CK-P1: Chapter 8:

by illitar

Published September 30, 2013

16+ Violence

In Chaos King Series

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

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Those nights I had dreams of crows flying out of my old black hair, a massive eyes watching me then my eyes would bleed black tears.I would wake every time out of breath and shivering. I kept them to myself. Within the months that passed, I managed to save few without the knowledge of the king.Few but I could still feel like I was doing something.

We approached a fortress and set up camp in front of it. we were out of range from anything but we waited outside thewalls like we knew they would fall. The men were behaving like they did before they attacked a small village. They were pumped and ready for the attack.

I was called to the kings tent and found that Lute was there too.

“Daughter, come in come in.” the king said with great enthusiasm. I just stood and stared at him. He gave me a strange and woeful look. I wasn’t clinging to him like I did before, joining him in his escapades or meals.He didn’t tell us anything about the plan to siege the walled fortress, instead he talked about the war with the sentinel. I thought it strange that he didn’t even mention the wall.It was a short and vague talk. I went to bed before he was finished. He wasn’t telling us anything we didn’t already know.

The next morning we all stood and faced the men protecting their home. The king rubbed my head, pushed me forwards in front of the line, pointed to the wall and said, “Go.”I sighed. Me alone against all that, what was he expecting from me.“You too Lute.” We both stared at each other as the men in line sat down and watched.We approached the wall from the open field on the trail to the main gate.

I had never see Lute fight in a serious fight before. I kept thinking about how he would fight. He was carrying a large leather bag with several swords in it. They looked thin. How was he going to fight with that. I again forgot to grab a weapon. I reached around and looked but there was no point. I was unarmed again. This had happened several times for me in the past few weeks.

We approached the large gate.

“What do we do now?” I asked him.

“We wait.” Details as usual.

An arrow landed at my feet. I pointed at it and looked to Lute. “For that?”

“No.” he looked up and took a large breath in, then yelled, “We are not here to start a war, but to ask for supplies. As you can see we are of no threat.” He took off his leather bag and dropped in on the ground. I stared at him. What was he doing? Supplies? “We are unarmed.”

There was a scuffling behind the doors. Two small normal sized doors opened and a small old man fell through. He looked back to the door with a scowl and then looked at us. “ H-h-how do we know you aren’t lying?”

“we are on our way to the sentinel. We have no intention of doing your home any damage so long as you pay homage to the Chaos king and allow us to use what we need. Then we will be on our way.”

“but that’s-“

“We only have a few dozen men.Very able and capable and willing to take you all out in a matter of hours. I am but a soldier, but here I have the Kings very daughter and her and I alone could wipe out your men like nothing.” I looked to him. He was trying to gain the king territory and more people to rule over with just plain fear of what would happen. Was he trying to avoid a fight? The old man gave me a look that told me thought I was nothing. He started to laugh and cough.

“Don’t overestimate yourselves. Two such children couldn’t hope to do such a thing. With such a weak daughter the king has really cut the army dry of their good men if they are sending you two as treats. This fortress has been neutral to all the fighting that goes on between you and the sentinel. For us to do such a thing would me to side with you.”

“Exactly.” Lute said looking down at the old man like we were the ones that he should be afraid of. The old man thoughts of me pissed me off.

“I am sorry to say that I really don’t have any say in this. Just give me a moment to tell the others and see what they think.” He waved his finger and moved back to the doors. The doors closed and locked.

Lute sighed and shrugged. “Well they have made their choice. Shall we?”

“Take the fortress? Just the two of us?”

“why not? I gave them a choice and they chose death. It doesn’t really matter anyways. Even if they did accept, more than half would be dead by morning.”

“so mercy killings then.”

“yup.” Lute unsyithed two of his blades and we walked to the door. arrows shot down at us. One or two were able to get close but I guess they were shooting blind straight down the wall. Lute pointed to the door and bowed, “would you be so gracious?”

I summoned the armor and jogged back to get a good distance. The arrows started hitting me but it didn’t matter. I got solid ground and charged the door at full speed. I hit the wall and went right through. The debree cleared the way of soldiers trying to hold the door. I slowed down in the center of the entrance surrounded. As I looked around they started to tremble. I saw the old man and smiled. Lute followed behind and cut through the men like nothing was there. He stood by me back to back.

“you take the tower, I’ll get the vermin. “ he said it so confidently, I just agreed and headed for the center of the fortress. I cut through the men and got up on top of the houses that lined the streets. There was men’s cries and metal on metal behind me. Lute was doing his job. My turn.

I got to an area where the streets were empty and jumped down. As I passed the houses I could see eyes and shadows of the residents. They were all still here. I stopped and turned to them. And said loud for them all to hear.

“women, children, and elderly, leave your home, leave the walls that cage you in. if you stay here you will all die and I will make sure that every one of you that stays behind gets ripped apart piece by piece until you are nothing but crow food.” I turned and started back for the tower. I could hear them starting to panic and leave. Good. At least I could this for them. They can leave from the back gate. The ones I was locked onto were to ones in the tower, hiding and cowering in safety as their men fought and died for them. I was always told about their kind, the aristocrats and the pampered, nobility and the spoiled rats of wealth. They will all suffer for letting their men rot for them.

That was the only thought that I could use to get me to kill them. I didn’t think about doing it for the king or for anything else. I knew that if I did I would reconsider and in the end I too would be at the king mercy.They all had to die and there was nothing else that would stop me from doing it.

I walked up the long stairs to the tower, cutting down each guard that tried to stop me. When I reached to door I entered, closed the door behind me and used the sword I stole from a guards corps to light the door on fire. The halls were nice and lavish. It sickened me. There was a wall of lavish weapons. Most covered in gold and jewels. I took down a curved blade and went further down the hall.

Down a long hall filled with portraits and statues was a decorated entrance and a golden door. I rolled my eyes. So obvious. As I went down I cut each portrait and broke every statue. I stood firm and irritated and kicked down the locked door. I stepped in to find several men and women cowering, few servants were in the front of them being used as a shield. They looked to me in fear. They relaxed and started to laugh in embracement.

“Oh dear me. That frightened me.” one of the nobles said.

“Very much so.” Said a woman in a voice pattern at reminded me of Grayson. They sat down and started drinking.

“I dare say who is that?”

“Doesn’t look like a servant, perhaps a new recruit to the guard?”

“not a woman. There’s no way that they would let such a thing happen.”

“but didn’t you hear. There are several woman and children in the main force in Eteensburg.”

“rediculious, women of a certain age maybe, but children? No that’s just preposterous. Their just too weak to fight properly.”

I could feel my eyes twitch and a large grin crease across my face. I started to laugh loud. They all went quiet.

“Is something funny,worm?”

“Who are you?”

It was so ironic. So stupid. They were ignoring me. “Oh this beyond amusing. Dear patrons of nobility, Who am I, I am the shadow that watches all day and night, old men fear me and the sick cower from my name. Children ignore me and the rich think they can hide from me. Though you speak of me you have never seen me, and once you do there is no point. Who am I?”

“oh oh a riddle? I haven’t played this in years, okay okay let us see-“one woman said excitedly.

“well obviously-“ the richest man said. “You are death.”

I smiled, and lifted my sword. “Exactly.”

As I tore them apart I felt myself lose my sanity again but that time it was of my own. The king wasn’t near enough to drive me to feel such pleasure in taking them out. Was it in me too? But I didn’t care. it felt so good to see them struggle, to feel the pain of the front lines like their soldiers.

After I was done I sat down in the large velvet chair. it looked over a balcony to the houses below. And looked upon the blood and bodies that blanketed the floor around me. I took a deep breath in and took a drink from one of the last remaining glasses. It had a crack in it but the wine wasn’t bad.

After a time Lute entered the room. He didn't bother stepping over the bodies and just kicked them to the side.

"are you okay?" he asked as he got to where i was sitting.

"I'm not crazy if that was what you meant." we went to the balcony and looked below at the red streets. i lifted my glass of wine to him. "want some? Its not bad."

Comments & reviews · 2
dragonfphoenix wrote a review Review · Sep 30, 2013

Knight Dragon, here to review!

Technical:
"Those nights I had dreams of crows flying out of my old black hair, a massive eyes watching me then my eyes would bleed black tears." This sentence is really long and awkward. I feel like you should have started out with something like "The past few nights" or "All last week" or something like that. I have no idea what "those" nights are. Please be more specific.

"I managed to save few without the knowledge of the king.", you mean "a few", and a few what? Dreams? Tears? [PS-I haven't had time to follow this all the way through this series, so I may be missing a reference]

"we were out of range from anything but we waited outside thewalls like we knew they would fall." Capitalize the first "we", and put a space between "the" and "walls" because right now it's "thewalls."

"I was called to the kings tent and found that Lute was there too.", the "kings" should have an apostrophe.

"How was he going to fight with that." This should have a question mark.

You have some capitalization issues throughout here. For example,
"we are on our way to the sentinel",
"but that’s-",
and "not a woman", to name a few.

If I sat down and pulled all the technical, this would be a very long review. I'd just advise you to go back through and fix all your capitalization, and the other minor stuff I pointed out.

Hope this helps!

User avatar
DreamWork
Review
DreamWork wrote a review Review · Sep 30, 2013

Hello illitar,Dark here with review ;)

First of all,this novel tells the story of the royal children and also an adventure as war plans etc..In this chapter, you write a conversation between 'I' and Lute only, with the emerging role of the king for a while.

I was called to the kings tent and found that Lute was there too.

“Daughter, come in come in.” the king said with great enthusiasm.


I love the story line is that is easy to understand, with details given increase the aesthetic element in this story.

Slightly of their conversation tell the reader about the attitudes, roles and their strategy for the war. Better than explain in narrative form / phrase.

“We only have a few dozen men.Very able and capable and willing to take you all out in a matter of hours. I am but a soldier, but here I have the Kings very daughter and her and I alone could wipe out your men like nothing.”


Not just mention about how good is this story is,I wanted to give comment on formatting .
1.Is not every conversation needs to be written in the new phrase?
“Go.”I sighed. Me alone against all that, what was he expecting from me.“You too Lute.” We both stared at each other..


2.Need to capitalize after dot/fullstop.
"I'm not crazy if that was what you meant." w*e went to the balcony and looked below at the red streets. i* lifted my glass of wine to him. "want some? Its not
bad."


3.Grammar.Just a bit ;)
#a massive eyes*("massive eyes watching" or "a massive eye watching"
When using a plural noun, the indefinite articles 'a' and 'an' are unnecessary. ) watching me then my eyes would bleed black tears.I would wake every time out of breath and shivering.
#I was called to the kings*(king's) tent and found that Lute was there too.

Overall,I liked this story,just keep it up!
kudos,cheers
dark



The magic is only in what books say, how they stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us.
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451