Young Writers Society

I loved the flow and almost violent beauty felt within this poem. However I felt that the poem lacked any real and raw emotion. It was, however, very well written and I enjoyed the imagery used in it.

Those who are too ignorant to see,

the beauty in fear.

Hi, aqua here to review!

Haha, wow I love the descriptions. I've always loved visual imagery and this just gives me shivers.

I also love that you didn't try to rhyme and you made it prose-like which is totally my style! Awesome!

I did see a few mistakes though.

"The electricity dancing in the air,
sparks waltz and pirouette through the fingertips of outstretched arms,"

I think it would flow more well if waltz and pirouette were plural. Waltzes and pirouettes. See?

"those who are too weak to accept what life has become.

Those who are too ignorant to see,"

Like the person below said, after become, there should be a comma. It just sounds kind of awkward standing like that.

Anyway, good job! Nice message! Awesome descriptions!Keep it up!

Knight Dragon, here to review!

Technical:
"I can feel the storm brewing.

The electricity dancing in the air," I feel like you should have the punctuation for these two lines reversed. It just flows better that way.

"Hidden behind dark puffs of cigarette smoke and

caged emotions,"
I felt like the line break-up here was a little bit awkward. You have this really long line...and then two words. Is there any way you could change that? Maybe add in a few words or something? I don't know, it just doesn't feel right that way.

"those who are too weak to accept what life has become." I feel like the period should be a comma, to help with the reading flow.

I hope this helps!

I agree