16+ Violence Mature Content

Unbroken Part 1: Chapter Four

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.

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Author's note: Yes, I know this has been changed. I've been going through a lot of editing, including some structure changes. Bear with me.

Chapter Four

Goosebumps prickled as they ran down my arms. I pulled the covers closer around me. Dylan stirred and I immediately glanced in his direction. In a sleepy stupor, he groaned and rolled over. I didn’t know what that meant, but it probably meant that he was going to wake up soon. Tilting my head, I watched him curiously. A sprinkling of dark stubble covered his chin and his expression was almost peaceful. His hair was messy. I almost giggled to myself. He looked so harmless. Dylan, my Dylan, the man in control of my world and universe, looked harmless.
I quickly looked away as he opened his eyes. Having him catch me staring at him would not end well.
“Good morning, sir.”
“Coffee,” He grunted, running his hand through his hair. “Now.”
“Of course,” I immediately got off the bed, throwing on the sweatpants and sweatshirt Dylan had left out for me. As soon as I opened the door, however, I was surprised. Walking over the threshold was like walking into a sheet of rubber. I bounced off and had to catch myself. My hand bounced off again as I raised it. “Um, sir? I can’t get out.” I put my hand on the barrier again, pressing against the invisible surface.
“Oh, right. You may go.” As soon as he gave me his approval, the barrier disappeared and I almost toppled over. I wasn’t sure whether I was more confused or surprised. It was unusual for Dylan to create magical barriers. They majority of the time, he preferred to be discreet with his magic. Was he trying to keep something out?
As I wandered down the hallway in search of the coffee, the morning haze seemed to wear off. I felt better than I had in a long time; sleeping in an actual bed was nice. If I wasn’t so afraid of Dylan, I might request to make the change permanent. I couldn’t go back to sleeping on my dingy yellow mat after last night. My bare feet padded along the red patterned carpet as I followed the hallway. Doors lined each side of the hall, numbers on each one. In the center of the hallway was an opening that led to a small square room. A mirror hung on the wall and I stared at myself. So this was what it was like to get bedhead. My curls had frizzed out and needed a good brushing. My makeup had smeared. I swiped at it carefully, which helped a little. Before I could be satisfied with my primping, I remembered the job at hand. Find Dylan some coffee. I pressed the tiny arrow pointing down and within seconds, the metal doors of the elevator slid open.
The ride down was even more nerve-wracking by myself. I remembered how Dylan had made the little room move, pressing the button that had the word “lobby” written on it. I pressed it and the button glowed. As I watched it, I felt slightly proud of myself. So far, so good. There was probably coffee in the lobby. If I couldn’t find any, I’d ask the lady at the front desk. She practically bent over backwards welcoming Dylan into the hotel. There was no doubt in my mind that she’d be willing to bend over backwards for Dylan any day.
My eyes went wide when the elevator stopped moving and the doors slid open on the fourth floor. Did I make a mistake? A man walked into the elevator and I sighed quietly.
“Morning.” The man grumbled, wearing a white t-shirt and jeans.
I didn’t say anything, but nodded politely. The elevator made me nervous; my knuckles were practically white from gripping the handrail. I didn’t like how I felt riding in the elevator; my heart practically jumped into my throat each time it moved, making me almost nauseous. The room was way too small and with two people, it felt even tinier.
Relief found me when the big metal doors opened, releasing me from my claustrophobic prison. The lobby was even prettier than I remembered. I gazed up at the stained glass windows, entranced by the colors. The man who played the piano the day before was no longer there and I was slightly disappointed. I wanted to hear him play again. I hadn’t heard anybody play the piano before coming to the hotel and I idly wondered if I’d be able to play it myself. It didn’t look so hard. Before I could stop myself, I wandered over to it, shyly standing beside the piano bench. Black and white keys stretched out before me and I wondered how many there were. Probably more than a hundred. My fingertip glided up and down a white key. It was smooth.
“Do you play?” I turned around to see a woman sitting on the couch next to a little girl. The woman was looking at me and I realized she was waiting for an answer.
“Me? Um, no. I don’t.” I smiled shyly. I righted myself and remembered the task at hand. Since when was I so distracted? Leaving the piano, I decided to continue my search for coffee.
I found my prize near the check-in desk at the lobby. The whole desk was a long slab of marble, taking up one side of the wall. A coffee dispenser was perched on the end of the counter, along with a stack of cups. I grabbed a cup and pulled the nozzle upwards, filling it with warm, steamy coffee. The smell filled my nose and I sighed. It smelled good; it wasn’t the cheap kind that we commonly found at diners and fast food restaurants. Dylan would be happy. I grabbed him a doughnut from the counter, too.
The lady at the check-in desk, Kate, smiled at me as I finished gathering my treats. I smiled at her and to my surprise, she motioned me over to her.
“I recognize you,” She grinned at me. Today she had her hair swept into a bun and was wearing too much lipstick. “You’re the girl who was with Mr. Hampshire, right?”
“Yes,” I said carefully. “I am.”
“I know it’s not very professional, but I have to ask….are you his girlfriend?”
“No, I’m not.” I was surprised. “Why?”
“I was just curious.” Judging by the look she was giving me, I could tell that she thought I was too plain to be the girlfriend of a knockout like Dylan. “Is he single?”
Before I could answer, she backtracked.
“I’m sorry, that wasn’t very professional of me to ask. Forget I said anything. I just…haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since yesterday…I’m sorry, I’m probably coming off as such an idiot.” Her cheeks were red and she was flustered. I almost felt sorry for her.
“He’s single.” I tried not to laugh at her flustered state.
“Oh.” She muttered. Her face lit up. “Oh! Here, will you give him this?” She handed me a piece of paper from the stack on the desk. It was a flyer for a banquet of some sort and it had the date and time underneath. At the bottom was a cartoon of a couple dancing.
“A banquet?” I asked.
“Yeah. I know it’s kind of cheesy, but hey, it might be fun.” She blushed, smiling at me. “I’m required to go, since I’m on the staff. It’s free, though. So you both are welcome to come. I’m Kate, by the way.”
“Bella.” I shook her hand, stealing a little less than a week.
*******
“A banquet?” Dylan asked. “Sounds gooey and romantic. Gross.” He was in a much better mood after he had his coffee.
“It might be fun.” I muttered.
“It sounds stupid.” He snorted, throwing his arm over his eyes. I sat in the large armchair in the corner, secretly disappointed that he didn’t want to go. It sounded like fun, plus I thought it would hilarious to see Kate drool all over Dylan.
“It might be a good opportunity to go and steal,” I said quietly, keeping my eyes on him. “Plus, it would give us a chance to get to know the people in town.”
“I don’t care about the people in town.” Dylan huffed. “But you’re right, it might be a good night to go and steal. We couldn’t take too much, though. If we drained somebody there, we’d make a spectacle of ourselves. And we wouldn’t want that, would we?”

I was counting down the days until the banquet. We spent our days sleeping in, watching TV, and then going out and stealing at a bar or shop. Dylan let me wander around the hotel sometimes; I enjoyed the few precious times I had to explore. Of course, I wasn’t allowed to leave the hotel unless I was with him, which I didn’t mind. The hotel itself was enough to keep me entertained. I enjoyed the spa; to my surprise, Dylan actually allowed me to get massages and beauty treatments. He even let me get my hair done. Subtle golden highlights had been added to my hair, and they had curled it and dressed it to perfection.
My favorite, though, was the pool. The first time I went was with Dylan. I had only been swimming a few times; when we needed to make a quick getaway. Swimming in a pool for fun was something that was enjoyable and leisurely. The second time I went down to the pool room, I was without Dylan. We had been at the hotel for almost a week, and I was much more comfortable with the elevator. My knuckles didn’t even turn white when I gripped the handrail anymore.
Living in the hotel was the best choice Dylan had ever made for us. How long had he planned for us to stay here? I privately hoped that we would live here forever. Getting room service delivered, my hair and nails done whenever I wanted and sleeping in my own bed was a slave’s paradise. Living in the lap of luxury was everything I could ask for and more. Although somewhere in the back of my mind, a voice was telling me not to get too comfortable here. Whenever I settled in too much, we picked up our things and left. Knowing Dylan, he could choose to leave at any time. But something told me that he was enjoying his time here too. I had never seen him so relaxed; at ease.
*******
I was excited for tonight, but Dylan wasn’t quite there yet. We ordered room service for lunch; Dylan ate on his bed while I sat on the floor. The food was delicious as usual; Dylan had ordered himself a huge cheeseburger and had chosen a salad for me. I was never too picky and always ate whatever Dylan chose for me. It wasn’t too bad of a life; he always made sure I was fed and I never had to work for a living. Serving Dylan had its perks; especially since we had started living in the hotel. He had the TV on, watching a strange show about people having to survive in the wilderness. I wondered how I would do if I was left to survive in the middle of nowhere. If I had Dylan with me, I’d probably do okay.
After we ate, Scout crawled into my lap. I stroked his back absentmindedly and he rolled over so I could scratch his stomach. My mind drifted as I picked at my salad and soon I was lost in thought.

Whispering. I could hear whispering. I knew that the words were in English, but my brain was having trouble translating the words. My head was fuzzy, as if I had been asleep for a very long time. My muscles felt tight and my eyes weren’t ready to open. Drowsiness had consumed my body, making me feel as if I weighed a thousand pounds.
What had happened? The last thing I remembered was the ball of fire opening up and swallowing me whole….
Oh, the fire. I felt a tremor roll through my body. Tears formed in my eyes and I tried to push them back. The pain had been so terrible….
How was I still alive? It wasn’t possible. I was dead. I was obviously dead.
“Bella?” Somebody was standing fairly close to me. The doctor, maybe? No, it couldn’t be. He couldn’t be dead too. My head turned slightly at the sound. I managed to groan a little. “Come on, Bella. I know you’re awake. Open your eyes.”
As soon as I was told to, my eyes snapped open. It was as if something had forced my body to comply. I stared up at him and he stared back.
“Doctor…” I whispered. It was then that I realized that my body was strapped down to a table by thick leather straps. My arms were pinned down, as were my feet. The doctor pressed a button on a remote and the table tilted so I was almost standing. I was at enough of an angle that I could still lay comfortably, which was good because my limbs were still stiff. I was frozen with shock, though.
“Relax, Bella,” He said soothingly. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
My body relaxed immediately, though internally, I still wasn’t comfortable.
“What happened?” I rasped, thirsty. My throat felt like sandpaper.
“What do you remember?” He replied.
I hesitated before answering.
“Tell me.” He commanded. The words were tumbling out of my mouth before I could stop them.
“I remember the hospital. You told me you were going to help me and we were in the middle of a field…and…I don’t know. I remember the fire. And now I’m here and I don’t know what’s going on.” I was crying at this point. The doctor wiped my tears gently.
“Anything else?” He asked softly.
I shook my head.
“Why am I tied down?”
He ignored my question.

“Bella, my name is Dylan. I’m not a doctor. I’m a thief. And now, so are you.”

Comments & reviews · 5
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User avatar
AmethystNight
Review

Wow! Just wow! This is my favourite chapter yet. The way that Bella is forced to confront the consequences of what she's done is fantastic. I have a feeling that things are going to change greatly for her now that she is starting to feel something for the people that she drains. It was simply splendid. You perfectly describe the emotions that change so drastically throughout the scene.
My favourite part of this chapter is when she decides to drain Eric so that he can be with his daughter. The emotion that you put into that scene is simply splendid.

My eyes shut, trapping my tears behind them.

Love that bit - I had to stop myself from crying.
I am still not entirely sure about how I feel about Dylan - I hate him but I kind of like him a little too. But I absolutely love Bella. She is everything a main character should be, strong with a week side, smart but innocent and tantalisingly flawed. I looooove her. This is quickly becoming one of my favourite books. Just brilliant.
My only bit of advice is to give this another proofread - there are a few minor errors that you could quickly fix to really polish this.
As usual, an amazing job and I can't wait for more.
Happy writing.

User avatar
manisha
Review

Darling! You are my current favorite writer!
WHOA again!
This was another excellent chapter!

Anger surged through my body, spreading like wildfire. I hated myself for liking how his life tasted.
I am starting to like now. She is beginning to have a conscious. I wonder if she will find loop hole to escape from Dylan and rebel against him!

I agree with High Top. Eric doesn't seem to very much affected by his daughter's death especially when much time hasn't passed by.

The flashbacks are very well timed!

There, Eric. Now you’re with your little girl, right where you belong.
No! Eric cannot be dead! All the characters I like usually always end up dead!

Overall, I love it, I love it, I love it!

Please please do let me know when the next chapter is up!

-manisha

User avatar
SlushySlapped
Review

HELLO ROSIE-KINS! (I'm stealing this because it's much better than Writer-Face. Unless you prefer to be called Writer-Face... then I shall call you Writer-Face.) You already kind of know how I feel about this. I believe my exact words were: kfjwpjjq'fj';rhw;f2ef;iwea;hf...

Or something along those lines. I've never done a line by line review, but you did one for me, so I'm going to give it a shot. Now here I go... Wahoo! ;)

The taste of his life was smooth and decadent. If it was food, it would’ve been some type of candy, drizzled in caramel.


I love this description. Is it weird that this makes me want to have a taste, too? Because his life sounds delicious.

“Listen…if I did anything to upset you…I’m very sorry….”


Spaces after the ellipses, my darling.

It was chilly outside and I smiled when he draped his suitjacket around my shoulders.


I love chivalry. I wish it wasn't dead, but this makes me like Eric that much more.

Suddenly, inspiration hit me. I left my dress and the shorts in the bathroom and walked out into the hallway in just my underwear and his shirt. I was feeling bold tonight.


I LOVE THIS. It was indeed very bold.

The part where things got... steamy, was written beautifully. I love those parts and there always better when the author executes them like you have here. Nice job on that!

“No, Bella. You just took some of that man’s life.”


Everything about this line is perfect. Ending the flashback with this was absolutely genius! I seriously love learning about her life sucking powers.

As for the little girl being Eric's daughter, I do have to say I agree with HighTop. I would have liked to see him a little more emotional too, especially since it didn't seem like too much time had passed.

Before I could change my mind, I turned towards him, pressing my hand gently against his chest. His life rushed through my palm, the sweet, caramel-like taste coursing through my body.

There, Eric. Now you’re with your little girl, right where you belong.


My head was screaming, "NOOOOOOO!" Sometimes I have really spot on intuition for things that might happen and I have a feeling I know why Eric had to go.

I can't wait for more flashbacks! Overall, this was really good! I can not wait to read more Rosie-kins! XD

User avatar
Gardevite
Review

Are you ready? REVIEW COMIN' AT YA!

As you know! I've already shared my opinions on most if this, which is that I loved it! As always! So I'm going to focus on the ending!

I thought that this ending was much better than the two previously presented to me! (That's right readers I got a sneak preview). You still incorporated one of the endings, but without getting go farfetched about it, which is good!

One thing I had a problem with was the timeframe. It felt like only about two weeks had passed since the girls death and he seemed to be very 'It's in the past' about it. I would have liked him to be more emotional!

So other than that, I loved it :D write more or I'm going on hunger strike!

User avatar
Gardevite
Comment

I'm going to be the first to review this on review day!



I understand what you're saying, and your comments are valuable, but I'm gonna ignore your advice.
— Roald Dahl