Young Writers Society

So I am going help u with the formatting here

Who is that girl that follows me?
Who is that girl who stares?
Who is that girl who pinches and kisses me?
Who is that girl who freaks me out?

Who is that girl that hates me?
Who is that girl that I hate?
Who is that girl that scares me?
Who is that girl that I fear?

Who is that girl that touches me,
In places that should never be touched?
Who is that girl that asks me things
That should never be said out loud?

Who is that girl that follows me?
Who is the girl who stares ?
Who is that girl?
Who is that girl?

I want to ask her Why does she want to hurt me?


This is how I think the poem should be like... just a suggestion though... trust me the poem was awesome btw and I loved it

Keep writing

Happpy review day

Umaima

I think for this peom you should put it into lines ratehr than having a block.

Who is that girl that follows me?
Who is that girl who stares?
Who is that girl who pinches and kisses me?
Who is that girl who freaks me out?
Who is that girl that hates me?
Who is that girl that I hate?
Who is that girl that scares me?
Who is that girl that I fear?
Who is that girl that touches me, In places that should never be touched?
Who is that girl that asks me things that should never be said out loud?
Who is that girl that follows me?
Who is the girl who stares ?
Who is that girl?
Who is that girl?
I want to ask her;
Why does she want to hurt me?

I love and appreciate what you have tried to do here. But there are quite a few things wrong with this piece. Sorry.
You need to separate the lines so that this isn't one, large incoherent paragraph. It looks like stream of consciousness which is okay... but you need to separate your ideas. The use of question marks in a repeated fashion emphasises your point about the confusion felt by the character - although you don't actually clarify who that is.
I can't fault the language use, because it is very basic. So just to be picky: 'I want to ask her...' This needs some sort of punctuation, a comma or colon. Because it looks out of place in amongst everything else.
That's all. Good job.

Hi there! Just a quick review

I agree with Homeschooled that you should break it up into stanzas. I also think you should just check out the grammar you've got here. Take a good look at your relative pronouns. I just changed them in quote here, to simplify things:

Who is that girl who follows me? Who is that girl who stares? Who is that girl who pinches and kisses me? Who is that girl who freaks me out? Who is that girl who hates me? Who is that girl whom I hate? Who is that girl who scares me? Who is that girl whom I fear? Who is that girl who touches me, In places that should never be touched? Who is that girl who asks me things That should never be said out loud? Who is that girl who follows me? Who is the girl who stares ? Who is that girl? Who is that girl? I want to ask her Why does she want to hurt me?

Who is that girl who hates me?
The feeling is mutual, I say.
Who is that girl that scares me?
My back's never turned...

This was pretty good, but I would break it up a little differently and add some more punctuation. It'll be easier to show you than to explain it.

Who is that girl that follows me?
Who is that girl who stares?
Who is that girl who pinches and kisses me?
Who is that girl who freaks me out?

Who is that girl that hates me?
Who is that girl that I hate?
Who is that girl that scares me?
Who is that girl that I fear?

Who is that girl that touches me,
In places that should never be touched?
Who is that girl that asks me things,
That should never be said out loud?

Who is that girl that follows me?
Who is the girl who stares ?
Who is that girl? Who is that girl?
I want to ask her, Why does she want to hurt me?

Creepy