"Why have you come here Hag?" King Leonis demanded of a woman dressed in threadbare clothes decorated in an assortment of unmentionable stains. She stood in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by a circle of whispering partygoers who couldn't help but scrunch their noses at the odor. She had killed the celebratory mood with her appearance for she had worn no fine clothes or even a simple servants uniform. She rebelled against the glittering of the room with each step she took towards the dais by leaving in her wake mud on the recently glistening floors.
"I have come to tell you to enjoy your victory while it lasts," the old woman replied, her gravely voice carrying to everyone in the room. Leonis' barking laughter filled the room.
"Tell me your name," he commanded once the laughter of the room had died down.
"Rema, Keeper of tales long forgotten," she replied.
"I see, gypsy," he continued a smile curling his thin lips cruelly, "Did you also see that you would be asked to stay?" Rema smiled back knowing what would happen next.
"You will regret not listening to me," Rema predicted as two guards stepped forward and gripped her arms firmly.
"You forget your place, I am king here!" Leonis bellowed, his face going red with fury.
"Take her away!" He ordered and smirked while he watched smugly.
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137,699 Literary Works • 672,062 Reviews
This story so far was interesting and I can't wait for more, but I would have liked some more description. Tell the reader more of the world in the story, what's in it and what the character's roles are. Also when you say 'an assortment of unmentionable stains' why not just mention them, a reader's imagination is great but it would still be good to have more to go on.
Since this is only part 1 I'm guessing these points will be taken care of in the next part, can't wait to read it.
Hello! Robbie here!
All I'd suggest on that is to break it up a little. 
Let me start by saying that I hope King Leonis gets the **** beat out of him. Haha! I'm so not a violent person, but what a jerk.
I think this is an interesting start to a story, but it lacks a certain necessary description in my opinion. I have no idea where they are or precisely why they are celebrating (I assume that they just won a war or something.) But it's cool because you leave a lot of room to figure that all out at a later time.
The first sentence is super long, which is something that people tell me all the time in my own writing. Now, seeing it firsthand in someone else's works, it really hit me. I found myself having to reread it multiple times. Maybe that's some form of mild dyslexia on my part though.
I like the description of the gypsy woman though. We get a crystal clear visual of her which is nice. I also like (well, not like) the fact that you can clearly see how the aristocracy treats the lower class. It sucks that this poor woman can clearly see more than most others- a thing that should put her close to the top of the food chain- but is still looked upon as nothing more than street-trash.
The only other suggestion I can offer is to add more description to the last line. It's just a little repetitive, seeing as how we can already tell that she's going to be dragged away. I think if you threw in some visuals of the guards or descriptions of the way that they haul her out of the room it would just give it a little more finality.
Aside from these things, good job! It's a little sick on my part, but I'm excited (or just plain hoping) to watch Leonis' kingdom fall. He's a total douchebag.
Anyway, keep up the good work!
hahaha thank you for your review I needed a good laugh today. I will do my best to fix the things you pointed out.
Hey there!
Put a comma after replied. That's all you need to do to it, but it makes all the difference. 
Well, you have a brilliant opening line. I really like it, a brilliant hook for the reader's attention. Good job. However, your next line is a little bit wordy: 'as a woman dressed in threadbare clothes decorated in an assortment of unmentionable stains stood in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by a circle of whispering partygoers.' And there's no punctuation! You need to either take out some of the adjectives or break the sentence down a bit, as it's a mouthful at the moment.
Spelling wise 'odor' should be spelt with a 'u'. But that's just a little thing. Again some punctuation is needed in your next few sentences, but that is what editing is for.
'the old woman replied her gravely voice carrying to everyone in the room.' Now, I really like this sentence, and the way you describe dialogue is very original, but it needs punctuating, otherwise it doesn't make sense!
It says in the description that this is more of the prologue. Now... I would only recommend using a prologue when you need to tell the reader something you cannot fit into the story for whatever reason. So I would consider making this more of a Chapter One, as opposed to Prologue One. But it's up to you. Otherwise, great start and I'm interested to see where this goes. Well done.
Hello!
I liked this. I thought it was rather well written.
I just saw a few errors...
"I see gypsy,"
The comma should go after see.
"Leonis bellowed his face going red with fury."
There should be a comma after bellowed. It makes the sentence run a little smoother, and doesn't seem like it runs on.
There are a few punctuation errors, but besides that, this was done very well.
Keep on writing!
I hope to see more from you soon!
You needed more punctuation in this section.
Example:
"King Leonis demanded as a woman dressed in threadbare clothes decorated in an assortment of unmentionable stains stood in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by a circle of whispering partygoers."
Better:
"King Leonis demanded as a woman, dressed in threadbare clothes [that were] decorated in an assortment of unmentionable stains, stood in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by a circle of whispering partygoers."
Also, that's a really long sentence. You can break it up, and I'd recommend you do so to help with reading flow. It's really large and bulky otherwise.
"even a simple servants uniform." You need an apostrophe after servants [servant's].
"I see gypsy," should be "I see, gypsy."
"Leonis bellowed his face going red with fury." is better written "Leonis bellowed, his face going red with fury." That comma helps a lot.
And when I read this, I instantly thought of this: http://www.springhole.net/humor/herolist.htm #11. Please read and then understand my mirth.
Hope this helps!
Hello ^.^
This will be a short review. I didn't notice any grammatical errors, so that's always a good sign. I like the descriptions you used to describe the woman. In the sentence where she says her name I think you might want to add a comma after her name and maybe capitalize Keeper of the tales long forgotten. Also you might want to put a period after "I see gypsy." I feel like that is supposed to be a sentence of its own. But might just be me lol.
Very good so far!