z

Young Writers Society


12+

I Cry When I Laugh

by Willard


Five prompts are: "Why would he do that?", A blonde name Jennifer, Peanut Butter Sandwich, Teacup, and Dental Headgear

Ever get the feeling where you want to cry in fetal position? I always feel like that. My life fell down the gutter. It was only a few months ago when this thing called depression slapped me across the face like I betrayed the rules. The Rules of Society by D.I Mwitz. Rule #1: All the intelligent people will be deemed lesser superior. There are only few people in this world I can stand, but they’re all made believe.

Today’s the day where I’m going to snap. I’m not going to follow the low standards these people have set, but I am going to follow my standards. I won’t do anything illegal, but do the right thing. Take a stand against what’s wrong with this world. Go anti-society. I shall do what no one else would do. Once the right time comes, I will do my task.

I’m currently sitting at my cubicle. Already did my work that is deemed “hard” by my other co-workers. It’s easier then identifying colors, unless you’re color blind. I’m pretty sure color blind people would do better than my co-workers. I honestly dislike my co-workers, as they are clueless. Now it’s time for lunch, and I am hungry. I reach into the bag for my peanut butter sandwich. It wasn’t in there.

I dump everything in the bag on the table. There is a banana, snack pack, and a Coca-Cola Cherry. There is no sandwich. This can’t be possible. Let me recount my steps. I go through the front doors, head over to the kitchen, put my bag down, go pee, head over to cu- wait a minute! I never grabbed the bag. How did it end up at my desk? Someone is going to pay.

I leave my cubicle and rush over to the kitchen. Mess with the nun, get the ruler. Once I got to the kitchen, there were two people talking. Brad and Paul were talking. It couldn’t be them, they’re too nice. I run over to where I put my bag. No sandwich there. “Hey Drew,” Brad said. “What are you looking for?” I look back. He had a smile. That smile just so happens to have some peanut butter on it.

With no hesitation, I walk over to him and punch him in the face. He hit the floor automatically. I walk out of the kitchen. Everyone was looking at me as I strut down. “Why would he do that?” Someone said. I turned around and went to their cubicle. They looked at me surprised. I grab their papers and chucked them. They all separated mid-air. I am not done.

I reach my desk and grab my stuff. I head out of the building. Everybody looked at me as I started shaking. My briefcase suddenly got chucked into the street. A car hit the briefcase as it opened. I take off my collared shirt, screaming and laughing hysterically. Everyone around me is looking like I’m weird or something. Why would they think that?

After my little freak out, I head over to the parking lot and get into my car. What to do next? I can go streaking. Wait, no, everyone would see me naked. Road rage on the highway! I would probably die if I do that. My to-do list should give me ideas. Pick up my copy of The Fast and The Furious on Blu-Ray at Game Cozy. That I will do.

I get on the main street and turn on some music. It’s some Daft Punk, great pump up music. I roll the windows down and turn the music up to 39. Everyone, again, is looking at me. There is a car next to me filled with 5 teenage boys with the need to laugh and throw stuff at me. I look one of the boys in the eyes. They are filled with joy. I lean back and search in the back seats. Bingo, I found something.

One of the kids decided to throw water at my car. In one motion, I chuck a teacup at one of the windows. It cracks the window and shattered the cup. I press the gas pedal and shoot off. I was half a mile away when a red light turned on. Screw it; I’m going to go main stream. They pull up to me. They all got out of the car. With one fist in the air, I yell “yolo!” and press the gas pedal. Luckily, I only missed about three cars. I was driving when I saw it---Starbucks.

I pull up in the parking lot. I’m not going in, I’m using the drive-thru. There are about 6 cars in the drive-thru. I park the car and head to the drive-thru. Everyone is looking at me as I go to the window. The worker saw me and closed the window. I put my hand in. She was blonde wearing a nametag on Jennifer. It’s a pretty name for a beautiful girl. I don’t want to disturb her.

“Hey Jennifer, I don’t want to cause any harm,” I said. She was frantic. “I was wondering if you want to have dinner sometime.” I said with a smile. We met eyes. The look on my face showed that I was in love. The look in her face showed that she has met a psycho. She spits in my face. I wipe it off, grab her, and bring her towards me. She is screaming at the top of her lungs. I close my eyes. Out of nowhere I hear a bottle full of liquid shaking. Right when I opened my eyes, I hear a spray and lost all my vision.

I find myself down the road, lying on the sidewalk. It took me a little bit longer to gain my vision back as I have been crying.When my vision comes back, I find myself alone with no one around. Starbucks is all the way back there. I guess I’ll go where the wind takes me. Along the way, I find something on the sidewalk. It was rusty and dirty. It was dental headgear with initials on the side that said “Doc Martin PhD”. Oh, how much fun I’ll have with this.

I stroll to a park near by. Many families are eating at the tables. They are leaving their kids unattended at the playground. That’s absolutely perfect. I head to the bathroom and put the headgear on. It didn’t fit, so I squeezed it on. It had to be the most painful thing I have ever experienced. That and watching Battlefield Earth in theaters. That film had to be one of the most horrid things I have seen in my life.

I snuck behind bushes and approached the playground. Laughter of kids blocked all other sounds. I got over to the ladder. There is a kid at the ladder. He backed up into me and screamed. I grab his ankle, and he starts crying. He kicked me and ran. I take a quick glance over and spot a guy walking towards me. In a quick second, I see a fist hit my face.

The punch sent me back. My head hit the ground first. Before I even got on my knees, I received a kick. This went on for a while, until I started bleeding. When I was capable to open my eyes, the kid is being carried by his mom. The guy who beat me up was hugging her. They walked away as I was stranded laying on the woodchips.

I managed to get up after five minutes. Why does this happen to me? I did nothing wrong. I’m completely harmless. The world’s the one who deserves this. Where has my life gone? I honestly wish I was born in 1940. One word on how I feel about my life: Hate.

It’s currently 8:17. I have been walking for a couple of hours. I’m growing tired and hungry. Traffic passes by as I limp on the sidewalk. My leg hurts more and more as time passes. It’s time for a break. I lay down on some rocks. Tears slowly come out of my eyes. I might as well lay here. I roll to my side. That’s when I saw GameCozy.

I get on my feet and sprint. Cars honk as I didn’t bother to use the sidewalk. Finally, something good is going to happen. It took me longer than the average person to get to the store. Once I opened the door, the clerk laid her eyes on me. I slam my arms on the counter. “Get…Fast….Furious….” I slurred my words. She stared at me. I pull a receipt out my pocket and put it on the table. She read it, and goes to the office.

I can barely stay on my feet. I’m using the counter to keep me up. She comes up to the counter. “Are you okay?” She asked. I reach over the counter, grab the Blu-Ray, and limp out. I literally have the world’s biggest smile. My knees gave in and I fell. The smile disappeared. This is the wrong The Fast and The Furious.

I crawl into the store and yell. After three minutes arguing, she said I ordered that one. “No! I asked for the 1955 one!” I screamed. A co-worker threw me out. I managed to get over to the alley. In anger, I smash the movie. The case broke instantly. It took me a couple of more smashes for the disc to brake. I decide to give up and lay there.

Ever get the feeling where you want to cry in fetal position?


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Tue Sep 17, 2013 12:15 pm
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SocialSuicide107 wrote a review...



Hello Lovely,
So, I liked this piece. It's very different from what I'm used to reading, but good still. The past tense thing was already said, so I only have a few things that I think you should change personally.

"Once I got to the kitchen, there were two people talking. Brad and Paul were talking."
I would change it to something like: Once I got into the Kitchen, there were two people talking, Brad and Paul. Or something along those lines. I don't know, to me, it would sound better.

"In a quick second, I see a fist hit my face."
Another thing is I think you should change see to feel. Again, I just feel like personally it would sound better that way.

That's all I really got. It was a good piece and feel free to totally laugh at my comment and ignore. (;




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Sun Sep 15, 2013 9:58 pm
Pokemonlover545 says...



and I laugh when I cry!




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Sun Sep 15, 2013 6:12 pm
birk wrote a review...



Hey Mandrake!

Need to do a quick review here, as this was hilarious!
Your crazy stories are among my favorite on YWS.

You again write good conflict and story sparked from small, almost unimportant events such as someone stealing your sandwich. You create good comedic moments in a lot of places throughout the story, even thought it's not that long.

I'll go through some good and bad examples:

First off, you do have some issues with past present tense, which is quite hard to master.

Edit

All the intelligent people will be deemed less superior.


Edit
but they’re all make believe.


Edit
but I'll do the right thing.


Edit
I’m currently sitting in my cubicle.


Let me recount my steps. I go through the front doors,

This is a prime example of past present tense. He's remembering things that happened. But it isn't happening now.

With one fist in the air, I yell “yolo!” and press the gas pedal.

NOOOOOOOOOooooo! Yolo is too stupid! Never use it! But it's okay because....Carpe diem, right??

It was dental headgear with initials on the side that said “Doc Martin PhD”. Oh, how much fun I’ll have with this.
I know you included this because of the challenge, but this entire next paragraph isn't too good. I do love the Battlefield Earth reference though. Horrible movie indeed. Even though it (sadly), stars my favorite actor.

I love the ending. This is the wrong Fast and the Furious. Hilarious!

There was a point earlier in the story, where a car hits his briefcase. I was hoping that he would eventually find his sandwich and nobody had taken it in the first place. It seemed right up your alley, so I was waiting for it. #Disappointed

Love these shorts mate. Keep it up.

Cheers
Birkhoff




Willard says...


Thanks for the review :)



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Sun Sep 15, 2013 11:29 am
dragonfphoenix wrote a review...



Okay, you need to do some work here. The biggest thing I noted was that you don't have a single verb tense. You rotate back and forth between present and past tense. Example: " I always feel like that. My life fell down the gutter." Notice how you have "always", present tense, and then "fell", which is past tense, in these two sentences. You do that kind of switching throughout the entire piece, almost like you're rotating back and forth every other sentence or so. You need to pick a tense and stick with it.
Hope this helps!




Willard says...


Thanks for the review :) So, it was good? bad? decent?





Eh...not my normal 'cup of tea'. I don't know how to put it other than it seemed kind of pointless once I finished reading it. And I like psychological type writing. So maybe this just needs a little more work (after the verb tense)




cron
When your heart gets pierced with arrows, don't rip them out and pierce those around you in retribution for your hurt. You'll only unnecessarily wound others and bleed to death yourself.
— LadyMysterio