Young Writers Society

Hey, Snow! The name's Storm, and I'll be doing a quick review for ya this night! Before I begin, I just want to let you know that this is a great start to poetry. Sure, it's not perfect, but it's your first poem, so it's an beginning excellent attempt. *claps* Bravo.

Now onto the review. This work can be improved tremendously if you write the rhythms to flow more easily together. Some of the words feel pretty choppy, which throws off some stanzas. The emphasis on certain syllables and words just don't seem to fit. Try rereading "My Body Has Failed Me" and look specifically for ways to flow the words together. For example, you wrote:

"My body has failed me.
I am no longer functional,
past any form of fixing.
This body of mine
must have a redo button."

Right off the bat, the rhythm is off. Personally, I think that this first stanza can be improved by changing the phrase "must have a redo button" into a more descriptive, poetic wording. Does that make sense? I don't know, but it just seems like a very... elementary way of getting your point across; It's not poetic at all. I realize this is a nit pick. xD

Next, I like the image you're shaping with your word choices, but I want more! Incorporate more description, please, and that'll definitely add a lot to "My Body Has Failed Me".

Hope this helps, and as always: Write on!

---Stormsie

This is a very good poem. I like the metaphore with the 'redo button'. I know people say, if only life had a redo button, a lot, so it felt quite relatable to me. You can feel the emotion in the piece, which is what you want from an emotional poem. It's a good length, with plenty of detail without rambling, and I like how you start the first and last stanza with the same line - it gives it a completed feeling.

These pair of lips

My heart - keeper of emotions,
unleashed its wrath.

Hi InfiniteSnowfall!

This is a very good start! I was very intrigued by the title, I haven't read a poem with quite the same message before. Creativity is the greatest strength you can have as a writer.

So, first of all, I have to say I didn't understand the reason for the poem, or why the things that were described were happening. I liked your descriptions, but they didn't have a real purpose for me, since I couldn't figure out what was going on. So, I think you could add in a few lines throughout that help the reader to understand what has happened in the past or recently that made the narrator say that their body is failing them.

Along with that, the last couple lines confuse me.

before this nightmare
morphs into reality.

Once supple skin,
now dry and brittle.

Hey newbie ,

Umaima ere to make a quick review for ya!

I will give five points in this review to show you how I felt about your poem!

First, Let's start with the title! I literally loved the title and felt that there couldn't possibly be any better title for this particular poem! How did you get it? I mean it's just so perfecto!

Second, the idea and plot! I liked it.They were strong and I could tell how much it meant to ya! Really sometimes I have the same feelings and it's kind of alright! This is rather different than the poems I have read before so Good Job!

Third, Your grammar and punctuation were quite good. Now you see it's very irritating when the grammars bad so I really enjoyed your poem because there weren't those errors!

Fourth, I could totally understand what you tried to convey in your poem and I thought that the message was very clear so job welll done!

Fifth, the formatting. Now I wouldn't really appreciate that because there were different no of lines ins ome stanzas which isn't the best thing to do but anyways because the poem was overall very good that can be neglected

Have a happy and good day!

Umaima

If this is your first attempt at poetry then job well done! This is an excellent try.
I like the idea and message that you try to convey and what this poem is about, I think you have that down, but what I feel you need to try to improve on an capture is the essence of poetry and the placement of words.

This poem feels sort of like a series of statements in some places rather than poetic phrases. I think you need to work on your words, thinking them, reading them, saying them out-loud, and laying them down carefully to make them sound beautiful. The way you end your lines, with the words and with the full-stops, is kind of abruptive and breaks the flow, just the way that you have written it.

I have an example here to rhythm and balance and how you may improve. Take for example this first stanza.

My body has failed me.
I am no longer functional,
past any form of fixing.
This body of mine
must have a redo button.