So I have decided to take a new approach to fleshing out my characters. Instead of taking just mere extracts, I think you should be treated to more of the story and the entire premise of it.
Thus in connecting chapter two and three, I believe there is a stronger and clearer understanding of the context and characters.
Maybe I should reward honest feedbacks with cookies and great detailed ones with high points! :D
Chapter 2, Part 2
(Aftermath)
***
He stepped out of the office, finding Regina talking to another man. “Isaac, this is Sage Lionheart, your fighting instructor.”
Sage had spontaneously extended a hand of greeting and Isaac felt compelled to raise his in compliance.
“Ah Isaac!” Sage then gave a pat and a firm assurance on his shoulder. “It’s great to see you alive and kicking.”
The moment he took the hand of Isaac, the latter could feel the immensity of Goliath in him, cupping tightly yet perfectly around his palm. Yet there was a certain harmony that played when he spoke and moved.
“Sir.” Isaac acknowledged with a fearful lowering of his head. His eyes fell to his sharp beard and moustache.
“Boy Gail really scared the hell out of you.” He joked, knowing that such a level of respect deserves notice.
“We should get going.” For a moment, Isaac felt the subtle scorn from Regina. He saw her glare at him from the cutting edge of her eyes, yet they were showing signs of fatigue.
“Indeed, the rest must be excited to see you back again.” Sage turned around and led Isaac down the stairs to the main areas.
For one the latter made no noise, no sound when the ‘lion’ gave him instructions along the way; when he told Isaac to look at a direction he obeyed. When he called him to catch up, silent compliance followed.
Sage had a certain musicality in his stride that Isaac could sense. It echoed the muzak that was playing in the campus interiors; like the innocent yet firm voices of a psalmed choir.
Pillars of strong marble towered at consecutive junctures, marking the path to a different zone within the hallways. Each mighty column, like Sage’s long curled mane, had a Corinthian spiral in solace at its top and on each other. Isaac craned his neck up to observe the warm entry of the sun’s rays coming from the paneled windows. Light was reflecting off the golden linings of the upper floors, enveloping him in the feeling of a fortified citadel.
Isaac’s marvel at the structure soon became fascination when he saw Sage bending down to pick up a furry feline along the way. It looked like a stray, yet the instructor merely gave a pat before setting it down at a nearby fountain.
This happened a few times when several more cats were found following him. He however did not ignore his conversation with Regina who continued to talk like normal!
Isaac frowned at the peculiar setting as Sage set down another cat in the bushes, paired with an artificial waterfall. Passing students had greeted him along the way, even while a cat was relieving itself in his brawny arms.
Isaac began to feel the distance Regina was imposing on him. Yet he remained passive by following them with a lowered head, his back slightly bent forward. It was not long before they arrived at the lecture hall.
Sage told the young lad to find a seat. Lining the place were individual computer tablets, sharable by several students. “Third row to the right, that empty one,” Sage instructed. Stares and whispers echoed, giving a sense of alienation when people turned their eyeballs at Isaac, glaring like some eccentric.
Then, collision! By accident, he bumped into a man. He apologized, before everyone broke out in laughter. Isaac never knew why they found it hilarious, was he an estranged person who commonly makes mistakes? Especially stupid ones?
Regina responded by looking down, covering her head with her palm.
“That’s probably the first time I have seen him make people laugh.” The ‘lion’ said flatly.
Isaac could hardly pay attention when Regina began her briefing; his mind was blank as his headache persisted. His neck muscles contracted from the uneasiness, bringing his eyes across the class, to the doorway. There, he found someone talking to Sage, a man with long red hair, fair skin and a massive body structure. It was impossible; his eyes were the color of hell’s ashes, yet his face bore a beautiful androgynous quality. The red man at the cliffs?
But before the meeting ended, a sharp stab of pain seared through his head, Regina’s voice faded. Then on cue, Isaac collapsed as soon as the students stood. Regina and Sage saw him; the students behind could not ignore, “hey you okay man?”
The young man had lost it; he passed out.
CHAPTER 3, Part 1
(NATURAL SELECTION)
Perhaps it was the pain in his head that kept him awake. Isaac felt it all day long after he came to, having no idea of its origin ever since the red man’s image appeared a few hours ago. Still he knew he had forgotten something, something he had treasured so dearly.
The training center was situated down one of the long and reflective hallways of the campus. Marble and glass panels could be seen at every turn before entry, magnifying the sunlight and view of the central metropolis. Isaac felt the glare the moment his eyes hit the unfiltered rays; even the sounds of shoes on the floor gave him a sear in the head.
Such a rude awakening, and he knew it will not end. Slouching over on a bench, Isaac could hear the murmurs of discussions from a few young adults adorned in the strong colour of the campus uniform. Their eyes bore into him.
“Isaac,” a woman walked over, “it’s good to see you’re alright. I’m Raine Khlarra, remember me a little?”
He had to disappoint her. Well at least he accepted her handshake with some dignity. It felt…mysteriously electrifying when her hand met his.
“Well, be sure to talk to your teammates alright?” She gave an assuring grin, letting an energetic tingle go through Isaac’s shoulder when she patted him.
Raine’s natural deep voice gave a sensation of the fresh pouring of water into a cup; it so happened that Sage was helping himself to some coffee.
She went on to introduce Isaac to the others in the room, however the latter was soon lost in all the information thrown at him.
“What was the name of the short man in white coat? Wait who’s that girl in purple hair? And what about Regina again?”
“And over here are your teammates; Edward Whitewater and Ivy Vapurer.” One thing’s for sure: everyone wore the same campus uniform. The black long sleeved shirts had dark blue lining the collar and the name ‘Alpha C.’ on the pocket.
Isaac could only remember Raine rounding up the introduction by going to Sage.
“Of course,” she firmly squeezed his shoulder, “he's the most important.” She teased before brushing her fingers across Sage’s.
Isaac could not help but get mesmerized, was she an Egyptian goddess? What would it be like to dance with her? Wouldn’t it be exciting to see her in a commanding position?
‘Ok stop.’
Yet throughout the introduction Isaac had noticed a certain distraction he cannot put his finger on; Regina was avoiding his eyes, deliberately angling them toward the mundane control panels.
In a moment Raine ordered her to activate the simulation. The former began adjusting her hairpin in the reflection of the window. Her long white hair held together without any fuzz or stray bands, and she looked particular when combing them with her fingers. Upon closer inspection, Isaac saw tiny sparks repelling each strand even at her waist.
“Heard of the 7 elements Isaac?” The dominant ‘lion’ took over, “we need you to learn this as part of your curriculum.” He found a seat, “this is to teach you defense against elemental attacks. My element is fire, I’m classed as an Arsonist.” Then with a spread of his fingers, the coffee cup burst into flames, “Raine.”
“Regina and I are lightning. Storm Seers,” Raine clarified. Soon her tanned skin lit up, and from her fingers, a brief electrical discharge ionized the air around it.
For a moment, her skin almost looked like the brown gleaming ceramics in the training center, each holding a species of plant for decoration.
......
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hi there!
HAppy Review Day!
manisha here to review for Team Green Lantern!
Go Green Lantern!
Why do I feel I have already reviewed the chapter 2? I'm really confused now!
Anyway, to the review!
“Boy Gail really scared the hell out of you.”
A comma after 'Boy' unless Boy Gail is a nickname for Gail.
Actually now I'm positive I reviewed chapter 2, part 2 before! I will not do that again here. I'll just move on chapter 3.
It felt…mysteriously electrifying when her hand met his.
I do not think the ellipsis is necessary. I usually prefer ellipsis when you leave a thought unfinished or something on those lines. Feel free to ignore this if you want to stick to the ellipsis.
‘Ok stop.’
I'm confused here. Who says this? And why? Is it Isaac's thought?
I still do not see see any light being shed on why Isaac has lost his memory in the first place or why he is here.
I like the way how clueless Isaac is. It shows in his actions and words. Why isn't Regina making any eye contact with him? Is it something significant?
Lot of questions which I'm sure will be answered in the future chapters!
Hope I helped.
Keep writing!
-manisha
Hi Manisha, thanks for the kick-ass review! I will take note on the technical stuff but also the ellipsis kind of adds a mysterious value to Raine. Do you concur?
Oh and the 'ok stop' is actually Isaac, it's in italics but still unclear?
If its a though you do not need to put it inside quotes. Leave it in italics.
As for the ellipsis, you can leave it as it is:)
Ah I get it, thanks Manisha!
Hi Aquila!
I'm sorry for not having reviewed the previous parts, but you say you're trying to flesh out your characters so I'll be sure to make some comments on that as well as a few other things. I'll start off my review with the positives of this piece, and I think a big strong point of this is how you describe everything. This seems to be in the fantasy genre, and being able to describe things well in this genre is really important because well it's a whole new world you're describing!
Having these two 'yet's' so close together doesn't let these sentences flow well.
Well, what are the signs of fatigue? Why don't you talk about them and then get this bit in a bit more detail.
Okay so with fleshing out your characters, I'm going to try and give you a bit of general advice and then comment on what you wrote. Want fleshed-out characters? One simple answer- PLANNING. Do you make character profiles for your characters? I've always found that to be really helpful, and then ask it so many questions. This article here is really helpful at coming up with questions to ask your characters about them. It's not that you then have to include all these details in your story, but if you as the author know all these things about them then it'll be really easy to write about what they do and how they do it. In your story, I thought the dialogue was pretty good at doing this, but you didn't really show off many cool characters quirks that are unique to them.
Overall, this was really good! You have a beautiful way of describing things, but I also agree with Cailley it sometimes distracted from the actual plot and what was going on. So far your characters are looking good, but think about some more details next time. I hope this review helped, feel free to PM me with any questions you have or if you'd like another review on anything.
Keep writing and Black Plague Forever!
~ArcticMonkey x
Hey Arctic! Thanks for reviewing but it's alright if you haven't read because what I hope to achieve is to make it so interesting you will refer and read other chapters haha
But I feel that I should not cram every detail into one chapter like the science fiction stories I've been reading such as Asimov's '2nd Foundation' and Kim Stanley's '2312.' Instead I am sparse so that readers will get even more attached to characters over time haha

Yes I do plan every detail in a character
But thanks for your opinions! I will take note on certain necessary details along the way
Cailey here for a review. I apologize for not having read the other parts of your story, but I wanted to make sure this one got a review.
I love how you portray the main character, the narrator, as being completely confused and lost. I know that if I had read the previous sections I would know what had happened to him, but for the moment I enjoyed how lost he seemed, since I was utterly lost right along with him. You did a fantastic job of showing how overwhelming everything was for him.
I also liked the way you kept referring back to Regina, like either something happened in the previous chapters or is going to happen in the coming ones.
You have some minor mistakes, probably mostly just typos or grammar mistakes that you missed. Reading through again will fix these, or having someone else read it and mark up the grammar and spelling errors.
I would suggest adding some more detail to the story. You have a lot at times, and then you'll move on with no detail. For example, I would like to know more about the 'lion' and more about Regina. And you mentioned the cats, and now I want to know why (but this will probably come in later chapters, huh?)
I can't think of anything else, my main thing is add more detail and description. I feel like you have a great story, and I wish you the best of luck in finishing. Keep writing, and let me know if you ever need anything.
Hey Cailey no need to apologize for not reading the rest
As long as it can get you hooked!
And horray! I succeeded with the main character haha! Do you like Sage the 'lion?' He's sort of the attraction within the story to pull readers in and love him. As for the cats...I think I'll leave it as a mystery for now
What about Regina would you want to know?
You truly did. I felt drawn. I'm not entirely sure about Sage yet. He seems a little bit strange, and I couldn't decide by reading this much whether I liked him or not.

I guess that's something I need to read the rest for, right?
I figured they would be a mystery...
I'm not sure, maybe some about appearance, and the main character seems to know her, so maybe a clue as to how he knows her or why? I don't know, it's your story and only part of it.
Alright, point noted and I'll see what I can do for this and the next chapters