z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

New Face of Humanity

by arianaSarroyo


I see humans, but no humanity

Everywhere I go, I see this callousness that rips through the core

Everywhere you turn you see neighbors pitted against neighbors

Every newspaper cover

is another story of a brother killing a brother.

As humans, we're becoming more hateful of each other

Every single moment, we're tearing down one another

What kind of world do we live in today where kindness is an anomaly

And cruelty outdoes humanity

When we will we as humans learn our lessons?

Will this madness ever end, or is this insanity the new face of humanity?

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115 Reviews

Points: 9790
Reviews: 115

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Sun Sep 29, 2013 5:20 am
ChangeTheWorld wrote a review...



Hey! Change back again as I said I would be :)

So I'm pretty sure the two beauties below got the majority of the punctuation stuff. I was wondering about the formatting too. But we all know the publishing center can be such a little rascal to deal with. Just a reminder that very line should be capitalized, so that "is" down there is the little straggler, but needs to be uppercase as well.

And cruelty outdoes humanity

I really like this line. But I do agree that you need more punctuation.

When we will we as humans learn our lesson?

I think you've got a little stowaway "we" in there. So just take that little guy out ;) I do think out of all the lines though, this could be changed. You have a strong poem and a strong purpose but to me this line is weak. It just feels placed there. I get the point of it but I'm sure you can find a stronger way to say it.

Have I told you before that you're good at closing your poems? I think I have probably told you that. Anyway, the last line is important, and I really like the second part of this last line, especially since it correlates to the title, which I always think is cool, but the beginning of the line is blah. "This madness" is a really cliche way to say it, so I think you can find better words. Over all it was really good. I don't think this one needs to be longer, I think it's good the way it is, it hits all the bases without being repetitive and makes people really think about their actions because this is a real world issue, so goof job putting that into words.
Change be gone.
Team Rouge.




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413 Reviews

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Sun Sep 29, 2013 2:06 am
Cailey wrote a review...



Hey there! Knight Cailey here to review your piece.

I like the theme here, I think it can be something really meaningful and really important.
It's something that matters- and it's always nice to see writers trying to find ways to make other people notice.

Formatting? Was it on purpose, or a YWS glitch? Because spaces between the paragraphs are okay, but not such big spaces. Readers are lazy, and it's a lot of work to scan so far down the page just to read the next paragraph.

Also, punctuation. You have some, but not enough. I'd say either stick to normal punctuation rules or take out the punctuation altogether. Don't just add some but not all.

Also- try and make this even deeper. You start to get into it, but I think you can give us more. Why does it matter that humanity is changing? Why does it matter how humans interact? Give us the answer to "so what?" "What does it matter?" that will make it more meaningful and more memorable.

I hope this helps! Let me know if you ever need anything.

-Knight Cailey




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Sun Sep 29, 2013 1:53 am
Iggy wrote a review...



Greetings, dear! Happy Review Day!

Everywhere you turn you see


Second line. Comma is needed after "turn".

Focus on the formatting issue in the middle of the poem and try to fix it. It breaks the flow and even threw me out of it when reading, because I focused on that instead of the words itself.

A few questions are missing commas, especially towards the end. Anything that sounds like a question needs a question mark. Also on that topic, consider formatting this poem so punctuation is where it's needed, if you'd like. Because if you are using ?, then why not use periods and commas and the like? Just a suggestion! I think it would look better.

Finally, the work itself. The message you got across was just that - you got it across! I understood what you meant, and I enjoyed the way you told it. I also enjoyed the way you wrote this, with the metaphors and such. Nice work! It was a pleasure to read and I felt that, as a reader, I could relate to it. :)

Keep on writing!

For Team YWSDBG,
~Iggy





Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.
— Poe