Young Writers Society

Hello, Rayne here for a review.

When I read this I couldn't help but relate it to a few things I have been through myself. When you've been together for months or even with your best friend you've been friends with for years, you think you know them and you don't. But anyways, I love the way it written, your lines are together, The way your words come together are absolutely amazing. Is there a story or reason behind this?

And, I honestly think it have been longer or at least your lines longer. If there is a story or reasoning behind it, you could use more of your feelings into it. But, I don't really know what I am talking about, it's just mean.

Anyways, Bye love!

Hi, I'm here to review! I love this poem. This is the kind of style I write in, so I do have a biased opinion. I only had one problem and it was the line "Just when I thought I knew you". Everything else flowed so well, but that line was kind of stuck out and hard to read. You might have done this on purpose to show a change in the poem- if that's the case, then I recommend making the rest of the poem as long as that line. I really liked the specific flower name, it gives a better image for readers. The grammar was on point and really kept the poem's flow. Good job, I look forward to reading more of your stuff

...I just started crying.
I have no idea why.
I think it's 'cause this poem
Reminds me of my life.

...okay that was a sucky response to this beautiful poem, but completely true

Wow!!!! I must admit! I really loved this marvelous piece you have written. A mind blowing piece which the world has yet to discover. A truly flowing and originally invented thing. One of the best poems I have read from poets who are still not poets. If you get what I meant? .
A very moving piece. Your rhyme and flow all is amazing. I suggest you might wanna add commas and full stops where required.

I wrote a poem very similar to this that I'm considering posting, it was kind of a weird combination of prose and poetry. It was about an experience I had my significant other where we were sitting in the car together. She was staring out the window, and I was looking at my feet. There was this weird coldness in the air between us that I just didn't understand. I tell you to preface my review my praising you for conjuring a known experience.

On to the review!

You have a lovely rhythmic flow up until the line "Just when I thought I knew you." I would definitely rework the syllable count in that line to something a little more agreeable to the ears. Read it out loud and you'll know immediately what I mean. It sticks out like a sore thumb, quite literally, it's longer than the other lines.

Here's an idea...

"I thought I knew you,
we're back to the start,
shoulder to shoulder,
yet miles apart."

One more bit of praise to balance out my criticism. I really do like the last line. It's funny to me how close we can be physically to people we love while at the same time dealing with these vast emotional distances. People can't show themselves to people. It's one of the hardest things to be vulnerable.

Carry on!

Great use of language. This works really well as a narrative poem, without giving too much specific detail it leaves the outcome open to the reader's imagination. The link between the poem and its title however is not really made clear, this could be because it holds a personal meaning to you as the writer.
However, I could assume that it refers to the characters being disconnected because they are sat together and are 'yet miles apart.' Very thought provoking.

Wow. This was really good, and I enjoyed reading it a lot.

I can personally relate to this poem, since I feel like this a lot, especially when I'm with my friends who aren't homeschooled as I am. We lost the connection that we had when I went to public school, and we've never gotten it back. So this, personally speaking, really gets to me since it's how I feel most of the time. Out of the loop, the stranger in the room, you get the idea.

Technically speaking (and when I say technically or technicality, I'm referring to spelling, punctuation, and grammar) this is quite perfect. Your flow/rhythm is excellent.

However, and this is just my personal opinion so disregard it if you want to, I think that you could add a few more commas, colons, or semi-colons here and there, to improve appearance. As I said before, this is just my opinion and if you don't agree with it please just ignore it.

Lastly, I loved the slight rhyme scheme that you have going here. Rhyme is not for everyone, and so I don't get to read it a lot, but usually when I do I love it. That's the case here. Overall, good job! You're a great writer.

Peace,
HT

I'd usually be "Scumbag Steve" and press "Yes" on "Is this a review?" button, but I guess I don't have anything to say about your poem. It's perfect this way, it needs no changes and it flows very good. The rhytm is kinda catchy. Keep writing and have fun with it!

~Bard

Hi there, the first thing that I like about this poem is that you present the two protagonists as strangely similar and in tune with each other "we sat there in silence", but at the same time on different wavelengths "I looked at the sky, you looked at your feet." I think this creates a paradox which is quite effective at conveying a message of confusion, which is often the case in relationships. This is shown again at the end in "shoulder to shoulder, yet miles apart".

I love the rhyming scheme as welt, it is broken at line 10, but this makes sense as you break the rhythm of the poem while stating "we're back at the start".

I would say that some of the momentum of the poem is lost from "the peonies flamed" to "I wouldn't have known", and to an extent it goes off track, I'm not exactly sure what you are trying to say here.

But overall a great poem, well done!

This was very moving poem. Your rhyming was good, your description of how close yet apart the two characters are was really good, overall a great poem. So far everything I've read that you put up, has been very readable and enjoyable, and very well written.
Keep it up!