z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Well, somebodys done their homework...

by imyourdensity


WARNING: This is a sequel to "Thanks alot facebook..." so if you haven't read it you most likely will be confused. I could just give you a small sort of summary up here, but then you guys probably won't read it sooo... yeah. :)

_________________________________________________________________________________

Loading... Loading... Loading...

“Loading... Loading... Loading-“

“Ugh! Would you STOP!!” I shouted.

Tweedy flinched and looked around startled.

Great. Now she can’t even tell when she’s being annoying.

Everyone in class sat at their desks in dark despair facing the whiteboard.

Miss Ready sat at her desk as Tweedy and Frankenstein (ergo star pupil number two who’s just really tall) helped her attach her computer to a projector.

So she could showcase facebook like a cinema and the faces of the guilty students on widescreen.

“Ugh. This is torture! Make it stop Isa.” I cried.

Silence was my reply.

I looked around the room for Isa.

The blinds were closed so class was a little dark but... I could still see everyone glaring at me. I shrunk and told myself they were looking at the screen, but my heart sunk as I realised everyone except for Isabelle was here.

Great! Now everyone hates me-

“Over there.”

A finger pointed to a window with Isa just outside the door talking on the phone. Knowing her it was probably her parents. This is gonna be the first black mark on her tidy record and I put it there. I should definitely apologize- Does that finger belong to who I think it does?

Nea sat next to me on my right in Isa’s seat, his hand came back to join the other in cradling his chin.

“Sorry. Stole her seat.” He confessed with a smile,

I glanced to Nea’s desk, three desks away from me on my left and wasn’t at all sorry that it was empty. I looked back to Isa’s desk and the boy sitting at it and stared.

After a few moments of awkward staring Nea’s face changed,

“Um. I can move back if you want-“

NO!

“-That’s alright, we’ll trade.” Isa chirped. I whirled to my left to see Isa perch down into Nea’s seat with a quick wink at me.

“Thank you soooo much. You’re the best. I love you so much. I owe you one! I owe you big time actually!” I mouthed to her, hoping my watery eyes were covered by the dark as well.

A confused look was all I got back.

I turned back to the screen and tried not to be creepy. Smiling like a dork would definitely be creepy, so don’t smile, okay. Just don’t smile- don’t smile, don’t smile, don’t smile, don’t-

“You look awfully happy for a girl whose facebook page is about exposed.” Nea examined, raising an eyebrow.

My heart sank to the floor, which was where it was a couple of minutes ago anyway.

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, I chanted as my eyes began to water and spill over.

All those photos I took, all those posts, all the people I talked about and tagged, all of the comments I got back, all of those people are gonna... hate me!

Someone sucked in a shocked breath and I cringed.

Here it comes, my facebook page is about to be exposed. All will be revealed, my parents will find out about my shenanigans and then Miss is gonna, she’s gonna-

Nea wiped the tears from my eyes.

Not half-heartedly either, but fully turned my head and wiped my tears off with his thumbs and palms, practically massaged my cheeks...

I honestly wish I had more tears, because it only lasted a couple of seconds.

“Don’t cry. No one’s gonna blame you. N-not really...” He lied in a reassuring tone, wiping his hands on his jeans with a small smile.

There are no words for this.

And I wish I could’ve just paused things there. I wish all that I saw was his face. I wish that I didn’t notice Tweedy pull up her profile. Or that she clicked on one of her photo albums.

In an album called “Class B12” she clicked on a photo, and suddenly my face was projected on the screen.

The class was silent as Tweed stood in front of Miss Ready. She stood like the first speaker at a funeral... my funeral.

“This was taken at the party yesterday.” She announced.

The only face clear in the photo was, unfortunately, my own.

Once again I had liquor in my hands, although I could probably argue that it was the same two bottles I’d held before.

One thing for certain though, there’s no getting out of this one. I am definitely taking the fall for this. Under-age drinking.

Everyone else in the photo was dancing around the bonfire we’d lit out of a combination of dry wood, birch bark, fire starters and any rubbish we could chuck in it to keep it going. Some of the students that were facing the camera were blurred, probably by moving too fast, others had their faces covered by crazy hats, hidden by hair-

Tweedy must really hate me.

Her eyes gleamed as she watched my face shrivel at her evidence, just genuinely happy about my suffering.

She should seriously have her own uniform I thought as I examined that her short sleeved white blouse and black knee length skirt was exactly like mine.

After all there should be a special sort of costume for someone like her.

A witch’s costume, a demon’s costume maybe?

Nah, too pretty for her.

A golden retriever perhaps.

A mutt.

A female dog-

“Although I don’t participate in such activities or with anyone involved in such, I pay very good attention to our class’s reputation online.”

Miss Ready and Frankenstein nodded in unison.

“You should all thank me.” She moaned her face in a pitifully plastic pout.

Glares met her extended arms.

“Thanks to me, I’ve saved some of you from staying behind after class in punishment-“

Oh? You mean that ‘punishment’ you were meant to share as well?

Short-term memory loss all of a sudden?

Isa hissed in response, while Nea looked... calm?

“After all it’s-“

“-gotta be fake.” Nea finished, shaking his short black hair, his black eyes boring into Tweedy’s grey ones.

Once again, he’d claimed everyone’s attention with few words and little effort.

All though you don’t have to say much if you looked like…

Stop looking!

I forced my eyes to focus on Miss Ready’s, comparatively, hideous face.

Miss Ready was through answering Nea, she stared pointedly at the screen as if she didn’t hear what he’d said.

It was probably because she never really won her ‘battles’ with him in class, she would need the Principal for that. But Tweedy thought she’d be able to handle it, after all she was on a roll today.

“What was that Mr. Arteton?” She ‘thundered’ in her Mickey mouse of a voice.

I think that was supposed to sound like Miss Ready, judging from the sniggers from some of the guys in class.

Nea broke out laughing, each chuckle untangling a knot in my stomach. I stared at him.

“It’s fake, right? Photo shopped? Wait...” He raised an eyebrow again,

“You do know what photo shop is right? It’s this photo editing program-“

“What am I an Idiot?-“

Nea, I beg of you, please answer her question.

He smiled at the opening she’d left him but stayed focused on something else he was getting to,

“So it is, then? It’s fake?” he challenged. Tweed’s eyes narrowed,

“Of course it’s not-“

“Are you sure you’re sources are correct?”

“Yes! This was definitely at the party!”

Are you suuuure?” He taunted, his eyes crinkling as he grinned, leaning forward, cocking his head to the side. His eyes fixed solely on Tweedy’s suddenly pale face.

My mind blanked.

I’ll pretend that I didn’t just see that it took Tweedy a long moment to answer him. Clearly because he’d asked her like, well, like that. Once recovered, she raised her chin.

“Of course I am! It’s not fake- I’m absolutely sure it was at the party-”

“Then how did you get it.”

“-what do you think I am some sort of disobedient...” she drifted off.

I’ve never seen Tweedy’s eyes blink so fast.

I’d done the math as soon as I saw the photo, but I was freaking out was because I’d get pinned for drinking.

But the rest of the class leaned forward staring at the photo a lot more closely.

Not only was the picture at the party, which she ‘didn’t attend’.

It was also kind of similar to the photo Miss Ready had showed me. In fact If I had to remember this was taken a few seconds after the first-

Wait a second.” Frankenstein exclaimed as he glowered at Tweedy’s ashen face.

“You...” was all he said, but somehow said a whole lot more with the look on his face.

Finally everyone, who was at the party, spoke up,

“Hey, if you weren’t at the party then how come-“

someone blurted before Tweedy stammered,

“It... it’s not my- I didn’t actually take it.” She exclaimed, fake insult colouring her voice.

Then who did?”

“I thought you said you didn’t ‘associate’ with people like that.”

“Who took it then? Someone from our class? Is anyone in our class actually friends with you online?”

Frankenstein ducked his head, while Tweedy panicked at the very very very scary look on Miss Ready’s face. Even I cringed, that’s the worst glare I’ve ever seen from her and that is saying something.

“We’ll? We’re waiting... Miss Tily Daniels.” Nea growled, eyes blazing.

“This is outrageous!” Tweedy laughed, eyes terror filled.

It certainly is, how dare he say you’re name like that. This is so unfair!

A different sort of silence filled the room as we all watched Tweedy search for an explanation. Which after two or three minutes it was clear she didn’t have one.

It still gonna suck, getting this on my record, but amazingly a miracle happened.

In complete unison with Nea, we both grinned and said,

See you in Detention.

Nea and I stared at each other.

NEXT CHAPTER


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532 Reviews


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Sun Aug 25, 2013 12:36 pm
ArcticMonkey wrote a review...



Hi density!

What I liked most about this piece was that it's really current. I know a few people who have had similar problems due to facebook or other social networking sites so I just think it's good to be talking about something that a lot of people nowadays can relate to. I think your characters are looking pretty solid.

Okay so there's quite a bit of dialogue here and I found a lot of the time, it was just a bit confusing because there was so much. I suggest you don't put so much dialogue so close together without any breaks otherwise it just all gets a bit messy. Maybe you could fill in those gaps with some description, because I really didn't think there was enough in here. I think you've got some good comical elements which is good, but not much description. Maybe I missed them all in the previous part, but make sure you're consistently describing things so that the reader gets a feel of what is going on.

Overall, I liked this, and it leaves me wanting more. You've taken a good subject to talk about, but made it more interesting! I hope this review helped, feel free to PM me with any questions you have or if you'd like another review on anything.

Keep writing!
~ArcticMonkey x




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Sun Aug 25, 2013 10:53 am
OliveDreams wrote a review...



Hello there :) Here to review your work on this amazingly fine review day!
I will review as I read so that it will make a little more sense to both me and you. :) I tend to get my knickers in a twizzle otherwise.

Here goes!

"“This is gonna be the first black mark on her tidy record and I put it there” - I really like this line! It has me intrigued already but I don't think you need the italics.

““You look awfully happy for a girl whose facebook page is about exposed.” Nea examined, raising an eyebrow.” - This really made me laugh! I think every girl in the world knows this feeling of embarrassment. I can already tell that you're going to be great with the comical side of things.

I'm interested to know why Tweedy's name is Tweedy! Maybe it's in the prequel I haven't read?

““It’s fake, right? Photo shopped? Wait...” He raised an eyebrow again,
“You do know what photo shop is right? It’s this photo editing program-“ - You don't need a new line to happen here. Its confusing to the reader because it makes it seem like a new person is talking even though they're not.

I love love love the ending! I want them to be together already!

Good luck and I look forward to reading some more of your stuff soon!

Olive <3




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Sun Aug 25, 2013 2:14 am
Iggy wrote a review...



Hello again.

She should seriously have her own uniform I thought


Missing some commas, here. "She should seriously have her own uniform, I thought, .."

“You should all thank me.” She moaned her face in a pitifully plastic pout.


She moaned her face? What?

All though you don’t have to say much if you looked like…


Although*

how dare he say you’re name


Your*

Nea and I stared at each other.


In my honest opinion, consider omitting that. The "See you in detention." was a better way to end the chapter.


Your major weakness, it seems, is punctuation. Always, always, always read back and preview your work before you submit it, then read it again. This will help up notice all grammar errors, so the readers will have no choice but to focus on the story primarily.

I love how this is going thus far! The names are odd, but hey, I like them! I love how Tweedy's attempt to rat Paris out backfired. I think you have much promise in your wrong, so keep it up and link me when the next chapter comes out!

Keep on writing and BLACK PLAGUE FOREVER.

~Iggy




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Sun Aug 25, 2013 1:47 am
Lozzanator wrote a review...



This is really good. I like it. It's an interesting idea, fairly original. Interesting names, too, albeit a little unrealistic. I'll be honest and don't take this the wrong way, I was little confused to begin with. I didn't really get the loading or the Facebook part but now I do once I read it for a second time. Keep up the good writing, it's entertaining and refreshing! ~ Lozzanator




Iggy says...


Before the story began, s/he told us that this was a continuation of "Thanks a lot Facebook", which you can see by looking to the right. Read that and then you'll understand the loading Facebook part.

Be sure to pay attention to those kind of things ;)



Lozzanator says...


Yeah I noticed after I read it, which is why I understood it the second time round :)




This looks like a really bad episode of Green Acres.
— David Letterman