Published August 8, 2013
Culture equal progression
In general culture is a social phenomenon include various activities, habits, traditions and ways of life that characterize a community but for me Culture equal life i mean that she is every where in our clothes food even in our thoughts . It is a reflection of us .Also it builds the Community identityand change perceptions .It is one of the most important means of expressing dreams ; ambitions pains and concerns . In every society we find intellectuals who plays an important role in the analysis of reality and detect problems of economic, social or political, through the vision of not only glorifying the past and justify the present, but seeks to prepare for the future . Also predict the future by taking advantage of the past, present and expected conditions future and how counter it through suggestion solutions for every possible position. Also ; they play a large role in guidance ; counseling and educating members of the community by what they produce such as literature ;stories; poem and novels ; and this contributes to the development of culture, national and global for example, the Tunisian poet Abu El KacemChebbi who called for freedom in Tunisia ‘s colonial times and the Tunisian debater Taher Haddad who called for women ‘s freedom and liberation from all the restrictions and granting rights and freedoms like work and education .For every community there is a cultural heritage which represents a component of his identity and includes the intellectual, scientific, linguistic, architectural production .Also we must be proud of our cultural heritage which born from ourselves and we are obliged to protect it and work hard to revival it and we don’t stop at it because it must be processions with our generation . Culture makes us different and this difference makes us special for this reason we must take care of it by defining our heritage which is the memory of the nation ; being proud of our traditional clothes which we should worn it and developed . Culture is a bridge which leads to progression .It helps us to create a generation who is responsible ; conscious ; faithful able to broadcast their culture over the world .Without culture a society doesn’t had any background and it name will be present in the list of the bastard societies and will be in the dustbin of the history . Culture is a power which helps us to construct a bright future and every one must know that all the culture over the world must be an element of enrichment and the relationship between cultures mustn’t be based on conflicts between strong and weak culture because this lead to the desperation of the weak one .
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hey!
your work is awesome. i like it. your thoughts about culture are simple but very effective. Your presentation of thoughts is also great. where your work disappointed me : punctuation marks, I should be capitalized in your second line. pauses should be in correct place.
albeit thses mistakes are major but not that major. revise your work a bit then everything will be fine. overall great work. keep writing.
Hiya marwa!
but my last point is about your first sentence. You first sentence is to draw people in, and state what you're writing about, but here it's a bit wordy. Empress has done a r good job at rewriting your first sentence, but I think it could be shorted, or broken down into two.
This was a very interesting read and I think you've included some good key points in here. I also really like the topic of this essay type thing, because I think it is something that should be talked about more. As you touch on, culture is something that is often forgotten, and without it societies and countries don't have any sort of background. With my critiques I'll talk about both the layout and content.
So, starting with the layout- PARAGRAPHS! Where are your paragraphs, dear? Paragraphing is really important for various different reasons. Firstly, this may sound a bit odd but it looks nicer! People will want to read your work more if it's not all in one big blob. Also, the more obivious reason which they teach you at school and stuff is to organise your work- and this is particularly important with non-fiction pieces. And because this is an essay, the only time you really need to start a new paragraph is when you talk about a new topic, or idea. Anytime that you start talking about something different than before then you should have a new paragraph.
Something else I noticed is you start a lot of sentences with 'also', which is alright but shouldn't be used all the time. This article I found here shows some really interesting words you could use to start your sentences. Obviously don't go overboard and use them all, but use the words you know the meaning of just to link your points together a bit.
Now in terms of the content, everything is pretty good, and I think you've raised some interesting points however I think you could elaborate on them a bit more. For example talk more about what a society would be without any culture. Really go into more detail, expressing your views and others.
Which brings me onto my next point. Like, I'm not quite sure why you've written this essay, but it seems you've been told to, or have written something that just promotes culture and talks about it's good sides. However with these kinds of things I think it's important to give a balanced argument, because to be honest culture does have it's negatives. Maybe you could talk about how culture could get in the way of love, or cause some sort of an argument. And then you can conclude the piece with your own personal opinion of culture.
I'm going to end with the beginning. Excuse my bad attempt to try and make a joke
This is a good first sentence! I think you should then continue the rest of that sentence with anew sentence- I hope I'm making sense!
Overall, this was a very interesting read and definitely made me think more about culture. I didn't actually mention this before, but your grammar and punctuation could do with a bit more work but fear not! Here there are many articles written by some YWSers about grammar and punctuation which you could check out! Anyways, I hope this review helped! Feel free to PM me with any questions you have or if you'd like another review of anything.
Keep writing!
~ArcticMonkey x
Hi there!
Wow, this is really interesting.
Just a couple of key points to consider:
TITLE:
I think the title would work better as "Culture: Equal Progression". To have it all as one phrase doesn't make sense. Or change it to, "Culture: The Essential Ingredient" or, "The Power of Culture" or something like that.
GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION:
The first sentence is slightly incorrect as well. It should be:
"General culture is a social phenomenon that includes a variety of activities, habits, traditions and ways of life that characterize a community. However, for me, culture is the very fabric of life. She is everywhere. In our clothes, our food... she is even in our thoughts."
And throughout the article there are random spaces before full stops etc. All the punctuation is a bit all over the place, actually. To fix this, just read through it carefully from the very beginning, and say it out loud. Whenever you take a pause when you're reading it, there should be a comma. Also, your sentences are quite long, try and cut down your clauses. Short, snappy sentences can be especially effective in non-fiction.
Your grammar is almost there, just try not to pluralise randomly, and make sure your putting in enough it's and the's etc. And careful when you put 'had' instead of 'had' etc.
PARAGRAPHING:
This article is all one paragraph. Paragraphing is an excellent tool to develop style and tone. I find even one sentence or one word paragraphs to be particularly poignant when emphasising something important. It also changes the pace of the piece. End each paragraph with a key idea or a powerful phrase, as the reader's attention is drawn to what is right at the start and the end of the paragraph.
CONTENT:
The content is very interesting, and I loved the reference to the Tunisian poet, Abu El Kacem Chebbi. Also, I love this line: "Culture is a bridge which leads to progression". And the phrase, "dustbin of history" works really well. Perhaps a better summation sentence would work well for the ending as it feels as though it ends quite abruptly.
Overall, this piece has potential. The main issues are the grammar and punctuation, the spelling is really good. So just sort that out, shorten the sentences, add paragraphs, and fine-tune the content, and it will be brilliant!
Great effort, I enjoyed reading it,
Bethan
Thank you so much for giving me your opinion because this is important for a beginner like me