Young Writers Society

WOW, that was really awesome. Your poem was powerful, driven, passionate and realistic. I say realistic because all of your reasons are valid, and true. Government corrupts, and if we unite together as "one people" the world would be a better place. I say passionate because obviously you believe greatly in this, that governments and separate nations create inequitable divisions through sex, race, religion etc. I say powerful and driven because this is like a punch to the face (the punch of political reality), and it made me take a step back and rethink. To conclude you did a fantastic job on you poem.

I loved it, it shows that your not afraid to say what you feel and I admire that. I agree with Spealwithit, the beginning is too simplistic, adding something there to grab your readers attention would make a good work better. There are grammatical errors within but they aren't enough to distract the reader from the poem. Overall it's a good poem.

Sphealwithit here, happy reviewing day

I like the idea behind the poem. I especially like the end 'No nations no prisions' it is pretty eye catching.

The begginig of the poem is too simplistic if you know what I mean, the ending is better as it draws attention. That's what the start is supposed to be like. There were a few grammatical errors here and there but I don't want to weigh you down with them.

Overall it is a good poem, keep up the good work.

Sphealwithit out..

Hey! Change here for a reviewwwww!

I agree with Dragon about the opening stanza being rough. I get the point of it but it's all stated a bit simplistically and doesn't really draw me in. I've said in other reviews, but I'll say it for you too, the opening and closing of the poem is the most important. You want to draw the readers interest and curiosity in the opening, so whatever you say has to be said well enough to leave an impact. This goes for the closing as well. This is what the reader leaves thinking about so it has to be significant and meaningful.

I guess I understand why the flag is black, but I almost think it should be white to fit the purpose of your poem more. The poem is saying we shouldn't take sides right? Well that would mean we should be open and pristine and accepting which is what people connect white with. People connect black with evil and hatred and that's almost contradictory to the purpose because someone could see black as hate for all nations and being closed off which would be worse, not better.

can't we be just one people?

Well, the opening stanzas are pretty rough, but this line just stuck out "Some may anger because I'm not patriotic". "anger" doesn't fit. You could go colloquial and say "hate" or traditional and say "be mad" (has the same number of beats as anger).

And then a comment on the content. Error! Nationalism and Patriotism are NOT EQUAL. If you're going to reference Albert Einstein, then you're going to get a logical and mathematical explanation. [<-Conditional statement; the logic has started already ] You equate patriotism as equal to nationalism by misrepresenting an Albert Einstein quote. Einstein was right, but you've taken this quote out of context. Patriotism is defined as the "love of country and willingness to sacrifice for it" (Advanced English Dictionary); nationalism is defined as "the doctrine that your national culture and interests are superior to any other" (ibid). Those are not the same thing; although nationalism can be defined similarly to patriotism, the definition listed was the definition Albert Einstein was using for nationalism.
So a bit of advice. Never take a quote at face value. Do some digging so you don't misquote [misquoting isn't exclusively using incorrect words; it can also be using incorrect definitions of those words, which is what you've done].

And with the color of your flag, why did you go with the one color that represents evil? Pirate flags (traditionally speaking) are black; black is symbolically representative of evil.
And you really think all governments are evil? From your last line, "No borders...no deportations" and also from how you started out this poem "Others flags are red white and blue" (which by the way your Others should have an apostrophe after the s), I would say this is more of a rant against a specific government, that of the US, and not all governments. If you think all flags are red white and blue, try checking out Jamaica's flag. Or Ireland's. Even a quick Google search will give a plethora of examples of flags that are not red white and blue. So I think you need to take a step back and examine the philosophy of your poem.

Hope this helps!