I can feel the storm brewing.
The electricity dancing in the air,
sparks waltz and pirouette through the fingertips of outstretched arms,
embracing the familiar feeling of oncoming darkness and destruction.
A metallic hum that penetrates your mind and
reaches out to others alike.
The severity is unknown,
Hidden behind dark puffs of cigarette smoke and
caged emotions,
That have built and risen to the sky.
The rage of release that will crash down upon
those who are too weak to accept what life has become.
Those who are too ignorant to see,
the beauty in fear.
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137,761 Literary Works • 672,064 Reviews
I loved the flow and almost violent beauty felt within this poem. However I felt that the poem lacked any real and raw emotion. It was, however, very well written and I enjoyed the imagery used in it.
The ending is what really grabbed me. I loved the contrast between 'beauty' and 'fear'. Great touch!
All in all the poem was well written and I fairly enjoyed it. I didn't see any technical mistakes. Good job, keep it up!
Hi, aqua here to review!
Haha, wow I love the descriptions. I've always loved visual imagery and this just gives me shivers.
I also love that you didn't try to rhyme and you made it prose-like which is totally my style! Awesome!
I did see a few mistakes though.
"The electricity dancing in the air,
sparks waltz and pirouette through the fingertips of outstretched arms,"
I think it would flow more well if waltz and pirouette were plural. Waltzes and pirouettes. See?
"those who are too weak to accept what life has become.
Those who are too ignorant to see,"
Like the person below said, after become, there should be a comma. It just sounds kind of awkward standing like that.
Anyway, good job! Nice message! Awesome descriptions!Keep it up!
Knight Dragon, here to review!
Technical:
"I can feel the storm brewing.
The electricity dancing in the air," I feel like you should have the punctuation for these two lines reversed. It just flows better that way.
"Hidden behind dark puffs of cigarette smoke and
caged emotions,"
I felt like the line break-up here was a little bit awkward. You have this really long line...and then two words. Is there any way you could change that? Maybe add in a few words or something? I don't know, it just doesn't feel right that way.
"those who are too weak to accept what life has become." I feel like the period should be a comma, to help with the reading flow.
I hope this helps!
I agree