Hi Karzkin,have a great day!Here is Dark to give review on your poem.
Your poem is quite compact with simile and metaphor elements.It capable to give emotional impact to the reader with the elements that exist in your poems.
#You are the first
Spring rain
after a long, dry Winter.-->Gloomy tone poem at the beginning but you able to make it into something beautiful in terms of language.But I wonder,who is 'you' refer to?
#The days are rusted shut,-->My gosh,really good and breathtaking.The simile makes this poem interesting to read.
flakes of iron sun
frozen and tarnished;-->Well,frozen?But you mentioned the sun right?So it does not fit here.
#overnight, I retraced my steps
as copper skies and hound's teeth-->Why do you clarify that the cloud was like copper? Is it because it is hard, or even a gray color like copper?
gave way to morning's ignition,
dawn splintering the curtains and your eyes
slowly turning amber like miniature parasols
of French marigold.
I like this part!
#Your breath on the wire;
"Start with the sun,
everything else will follow."-->The end of your poem is so enthralling and requires sharp thinking to understand. I'm sure the understanding depends on different perspectives of the reader.The rhythm is nice,I enjoyed reading your poem here.Keep it up!
Kudos,cheers
~Dark
Points: 28237
Reviews: 363
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