z

Young Writers Society


18+ Language

"Re-birthing"

by SlyBeast


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

" Re Birthing "

RAP:

VERSE:

I'm chokin', and the world, its jokin'
they're hopin', i'mma die, why?
cuz i'm weak, im splutterin', i'm coughin'
but I'm smilin' back, I'm laughin'
cuz know I've been weak

Nine-0-Nine-0 weeks its been, its enough
tough, it's been too long
gone are times that i sought
fought, freaked for help from ma homies no
yo fuckin' zombies they were, but
clap! good mornin', 'coz i ain't mournin, butthurt, ain't it
cut the crap, i ain't give a shit

so haters sit back and wish that I'm comin' back?
huh? what the fuck was that?
jackass, I ain't comin' back as
that me's gone too long, fuck you
but just as i look at'ya, scoffin'

I smile back, and I'm laughin'
'cuz today backin' away ain't an option
I'mma bury ma worries into the coffin
I'mma nail em *WHACK* I'mma nail em back *SMACK*
'till they come out the other side
will or not, back down, I will not!
'till the walls come down, the roof gets blown
I'mma fight, 'till ma death,'till ma last fuckin' breath

I don't know what I've been
but today I'm hopin, to wash away my past,
last of those back flashes, and I'mma carry ma ashes
light em on the pyre cuz today I'm

CHORUS:

I'm Rebirthin'! from the ashes to the flames!
I'm Rebirthin'! everything is back to sane!
I can't feel no pain, I'm a free man again...
I've my life back again!
No more sorrows from tomorrow... 'cuz

Today I'm Rebirthin'! Rebirthin'!
Today I'm Rebirthin'! Rebirthin'!

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Points: 2227
Reviews: 157

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Mon Sep 16, 2013 9:25 pm
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arianaSarroyo wrote a review...



This was a cool concept and an interesting song to read. You had some spelling and grammar errors though. From the second t stanza, you used the wrong "its". The its you used is possessive, which is incorrect. The proper "it's would have an apostrophe "it is". Imagine the apostrophe is the second "I" in "it is". Secondly, the use of "I'm". You never used "I'm" as in "I am". You need to capitalize the "I'm" and use the apostrophe. In addition, the "I" must be capitalized. In addition to that, you used "ain't" without the apostrophe.
You also spelled "tomorrow" wrong. Overall, you don't really have anything wrong here, with the exception oferrors in capitalization, spelling, punctuation and grammar. So you need to look over that again . Remember your apostrophes, capital letters and spelling and you're good to go! :-)




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508 Reviews

Points: 11770
Reviews: 508

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Mon Sep 16, 2013 9:03 pm
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dragonfphoenix wrote a review...



That first stanza is really awkward. It just doesn't come out right at all. It doesn't have any flow, ya know? Third line of second stanza doesn't have a good feel to it.
And then your refrain "I'm rebirthin'" is just really awkward. It doesn't exactly roll off the tongue; it takes some effort to force it out.
Hope this helps!





You can't blame the writer for what the characters say.
— Truman Capote