COMSKI1 FINAL TERM
MANTUPAR, KRISELLE ABBY L.
T1B-BSECE
We were just a plain people who don’t use innovative technologies. But that was before we began having relationships with technology. Commitments with the high-tech components have great impacts to our society especially to us human beings. For example, our cellular phones and computers that are used to communicate. Technology provides us knowledge through the use of research. Also, Equipments are everywhere that makes our life more convenient. On the other hand, People have various ways on how they will benefit in using electronic devices. In this situation, technology can help through communication, advancement of sciences, and transportation.
“The art of communication is the language of leadership.” (Humes, 2008) It talks about how helpful communication is in the field of business. Communication is now instant and quick. Connecting with people in work is important through the use of technology such as email that is use to transfer sufficient information. (Wilder & Ferris, 2006) and to make an easy transactions to there business partners another one is they can make advertisement online to encourage consumers to buy there products an example of this are shampoo, toothpaste, shoes, shirts, and other merchandise that used in our everyday life. Wireless telephones in the hands of so many people, information can spread quickly. In spite of a long distance relationship our OFW’s can still manage to communicate to their love ones although they can’t see there families for more than 2-3 years. Social Networking sites such as Facebook and Skype are use so that they can still update there relatives if they are doing great in there respective places. A cell phone or other wireless device can be a great tool in an emergency. A flashlight in the phone can be use to illuminate a door lock, a sign, a phone book, or a dark hallway. Voice communication can be use in case of crisis when you think that something might happen, you can immediately call a police, a friend or even your parents. Being able to communicate productively allows the people to distinguish what are the ideas on your mind and how do you feel.
In modern usage, “science” most often refers to way of pursuing knowledge, not only the knowledge it self. In the field of medicine, body of knowledge is applied an example of this is a surgery that helps to improve our bodily function appearance. Another one is heart transplant for those people who have problems to there heart. Technology contributes a lot in medication or in therapy it can make a person healthier for example is drinking supplements or vitamins. In the field of Agriculture, with the use of science and technology, pesticides are now helpful especially to the farmers who have problems to the crops that are being damage by the insects or animals also applied science is helpful to the people who can’t afford to buy medicine in this case they use herbals which is more adequate to drink because its all natural. In the field of Entertainment, Technology changes everything. In just a physical sense, there is the possibility of a lot more, and a lot less being done. (Tabolowsky, 2004) Radios, Televisions, Computers, Video Games, Electric guitars, X-box and other electronic gadgets are use to kill our boredom. In this case situation technology makes sense in a way that high-tech tools are use to make things possible.
Lastly, Transportation is the movement of people from one location to another. Shipping of products in other places may be possible through rail, road, air or water. Exporting and importing merchandise to other countries may be achievable now that there is what we call transportation. An example of this is when a certain place is being damage because of calamity, bringing of donations and relief goods in proper time is probable. Transportation provides people to have access to job opportunities, as well as to students that goes to school. Technology made it possible for us because there are autos, aircraft and airports, trains, trucks, and busses. (Wilder & Ferris, 2006) In this situation, Transporting to other place is more convenient.
Technology creates a big impact to our lives that it can help us to things in the simplest way it can be. Technology has been useful. In communication computers and cellular phones are one of the appropriate things to use because faster transactions and communication are being done. Machineries and other functional tools made it possible to create new discoveries that help other people in terms of medicine, agriculture, and entertainment. Easy deliveries of goods and merchandise to places are possible with transportation. With the proper implementation of the use of technology in our lives, it can be helpful in different fields. So, how does technology helps you in your daily life?
Stinson, S., & Ehl, L. (2011, October 26). Transportation technology is moving ahead. Retrieved September 12, 2013, from http://www.diversitycareers.com: http://www.diversitycareers.com/articles/pro/11-octnov/chg_tech_transportation.htm
Tabolowsky, S. (2011). Internet Communications. Retrieved September 12, 2013, from http://curiosity.discovery.com: http://curiosity.discovery.com/question/how-technology-changed-entertainment-industry
Tarlach, G. (2012, July 15). Stone Age Farmers Showed Sophisticated Use of Fertilizers. Retrieved September 12, 2013, from http://blogs.discovermagazine.com: http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/d-brief/tag/agriculture/#.UjEbx9KmiAg
Wilder, H., & Ferris, S. (2006). Communication and Technology. Retrieved September 12, 2013, from http://www.emilypost.com: http://www.emilypost.com/communication-and-technology
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Hey! Its me Christian for the review.
"We were just a plain people who don’t use innovative technologies." I think your grammar here is wrong. You may not use the "a" because you use the word "don't" after the next word because it look more accurate when your sentence is "We were just plain people who don't use innovative technologies."
"For example, our cellular phones and computers that are used to communicate." You must use a more examples because these are not the only things that have great impacts on human beings.
"Also, Equipments are everywhere that makes our life more convenient." There is no word "equipments" because equipment may be either singular or plural.
I may say that there are some mistakes in your essay but overall, your essay is very nice.
very interesting
"We were just a plain people who don’t use innovative technologies." - This is a catchy one.
In the introduction, I like the way how you related people and technology as people having relationship. That, for me, is comprehensive.
You may add more transitional devices to deliver your ideas smoothly.
You used your resources well and you've put it where it must be. The construction of your paragraphs are very informative and factual.
Overall, this is a good and well-constructed essay. Good job, keep up the good work!
interesting essay. its a refresher to read a pro technology essay
nice essay, the topic you chose was interesting
Nice Essay! keep up the Good work! You have also pointed out all the possible things that the technology can help. Job well done!
Its Great. It helped me a lot to know more information about Technology, Keep up the good work
This is a very good essay. .I agree with what you said
keep up the good work =)
Take with salt; mind the edges.
You have many very kind reviews. I'm here to break that trend.
Transitioning: it's something you do. The first half of your opening paragraph suffers non sequitur, tense disagreement, and a general lack of transitions.
Take, for example, the following facts:
Armadillos have shells.
Armadillos love mudwrasslin'.
I don't like armadillos.
There are no transitions - these facts are not connected. So add transitions:
Armadillos have shells, which are important in keeping their underbellies clean during a favorite activity of this strange mammal: mudwrasslin'. There are two reasons I dislike armadillos: I don't like mud, and I had a teacher one time who looked like an armadillo.
Now all those facts are connected; they read better and make more sense. There is no longer a non sequitur between shells and mudwrasslin' - they help keep armadillos clean. Similarly, since mudwrasslin' is a reason I dislike armadillos, there is a clear reason why I mention disliking armadillos. Everything fits.
Look carefully at this opening paragraph fragment (and the rest of your essay) and try to see where you need transitions. Add them.
Simpler mistakes: "don't" should be "didn't;" "Commitments with the high-tech components have great impacts to our society especially to us human beings" does not make sense (needs rephrasing).
Who does "our" refer to - humanity?; "On the other hand" does not provide an alternative view on anything; "In this situation" does not have a clear antecedent (whose or what situation?); "People have various ways on how" misuses prepositions severely - suggest "People benefit various ways by using electronic devices;" "technology can help through communication" does not follow and misuses prepositions - suggest "technology can further communication, science... (etc.)"
Although the points you are making are most definitely, incontrovertibly valid, they are mired in confusing language and poor grammar. There is room for improvement.
Up until this point, only a single sentence in this paragraph has been grammatically correct. Starting with the first sentence in red: "connecting with people... is important through the use of technology -" this does not make sense. This essentially says, in plain English, "connecting with people is made important by technology." I doubt that is what you mean to say. Then the second part of that sentence is very difficult to decipher. Altogether, I suggest revising to something like "Connecting with people in work is important; through the use of technology such as email it is possible to connect almost instantaneously."
"(Wilder & Ferris, 2006)" - to what does this reference refer? There is no quotation, no statistic, no information given at all which demands referencing - not that I can see. The clause following the reference, furthermore, is a sentence fragment "and to make" - but and does not conjoin any two clauses, as it follows a period. Then that fragment extends into this massive luciferous snake called a run-on. Break it up. Dissect the facts. Make sentences - individual, separate sentences - out of those facts. Then connect the sentences. Right now, this is very messy and nearly impossible to read.
The last sentence is another fragment. "Wireless telephones in the hands of so many people" is not a complete clause - precede "Wireless" with "With" to make it correct. And the concluding sentence is redundant.
What does "OFW" refer to? The acronym is not used before, is never broken down. And the first sentence is a run-on. There is preposition misuse. "there" should be "their." "use" should be "used." "A flashlight in the phone" is misrepresenting embedded phone LEDs.
Block-text. This paragraph could quite easily be split into smaller units, more paragraphs, and thereby have better organization and be easier to read.
If I had to guess, I would say English is not your first language. If so, this is a marvelous effort. I am not going to finish reviewing your work, however, for a simple reason: the problems are all the same, and they are all easy to fix. Simply apply the recommendations and corrections made above to the rest of your work - look up "their" "there" and "they're," examine sentences and try to extract the most basic facts you are trying to state then cut everything else away, and do not end your essay with a question.
I strongly encourage you to PM or wall-message me with any questions or quarrels.
Don't be disheartened. As I said: while this essay may be very difficult to read and decipher, the underlying facts are practically axiomatic. It is grammar, not research or argument, which you must correct. Once that is done, everything else will fall into place very nicely. As a matter of fact, I strongly encourage you to revise this and post it again, then notify me.
~Skorlir
i've learned a lot from your article! job well done
Hooked up by your essay. Empowering! Goodjob.
"We were just a plain people who don’t use innovative technologies." - Maybe it would be better if you will remove the article "a".
I agree that technology can help us in various ways. You made good points and at the same time cited good examples in your essay. Good job!
I love it. You've made an excellent essay. Job well done.
"For example, our cellular phones and computers that are used to communicate."- I suggest for minor editing on this part to make the details more clear and understandable.
"...and to make an easy transactions to there business partners..."- At this part the use of "there" was wrong, I think it should be "their" but just a minor mistake.
The essay was good but I just noticed some points which we need to give enough attention for clear explanation and delivery of the message that you want to bring up with your readers. But as a whole, the essay is good and gives information. Nice work!
I love it. You've made an excellent essay. Job well done.
Very nice essay.
You did a great job! Keep up the good work. 
i'd like the way you write your conclusion keep up the good work
The essay you've done was great but some little corrections. But in all it is nice and interesting.
your title catches my attention. keep up the good work
You did a good job. But I just noticed that your fourth paragraph's topic sentence just defined transportation instead of connecting it with technology. Aside from that, you made good points on your examples and was able to say what you wanted to convey. Keep up the good work
Nice essay, I find it very interesting, your article was well organized. Well Keep up the goodwork!:D
Nice article, you've pointed lots of ideas and i like your first sentence .. very well done ..
Ooh, nice info. Thanks a lot. Keep up the good work.
Nice essay.
Hello! Knight Cailey here hoping to give you a helpful review on this essay!
So, I think you bring up a lot of great points in your essay, a lot of things that make sense and make a great claim for why technology is good. Also, you did a fantastic job at showing what side you were on, and stressing the importance of technology. It was obvious from the beginning where you stood- and you kept that opinion consistent throughout the piece.
However, I am afraid you had too many different points that you were addressing. It is good to have more reasons, and evidence, but you don't want too much. I think it would be best if you choose about three reasons why technology is good and then stick to those reasons. Stress those points and focus on them instead of just giving more evidence but barely explaining it.
Your strongest two arguments were definitely communication and transportation. A third could be the practical uses of technology. I would suggest that you latch onto those three ideas and develop them and take out the rest. I mean- it is true that cellphones have a flashlight and that can be helpful- but in this case that fact didn't add anything to your argument, in fact, it took away the focus from your point about communication and actually took away from your argument.
So- write a paragraph about communication. Make sure that the entire paragraph is focused on communication. You can go into parts here- long distance relationships, emergency phone calls, every day communications and planning.
But be careful NOT to go into anything else, like flashlights and advertisements.
Also, make sure that your introduction and your conclusion both give a clear thesis statement. That is- make sure they show what stance you take and give a very basic outline of why you take that stance.
Like I said, though, you did a great job at showing where you stood- and you definitely had a lot of good evidence. Just make sure you explain how the evidence pertains to the argument instead of just citing facts.
Nice job overall, and I wish you the best of luck as you turn this in.
Feel free to ask me anything at all or make any comments.
-Knight Cailey
Very well said!
) You've pointed alot of ideas which widen our minds about the certain views of technology. Your essay gave us information that may changed our overview and insights. Keep up the good work! 
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