Going to read soon.... I promise! 
Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
Prologue
Like many little girls I spent most of my time day dreaming about my future and what it would hold. One day particularly consumed my thoughts. My wedding day. The time I spent thinking about it surpassed absurdity by a landslide. In fact, every little detail was still alarmingly fresh in my memory. Even though it was only a figment of my imagination.
The reoccurring color scheme of pink and white. Just everywhere. My ivory tulle ball gown with sheer straps and an asymmetrically draped skirt. An elegant square neckline and a pale pink sash circling my waist to complete the dress. The single tier veil placed on my head of perfectly curled locks. Not to mention my beautiful bouquet of pink and white lilies (of course). The ceremony taking place in, none other than, the very church my parents wed in years ago.
As I would pass each of the pews, I'd recognize the hundreds of emotional relatives and friends supporting me on my big day. No one would be able to find a trace of nervousness within me because I knew that that was where I belonged. I'd take my sweet time to look up, to find him waiting for me. My groom, Johnny Depp.
It
Was
Perfect.
'Twas a wistful day when I discovered marrying Johnny Depp wasn't exactly feasible. After Johnny I had difficulty picturing the man that would hold my heart forever. Even as I got older and began dating, my beau's couldn't fill the blank face. Something was always in the way. His face was blurred, I was dragged back into reality, someone absurdly objected before the wedding even began, etcetera.
I just couldn't shake the growing sensation in the pit of my stomach. The one that insisted I would end up alone with twenty cats. Though, I guess I wouldn't be entirely alone. All I knew was that there was no such prince charming with his gallant horse on his way to save me. And just when I had thrown my arms up in defeat, ready to live a desolate and gloomy life, Parker caught me by surprise.
No, really.
He literally caught me.
***
I sat across from the most disgusting man on the universe. How did I end up on a date with him? I watched in utter revulsion as Henry Wallaby chewed his salad, with his mouth open, spitting food in my direction as he spoke. He seemed to be oblivious to my are you serious? glare. He was blabbing on about his job at Best Buy, something about a promotion. He seemed almost impressed with himself. I, on the other hand, really didn't give a crap. I desperately wanted the horrendous date to end. This couldn't get any worse.
I
Was
Wrong.
Henry continued his never ending rant, still masticating obnoxiously, when his right hand slowly crept towards his pants. Oh, God. I swallowed roughly, as he made it clear to me that he was fully aware of the fact that I could see what he was doing. Henry slipped his hand inside his pants and gave himself a scratch. A long and good scratch. He suggestively raised an eyebrow at me then proceeded to grab a breadstick.
With that same hand!
No. This had to be some kind of cruel, cruel joke. One of which I failed to find any humor in. I rested my elbow on the table, pinching the bridge of my nose while I picked up my glass of wine with my other hand. I tipped the glass back, emptying the entire contents into my system.
Unfortunately there was not enough alcohol in the world to remove this painful image from my memory. This moment would most likely scar me for life.
Finally having had enough, I discretely clicked a button on my phone making it beep.
"Sorry, one second," I muttered, pretending to read a text. I feigned disappointment. "Shoot. I'm going to have to go. My roommate is locked out. Thanks for dinner! Sorry I can't stay." More like sorry I didn't think of this genius plan sooner. I quickly bolted towards the nearest exit. I heard him call after me, but I couldn't look back. Nor did I want to. I knew I'd either feel guilty or sick and I definitely wasn't willing to find out.
I threw the restaurant door open, huffing in frustration as I stepped foot on my New York streets. Another train wreck of a date. Why did they always seem normal when they asked me out? I knew that was a question I'd never find the truth to.
I stopped by the store only a few minutes from my apartment to seek out the only men who knew how to please a woman properly.
Ben and Jerry.
The rest of my night would consist of me, three pints of Cherry Garcia and The Notebook. Oh, and how could I forget my tears of jealously? I sighed, sulking my way through the store, finding the isle I sadly knew too well. My eyes and mind were completely focused on retrieving the only satisfaction I'd be having for the evening, but apparently the universe was against that. Suddenly my feet were flying up to eye level and before I could register what was happening, it was too late. I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for my back to hit the ground.
Except it never happened. Instead I felt two strong arms beneath my back, holding me up. I slowly opened my eyes focusing on the handsome man, now pulling me into a standing position.
"Are you okay?" His beautiful voice made me completely forget the ability to form words. I was staring. And stare I did for a whole three minutes before I decided to answer him.
"Yeah. I, um. Well... I... now. Thanks."
I could have sworn when that ran through my mind there was English involved. He laughed softly at my idiotic state, only distracting me further. His hand lingered on my arm. My eyes flicked down acknowledging his touch. He must have thought it made me uncomfortable because he pulled his hand away. While inside I was screaming, "No! Please, touch me more!" My dirty thoughts, unstoppable. I mentally slapped myself and demanded my body to act normally.
"Sorry. I guess that was more traumatic than I thought. Thanks for catching me," I mumbled lamely. I silently thanked the universe that I hadn't actually had the three pints of ice cream in my arms. It would have only made him think I was an imbecile and a pig. His smokey grey eyes stared thoughtfully into my generic brown ones, making the butterflies in my stomach flutter. I habitually tucked a strand of my strawberry blonde hair behind my ear.
"No problem. I couldn't let a beautiful girl like you land in that mess." He shrugged and gestured towards the grape juice splattered on the floor beside us.
And just like that the man had my heart and I didn't even know his name. Not only did he save me from an incredibly embarrassing disaster, but he called me beautiful. What more could a girl ask for?
Never mind.
He reached out his hand. "I'm Parker Keys."
"Nora. Nora Duval," I replied as I shook his hand slowly. Who am I? James Bond? God. He either didn't notice or didn't care he was introducing himself to a moron. He smiled down at me, flashing his pearly whites. He had to be a model of some sort.
We began walking, carrying on with our grocery shopping. Together. We conversed for a half hour. Yes, that's right, I was finally able to articulate. I picked up only one Cherry Garcia and a few other unnecessary items. We exchanged numbers and went our separate ways. I couldn't help but feel slightly deflated that he hadn't asked me out. I thought we had really hit it off. My phone rang and I answered it without checking the caller I.D.
"Hello?"
"Hi. This is Parker. Parker Keys. I know it's been ages since we last spoke, but I was wondering if you'd like to go out to dinner with me tomorrow night?" If I wasn't in public, I would have danced in triumph. I bit my lip and teased him.
"Hmmm. Parker Keys? Ah, yes! I remember you..." I heard him laugh airily. "I'd love to," I finished.
***
From that moment on, I was his.
It was impossible not to fall for Parker. If you were to look up the term "perfect" in the dictionary, you'd find Parker Keys to be the definition. His dark hair was short and trim. His jaw was shaven clean. He looked as if he had stepped out of a magazine with the clothes he wore. Oh, no. The perfection did not stop there. Parker Keys wasn't just a pretty face, ladies and gentlemen. He was smart. Top of his graduating class. He was polite. His etiquette went above and beyond please and thank you. He was reliable. His number one pet peeve was failing to follow through. He was giving. Parker was always donating what he could to charities and volunteering when he was available.
There was so much more, but above all else, he loved me. And in eight weeks.
Forty-eight days.
One thousand, one hundred and forty-one hours.
Sixty-eight thousand, four hundred and sixty minutes.
Whatever measurement of time you wanted to use, I would officially be Nora Keys.
Hi SlushySlapped! Here to review your two pieces as requested in the forum! Representing the gorgeous green lanterns of course! I will review as I read to make this all go a little smoother!
Here goes!
“Like many little girls I spent most of my time day dreaming about my future and what it would hold. One day particularly consumed my thoughts. My wedding day.” - I love this line. Very clever of you to pick up on a subject that a gazillion of girls can immediately relate to!
“Not to mention my beautiful bouquet of pink and white lilies (of course).” - I love the detailed description you've given us of this characters 'perfect' wedding dress! It gives a really clear picture in my mind. I would say that you don't need the (of course) here though. We don't know the character so we don't know that it's obvious she would pick white lillies. If that makes sense!
“My groom, Johnny Depp.” - This made me laugh so much! I love that you've added a little comedy in here.
AHHH! This Henry guy is revolting! You've done an amazing job of actually making me wince along with your character at her date! I really felt as if I was there.
“And in eight weeks.
Forty-eight days.
One thousand, one hundred and forty-one hours.
Sixty-eight thousand, four hundred and sixty minutes.” - I love love loved this! I think it was such a good touch to end the prologue! Bet it took you a long time to work out too! Haha!
On to chapter one!
Olive <3
Hello my dear Slushy-face! Rosie here for a review. I shall try not to be too biased in my review, although I do love you oodles and oodles! I decided to give you a line by line, because why not? So here goes! Wheee!
In fact, every little detail was still alarmingly fresh in my memory. Even though it was only a figment of my imagination.
….single tier veil placed on my head of perfectly curled locks. Not to mention my beautiful bouquet of pink and white lilies (of course).
The ceremony taking place in, none other than, the very church my parents wed in years ago.
My groom, Johnny Depp.
It
Was
Perfect.
…my beau's couldn't fill the blank face.
The one that insisted I would end up alone with twenty cats.
….to seek out the only men who knew how to please a woman properly.
So I like when people critique my work so I'm just going to comment as I go.
"The time I spent thinking about it surpassed absurdity by a landslide." This is so clever. I love it.
In the next part I like how you clearly state it's an imagined wedding but it flows as a memory, it's very dynamic. I like how you space some of those short sentences widely for dramatic affect. I can practically hear her tone in my head. I like her thoughts in italics. It's a technique I use a lot and often creates a needed contrast and mood to the situation.
"I stopped by the store only a few minutes from my apartment to seek out the only men who knew how to please a woman properly.
Ben and Jerry." This line is ultra cute!
"I could have sworn when that ran through my mind there was English involved." Clever! It's little funny lines like these (the ones that make readers like me smile dumbly) that make a character and a great story. If this were on paper I'd probably write "heehee" by it, literally.
"And just like that the man had my heart and I didn't even know his name. Not only did he save me from an incredibly embarrassing disaster, but he called me beautiful. What more could a girl ask for?
Never mind." Cute! And wistful! I especially like the added touch of the never mind. This is one of those characters people want to be friends with in real life because they're always interjecting funny things to make you laugh.
"He either didn't notice or didn't care he was introducing himself to a moron" From now on when you write something I think is clever, cute, or funny I'm just going to put a smiley by it so you get the point. 
Ultra adorable! This is my kind of story! I'm so glad I insisted on coming over to take a peek! Johnny Depp fantasy is not a unique thing but how you put it into the story was. Good transitioning. Also descriptive paragraphs about people can get messy and boring and what not but yours was excellent. Great opening.
Oh hi! I didn't realise there was a prologue to this! YUMMY.
Again I just loved your writing. I liked this one as well because it was so humourous. I loved the whole Johnny Depp thing, I didn't see it coming and it was beautifully done. I also liked the Ben & Jerry's discussion, because I know that we all feel like that sometimes. This also makes a lot more sense of the first chapter, because you do describe the wedding dress here- although I still think a few details wouldn't go amiss in the first chapter.
Also a little thing - while I love lilies, and Nora loves lilies, aren't lilies usually reserved for funerals? Didn't this ever cross her mind- or the mind of anybody advising her- while she was planning her wedding?
I also thought that the timeskip towards the end- where you jump from their first meeting to present day, if you will, could use a label. You know- is it three years on? A year on? I just thought that it jumped a little bit too quickly.
Other than that, I don't have a whole bunch of criticism- oh- yeah- how did she meet the guy from the disgusting date? It seems to me that considering she's getting married at 24, she's too young to start the whole desperately-dating-anything-above-a-5 thing that older women do in these kinds of stories. But then, Nora is obviously pretty obsessed with marriage so maybe it fits in well with her character.
But I actually really enjoyed this as well- which is saying something- because I generally hate prologues. Urgh, sorry I couldn't be more helpful!
Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!
-Stella x
Please let me know when you post the next chapter!
This is really good, and I can't wait for an update.
With Love,
Paige
Hello
The voice in this story is really quirky and fun! Some stories don't really have the voice or in other ways the personality of the character. But this one obviously has a very strong one, Nora says things that people think but don't say to others. Which leads me to say that it is very funny. I don't think I have laughed out loud when reading story, so kudos.
Hey there!
Overall this story was amazing!
I'd just like to point out my favourite parts, since I just can
Starting from the bottom :')
"There was so much more, but above all else, he loved me. And in eight weeks.
Forty-eight days.
One thousand, one hundred and forty-one hours.
Sixty-eight thousand, four hundred and sixty minutes.
Whatever measurement of time you wanted to use, I would officially be Nora Keys."
That would have to be my next to favourite part out of this whole prologue because of its hilariousness! I would do that myself if I was getting married too! XD
"Hi. This is Parker. Parker Keys. I know it's been ages since we last spoke..."
I don't know if it was just the way I read it or what! But that was some good stuff! I'm crying cause it's that funny (sorry really easy sense of humour!) :')
"He either didn't notice or didn't care he was introducing himself to a moron."
This bit I love because I've said this once before about a guy! .. He finally did realise how much of a moron I was though.. :/ Awkward..
"No! Please, touch me more!" My dirty thoughts, unstoppable."
I just found this so great. My friends exactly like this. OMG. Hahaha :'D
"Henry slipped his hand inside his pants and gave himself a scratch. A long and good scratch. He suggestively raised an eyebrow at me then proceeded to grab a breadstick.
With that same hand!"
OH MY DEAR LORD! XD Funniest thing I've ever seen in a book, but oh god it's true. Boys are dirty, disgusting things. Though I love my guy friends, cause there cool ninjas!
Johnny Depp.
OHMYGOD HE'S A SEXXXY MOFO! I LOVE JOHNNY! (AND BEN AND JERRY...) !!! XD <3
I think thats all my favourite bits XD LOVELY PROLOGUE THOUGH DUDETTE!
And a few parts that were a bit confusing:
"I picked up only one Cherry Garcia"
There's something wrong with this woman, she confuses me. Its like yeah no. I would have taken a lot more than one, I LOVE YOU BEN AND JERRY! XD
ANYWAY! I HOPE YOU WRITE A LOT MORE CHAPTERS AS GOOD AND FUNNY AS THIS ONE! XD
-Charley.
HahaHiya Slushy! Here to review your story~
Okay, so this was a really cool read! I'll start off my review with the things I liked about this, and I think a particular strong point of this was the humour you've put into this. It really brought up the piece from just being a soppy love story, and genuinely made me laugh. The Ben and Jerry and James Bond really made me laugh, which is great! Generally, I don't really like love stories, but I found this to be really interesting and just nice to read . Also the Johnny Depp part is so cute!
Like many little girls I spent most of my time day dreaming about my future and what it would hold.
He was smart. Top of his graduating class. He was polite. His etiquette went above and beyond please and thank you. He was reliable. His number one pet peeve was failing to follow through. He was giving. Parker was always donating what he could to charities and volunteering when he was available.
And about the Parker part. Yeah. I have read that part over a million times and I think I need to cut some of it out too. I'm glad you pointed that out! Oh, and don't worry, exciting things happen. Well, more at the end, but still. Thank you again! 
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