Young Writers Society

I absolutely love what you based the poem on. It's literally about hell. Except, there are no stanzas. This is really good... for a first poem. You need stanzas to help the read determine rhyme and rhythm and just to make the poem look professional overall.
I love all of your adjectives, your descriptions are lovely and I thought they were awesome. I know "lovely" isn't the word I should use to compliment descriptions about hell, but you get the idea.
Another thing, your rhyming is completely off. You need a consistent rhyming pattern or it throws the reader off and makes the audience read through your poem faster. you were right, your punctuation isn't correct. You need periods AND commas. You can also ask questions in a poem. Poems have sentences. You can have more than one line of your poem make up a sentence. For example: This part "With great walls of red,

The wails of the dead,

Blood seeping through the cracks,

This is Devil’s land"

That should be:
"With great walls of red,
The wails of the dead,
Blood seeping through the cracks,
This is the Devil's land."
And yes, the word "the" should be in there before Devil or it messes up the rhythm.

Again, I thought this was really good but it could've been better

Pssst, Ana! shift-enter to only jump down one line (for stanzas) ^^

Sphealwitit here, good morning.

The poem itself has an awesome idea behind it. I think that you've got a very vivd picture of hell here. Some may not agree but it's defenitily how I would picture it. The images are good and so is the language. Words like 'DRAGGED' are great for making a sentence seem real, more exciting.

You defenitly have a steady rhyme scheme here and the rythms good. Considering this is only your first poem, you dont have that many grammatical errors.

Keep up the good work

Sphealwithit out..

You would be good in story Writting
Or a Noval

As i would say other then
The hole thing

I think you did good better to start here then anywhere else Aye

Anyways
Like i said you would be good In story Writting so Give that a go.

Good luck in the future,

Also Love the hole Death and Devil kinda thing, So it was a Plus from me So keep going on that or like i said Take up a bit of Story Telling would love to see that

Thanks
Dragon!

I came to read this because I told you I would.

You have much descriptive writing in here, good imagery, and for a first poem its very nice.
One thing I don't see is meaning. Poems are not just pretty words, like books, they too have to say something. Here I see a good an avid description of hell, which within itself if very good, but I would like to take something away with me after reading this.

You repeat words a bit which is something I personally don't like, I will point them out later in the next though examination, where I check your punctuation as well as requested.

It's my personal preference that each line not be capitalized in poetry, and rather to capitalize as normal.
The following quote is what changes I would make:

With great walls of red,
the wails of the dead's
blood seeping through the cracks;
this is Devil’s land.
The leering grin,
with teeth so great,
a half human body,
and horse-like gait.
The Demons;
three great heads,
and sharp, jagged teeth,
With paws so great,you used great already, think of another word
they could crush you beneath,
the Gate Guard;
with great black poles,
stretching to the sky.
Flames lick their edges,
and crackle up the sides,
of the Gate;
tall looming spires,
and great black halls.
Tortured souls scream,
from behind the black doors,
The Palace,
with Demons, Guards, and Gates,
hell looms behind you,
waiting for you to slip, to fall,
and to be dragged away.
Welcome To Hell.

Knight Malachi here to review.
So Dragon swept the problems into one review, and I will tell you what I thought of the context. It was very descriptive, and easy too imagine the scene/setting. Now, this is very dark as you say, although it is a true place, but me, I just shudder reading this. Maybe because it was so detailed. But it should push me and others to b spreading and sharing the gospel to others. I don't know if that was your intent, but that is what it does for me.

Knight Dragon, here to review!

All right, technical first:
Well, with the sentence structure of this poem, it's really hard for me to say where there shouldn't be commas and where there should be. The only line I'm certain of is "And to be dragged away,", and that should have a period instead of a comma.
I think the hardest thing about this poem is that there aren't complete sentences, but fragments, or fragments of thoughts. For example:
"With great walls of red,

The wails of the dead,

Blood seeping through the cracks,

This is Devil’s land"
I feel like the last line should have a period, but how do the other three relate to that final ending thought? It's really hard to tell because the third line just feels so out of place. I would advise converting this to prose, fixing all the sentences, then back convert it to poetry.

Hope this helps!