Young Writers Society

I love this poem so much. It reminds me of the Sand Man. Someone who protects dreams and sleep. There's such a softness to the poem that draws me into it. It makes me very happy. The rhyming in it is really good. None of it sounds to forced, like it can sometimes. It bothers me that "gone" and "yawn" rhyme, but we can blame that on the English language. There are some cliches in here, but they seem to work nicely in this poem. I love it.

Sphealwithit here, Good marrow

I love this poem. Makes me wonder as to why I have so many nightmares though. Anyway the language and pace are basically perfect. The use of 'he' makes it seem mysterious and unreal. I like the layout.

The stanzas are good, each line flowing to the next. The rythm and pace are also good.

Keep up the good work

Sphealwithit out..

HEY THERE 22IB,

Great and intresting read, And a rare find,

Makes me Feel like Sleeping is a Fear now

So yeah And The song SandMan
Is a classic by the way think it was set in the 50s

But not sure, if you haven't heard of it makes alot of sense
if your Young

But yeah Great song
Creepy and Intresting

But your Work
Great and A good read and find like i said

So keep it up and remember to Stay Scary!

Thanks

Dragon

By the way look up my story if your in for a crazy night!

Hi 221B,Dark here with review!

First of all,don't messing up with the format here.I learn from people to keep it simple based on the type of poetry

But never mind,the contents of the poem is the most important thing here.
I love the imagination you put inside your poem,especially the first stanza.But this part need some more description on the cloak itself also about the man( the characteristic).It's help the reader to imagine the whole part of your poem better with 'colourful' not just a 'grey pictures'.

I like how the rhythm work in each stanzas.Awesome concept you write about him.But what actually 'he/him' is refer to?Your father? No I don't think so! Gives the reader a bit clues.Maybe god?

Overall,awesome job.Just need some improvement.Why not try use simile here?It makes your poem more interesting to read.Anyway,this is a nice poem to read.
Kudos,cheers
dark

Hey 221B,

I like your mash-up of a poem and a Child's tale.I enjoyed reading it and when i was i was thinking of the song "Mr Sandman bring me a dream". So the man in the cloak is kind of a mystery, like Santa Claus nobody really knows if he exists. But like they both have in common they both bring joy to a child.

I can't choose a favourite line as i liked them all, you seem very experienced in this catogory. And i can't wait to view more of your work, as this is the first of yours i've seen.