Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
Author's note: Yes, I know this has been changed. I've been going through a lot of editing, including some structure changes. Bear with me.
Chapter Two
As soon as I opened the door, I cringed, hoping Dylan wasn’t home yet. Maybe I could slip in and go straight to bed without having to face him. My bed was barely what you would call a mattress; the pale blue and white striped mat I pulled out of the closet every night was yellowing with age. At that moment, I wished with everything in me that I didn’t have to stay at the grungy old house. But, it was only a few more days. I could deal with it. As a slave, I had to deal with the consequences of my actions. As tempting as it was to leave sometimes, Dylan would track me down in an instant, beat me to a pulp and then keep an even more watchful eye over me. It was bad enough that he made me wear the thin silver chain around my ankle that prevented me from leaving him. To the normal eye, it looked like an average ankle bracelet. But it was far from that; it was not an object of beauty, but instead an object of prevention. If, for instance, I tried to sneak out of the house in the middle of the night, the thin chain would tighten around my ankle and cut off circulation. If I still resisted, it would send a series of shocks through my body. I had been conditioned so that every time I considered leaving Dylan, a jabbing pain consumed my ankle.
Scout wandered over to me and sniffed at my leg. I stroked his head.
“You’re home early. Put this away.” Dylan said. He took off his tie and I immediately jumped up. I took his jacket from him as he shrugged it off and then headed toward his room to hang it up. Maybe if I didn’t say anything, he wouldn’t know. He watched me. “Why are you so tense?”
Crap.
“Me? Tense? N-No. I’m fine.” In truth, I was terrified of Dylan finding out I had killed another one. I knew it wouldn’t take long for him to find out what I had done. He could always read me so easily and seemed to have an uncanny knack for sensing when I drained someone. His eyes narrowed as he sat down on the couch.
“Hmm,” He stroked his chin thoughtfully with his long fingers. “How much did you get tonight?”
I hesitated. “About seventy-eight years total, I think.”
“Not bad, not bad.”
He held out his hand and I took it.
“Ah,” He sighed softly as the stolen years transferred from me to him. “Good.” A look of pure pleasure held his features and I was happy to see him smile. After he had taken all that I had collected for the night, he frowned.
“You drained someone, didn’t you?” He said softly. I whimpered.
“I…I didn’t mean to…” I braced myself for an explosion of rage.
“You didn’t mean to? People have already started to notice the disappearances! How long will it be until we get caught?! That’s two deaths in the past two days!”
“I wasn’t-“
“Thinking. I’m aware.” He spat. Dylan pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. He was always eerily calm before he lashed out. “You never do seem to think, do you? You never worry about getting caught or killing somebody, or exposing us, do you?”
That wasn’t true. Those were the top three things I worried about. I didn’t dare tell him that, though. It was best to just let him get his anger out and stay quiet.
Dylan’s anger rose and he yelled, an explosion of profanity and fury spilling from his mouth. He lectured me about being a stupid, careless child and then slapped me across the face. I fell to the ground, scrambling away from him. He started throwing things-a telltale sign that he was not going to forgive me anytime soon. He had his hands wrapped around my neck, squeezing harder and harder as he yelled. His face was practically purple and his veins were sticking out as if they were about to pop. I made no effort to fight him off; I knew that the more I struggled, the more he would punish me. If I tried to fight him, it would do as much good as throwing a marshmallow at a brick wall.
There was a knock at the door. Scout barked.
Perfect timing.
Dylan immediately calmed himself, throwing me aside. My head hit the wall and I held it gingerly, glad that I was now in the eye of the storm.
“Who is it?” He called, no trace of anger in his voice.
“It’s the police. Open up!”
“Quick. Hide.” He glared at me and I darted into his room, closing the door. “Not there, idiot!” I opened the door and he thrust a hand at me. The large jewel in his ruby ring glowed brightly and I felt the familiar sensation of his magic. One minute I had been standing there in my sparkling red dress and the next, I felt my bones and skin turning to jelly. Fur grew out of every inch of my rapidly shrinking body as it changed and reshaped itself. It wasn’t unusual for Dylan to use his magic on me; sometimes if he needed to hide me, wanted to punish me or needed some time away from me, he turned me into something else. The transformation itself wasn’t terrible, but then again I was used to it. When he had first changed me, it was an unbearably painful sensation to feel my bones and skin mold and meld into something else. I had been many things throughout my years with Dylan; a dog, fish, gerbil, mouse, turtle, bird, even a lamp. I glanced down at my now furry paws to realize I was a small fluffy cat and was silently thankful not to be a food processor. That time wasn’t because I was being punished, but just because he was hungry.
Dylan answered the door.
“Good evening, sir.” A cop stood on the front porch, flashing his badge and putting it back into his blue uniform. As I stared at him I immediately wondered if he was the cop who had been looking at me.
“Evening.” Dylan said calmly. There was no trace of his temper tantrum. He looked every bit in control of his temper, and completely at ease.
“I’m Officer Bailey.” He said.
“Dylan Hampshire.”
“Is this your residence?”
“Yes.”
“Is your wife here?” The cop asked.
“No wife, sir. I’m a bachelor.”
“Interesting.”
“May I ask what this is about?” I could tell that Dylan’s patience was wearing thin.
The cop stared at him, hard. I knew he was suspicious. “Just a friendly neighborly chat. We saw that you moved in a few days ago. We heard that a woman lives here. A woman named Bella.” The cop didn’t look one bit the welcoming neighbor type. Dylan didn’t even flinch.
I shuddered, trying not to stare at the two men.
“Like I said, I’m a bachelor. And with all due respect, I don’t believe that you’re here to welcome me to the next block party, sir. So we might as well get down to business. If you don’t mind, please tell me what this visit is about.”
The cop sighed and ran his hand through his short dark hair, looking around as if the words he wanted to say were written on the front porch. My tail flicked in anticipation. I tried to mimic Scout’s lazy behavior, but my now-feline body wasn’t as relaxed. I wandered over to the couch and sat down, my fuzzy ears poised and ready to drink in every word.
“My sources say that you were seen walking around town with an attractive woman.”
“And just who might your sources be?” His voice was almost a growl, his fist curling at his side.
“That’s confidential.” The cop said. “And beside the point. The point is that you were seen walking around town with an attractive woman in a red dress.”
“So? Many beautiful women wear red dresses.” It took all my strength not to do a backflip with glee. He had called me beautiful. Even if it were for the sake of an alibi, it still counted as something. I couldn’t help but feel a rush of apprehension as I noticed that the red dress I had been wearing was sitting in a sad pile on the floor. I hoped that the cop wouldn’t notice it, debating on whether or not to grab it myself and hide it.
“Yes. I guess so. The woman was traced back to this place.”
“So?” Dylan repeated.
“The woman, Bella Jameson, was seen talking to a young man at the bar and then dancing with him at the club. The same club that you were at. The young man, Chase Denning, was found in a dumpster tonight near the club. He was out cold.”
“Oh, kids these days. Always getting into shenanigans.” Dylan shrugged. “So he was passed out drunk. He’ll bounce back.”
“You are mistaken, sir. He was…dead.” The cop said. His eyes searched Dylan accusingly.
Dylan’s shocked look was Oscar-worthy. I would’ve applauded if I had hands. “That’s terrible. What do you think was the cause?”
“We’re not sure. There wasn’t any blood, any scratches, marks, or injuries to convince us that he had been killed with the use of a weapon.”
“So, what can I do for you, sir?” Dylan was getting impatient, although he spoke with perfect manners.
“We want to know what you can tell us about this woman. This Bella woman. She’s a person of interest and it’s very important that we find her.”
“I know nothing about her. I was simply her escort to the club.”
“Her escort?”
“Her escort. The poor dear. She was too nervous to walk along the streets alone. She asked me to walk with her.” The lie was effortless.
“Hmmm,” The cop seemed unsure. “She was seen frequenting this address.”
“I can assure you, if a beautiful woman lived here, I wouldn’t try to hide it, officer.” Dylan said with a disarmingly charming smile.
The cop stared at Dylan for a long moment and then asked if he could take a look around. Dylan nodded, casting a weary look toward me. I wasn’t worried about the cop searching the rooms; aside from the discussing mattress in the closet, there was nothing that belonged to me. The only clothing I wore was whatever Dylan provided for me, which he provided with magic on a day to day basis. The cop checked Dylan’s room. I watched him, my nerves on edge.
The cop was searching the kitchen when Dylan offered him a beer. He declined but somewhat stiffly accepted a glass of water. He smiled at me as he sat on the couch, stroking my back. I felt vibrations ripple through my body as I involuntarily purred. A few days spilled into me as the officer’s hand touched me.
“Good kitty,” he smiled. “Your cat is adorable.”
“Yeah, she is.” Dylan said coldly.
He stared at me for a moment. I shuddered, sure he knew my secret. It was a long, tense moment before he decided to leave. “Well, I guess that’s that.” He turned around to go and I saw that Dylan was relieved. His guard was still up, though. I knew he wouldn’t feel completely relieved until tomorrow, when he could put the whole night behind him. The cop crossed the room suddenly, scooping up my dress.
“What’s this?” He examined the sparkly red dress, holding it carefully as if it was made of glass. He raised an eyebrow, staring at Dylan. Waiting for an explanation.
“I can explain-“ Dylan said.
The cop interrupted him. “Thank you for your time, sir.” With that, the cop shook Dylan’s hand and left, taking the dress with him.
*******
Water.Beautiful, clear, delicious waves lapped at my ankles. I was standing at the top of a waterfall, gazing down at the cascade rushing by. I should have fallen, I should have been swept away by the pulsing, charging current, but I wasn’t. A giggle burst from my lips. Happiness swept me away. There was no way to describe how I felt. Everything around me was so green and full of life and a sense of adventure hung in the air. Soft white sand squished underneath my feet and I scooped up a handful. It almost sparkled in the sunshine.
Sunshine.
So bright and pure. Throwing my head back, my arms raised towards the sky. Warmth radiated from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. I let the sand slide between my fingers and then threw another handful in the air. Giddiness rushed through me and I spun around in a silly little circle. I hadn’t felt this happy in all my years. A sudden realization hit me. Where was Dylan?
“Master?” I called softly. “Mast-“I tried calling again, louder this time. My voice was cut off as I was swallowed by the waves. The water no longer seemed welcoming and beautiful, but rather, scary and vicious. The current pulled me down and I struggled for breath. Something I couldn’t see was wrapped around my ankle, dragging me deeper into the water. Bubbles streamed out of my mouth as the last of my air escaped from my lips.
And then, it was still. All around me was darkness; the coldness bit at my skin, slicing through my bones. My legs kicked automatically, attempting to push my writhing body up to the surface. As I peered through the murky water, forcing my head upward as I propelled myself on, I concentrated on finding something, anything to tell me I was going to be okay. Faintly, I could see the moon shining down on the water. My legs kicked hard, calves burning with the effort. I stretched out a hand towards the surface, only to find glass. Thick, rigid glass. The last of my air escaped my lips as I pounded against the slick surface. My eyes closed.
Bella…The darkness had changed. It was no longer cold and threatening, but somehow softer.
Bella…
I wasn’t dead? How was this possible? My eyes jerked open.
A hand held mine and I glanced around. I was sitting on a balcony somewhere, a night sky filled with stars above me.
“We’re going to get out of here, Bella,” The guy holding my hand said. I was too stunned to say anything. The voice sounded familiar, but I couldn’t place it. I couldn’t see his face; I could only feel the warmth of his hand against mine. “We’re gonna escape. It’ll just be the two of us, traveling the world. We won’t be prisoners any longer.”
“Who-“
My eyes snapped open as I awoke.
What? As my eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness, I realized that I had simply had a nightmare. The stiff mattress I called a bed now felt welcoming.
It took a while to drift back off to sleep, but I eventually did. When I awoke the next morning from a dreamless sleep, I was thankful.
The next morning was moving day. This involved packing Dylan’s suitcase and stowing away my grubby mattress. We always traveled light and never took more than we could carry. I scrubbed down the entire place, determined not to leave a single fingerprint. The goal was to make it as if we were never here.
Dylan didn’t talk to me much, except to give orders. My mind was racing like crazy and I wondered if he was feeling groggy or if he was still mad at me from yesterday. A dark bruise had formed on my cheek, just below my eye. Purple marks covered my neck from where his hands were and my other cheek was still red from being slapped. Having two days’ worth of injuries on my body didn’t feel so good.
The tension was too much to handle; guilt filled me as I went about my chores.
I served him a quiet breakfast of bacon, scrambled eggs and toast. Even though I couldn’t stop thinking about the previous night, it seemed wiser to not bring it up. When he was finished, I washed the dishes and put them away.
“Where are we going today?” I asked as I folded one of his shirts.
“We’re going east.” He looked up from his book long enough to give me a glare.
“Oh.” I said.
It didn’t take long for us to pack up. I didn’t have anything of my own besides the mattress, so I packed up Dylan’s clothes, books and other belongings. It was early in the morning yet still slightly dark. The sky carried the slightest shade of pink, mixed with streaks of orange and golden rays of yellow.
When I did housework, my mind had a tendency to wander. For some reason, I couldn’t stop thinking about my childhood and the days before I had met Dylan. He had told me that the mental hospital I had lived in was very bland, very boring and grey. Grey ceilings, grey tiles, grey walls, grey everything. He had told me that the doctors were going to do terrible things to me and although he had never told me exactly what, I was terrified. I never wanted to go back there. I didn’t remember much from it and most of what I did remember was foggy. The day I met Dylan, though, was crystal clear.
“You’re going to help me?” I asked the doctor. “How?”
“Tell me something, Bella,” He said gently, ignoring my question. “Do you want to be locked up in the mental hospital your whole life? You don’t like it here, do you?”
“No.” I couldn’t help but blush. He was being so nice to me.
“You’re not supposed to be here. But you didn’t have a choice. I can help you. I can take you away from here and we can run off together. We can have a life together, just you and me. We can travel the world and have adventures.”
My common sense was poking me in the shoulder, reminding me that I didn’t know this man. I didn’t even know his name. Yet, running off with him sounded like the most wonderful thing in the world. Visions of a normal life; a husband, some children and maybe a dog or two ran through my head. Maybe I could even go to college.
“Where will we go?” I asked, still feeling weak from the drugs. So tempting…
“Anywhere you’d like to go. We’ll travel the whole world.”
“That sounds nice,” I whispered, my voice still hoarse. Although the blanket was wrapped around my shoulders, I was still uncomfortable. Wearing only a hospital gown was awful. I wished I was wearing sweatpants and sweatshirt. My feet were freezing; they sat bare on the pedals. I stared down at them. “But I don’t know you.”
“Yet you feel comfortable with me, don’t you, Bella?” His voice warmed me down to my bones.
“Yes,” I looked up at him and he smiled at me. “You won’t hurt me.”
“No,” He whispered. “I won’t.” He lifted me out of the wheelchair, cradling me against his chest. I didn’t fight him. I felt safer than I had ever felt in my entire life. “You’re safe with me.”
“How will we escape?” I asked.
“Magic.” A wicked glint shone in his eyes. And before I could even blink, the man standing before me was gone. A black raven stood in his place. I stared at the raven as my mind tried to wrap around what had just happened.
“How did you-“
“Come with me, Bella.” As I stared into his deep brown eyes, I saw something. A sense of adventure.
“Yes,” I whispered. “I’ll come with you.” A chill rushed through me as I felt my bones turn to jelly. The world around me was spinning as the doctor raised his hand and twirled his fingers. A haze of sparkles swarmed around me as my entire world shifted. My body was molding itself into something else entirely. As I glanced around at my new feather-covered body, I wondered if it was possible that I was completely crazy.
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Hello hello!
manisha here again for chapter two.
I'll review as I read.
"Every night, Dylan used a spell and turned me into a fish so I couldn’t escape from him. I slept in a small round fishbowl."
haha! I found this funny! Bella is this scary, drawing life out of people kinda person so she creates a intimidating character. And you learn she turns into a fish every night! Lol!
“So? Many beautiful women wear red dresses.” It took all my strength not to do a backflip with glee. He had called me beautiful.
This creates a sad image. Dylan is abusive towards Bella and has never really appreciated her before. While Bella seems to have a soft corner for Dylan inspite of that.
I didn’t fight him. I felt safer than I had ever felt in my entire life. “You’re safe with me.”
I'm curious to know what exactly did Dylan mean by this? Was he all along planning to make her his slave and turn her into whatever she is? Why choose Bella then? Why was Bella in the mental hospital? Questions and questions! I'm sure they will be answered as the story develops!
Overall, another great chapter I loved!
Alright, I'm off to chapter three!
love,
manisha.
Mmmmmmmm. So good. As per usual. If this is a novel, I am buying it. Favorite part: Dylan's sudden change in emotion when the police knock on the door, and how she becomes a goldfish. (A little funny
) The last part made me very curious. I am pretty sure it is Dylan, but he abuses her so it seems strange that he would promise her safety. Anyways. Loved it.
Keep writing and being awesome!
~GC
Hi there!
Yet another great chapter. All I really have to say about this is wow. Seriously, I couldn't find anything wrong with this. Your writing style is great and the flow of the story never faltered.
You've really grabbed my interest with this story. I think the relationship between Bella and Dylan is very interesting as well as is the story. But what really intrigues me about Bella and Dylan is that they both seem to be able to tolerate each other. I know that if I was ever someone's slave, I would be quite resentful towards my master and maybe lash out at them if I was feeling especially frustrated. Yet here Bella is, going about her normal life, and just living and dealing with Dylan. And the last bit here in the italics really gets me wondering how their relationship is really. He seems so nice there, but has such a negative connotation when he's asking Bella to suck these lives for him.
I really like where your story is going. Can't wait to read the next chapter!
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Hey there girl, as requested, here's your review!
For starters, this story is amazing! Seriously!
Now I think your protagonist is amazing! She is such a complex character. I love complex characters.
Honestly, I thought the magic part was a bit silly at first, but then I realised that it's important and, well it's okay.
I really liked the backstory you gave to the characters. Very well done in that aspect.
I loved it, like thought I would, I would just recommend trying to stay away from the fantasy genre cliches. But other than that, very good job.
Signing off,
THIS IS SO COOL!! :'D
That's so cool, this may sound weird but I want to know what goes on in your head! Haha, this is an awesome Idea for a story and everything, the last chapters were just as amazing, but this would have to be my favourite by far! They seem so much like lovers? Which I don't know if they are or not (minus the fact that he occasionally abuses her..) The ending was soooo cool! 
You are a great writer, I'm very exctied about the fact that he has magic and everything.
The police coming to the door literally freaked me out! But it was okay cause she was all of a sudden a little fishy!
"You won't hurt me."
And then he tells her that he won't and does anyway! Whew, I should shut-up right now but still, I just thought you might want to know how amazing this is so far :') Yeah, have a nice day/night!
-Charley.
Hey, it's Paris here going to give you a review lets start with the good news. This has a really good plot, and the characters all seem lovable and enjoyable to watch. The plot isn't cliche, or overused.
On to the not so good, firstly in your first paragraph alone you used the word "I" fourteen times. It seems you used the same pronoun over again until it gets irksome. "I cringed", "I knew", "I never", "I couldn't". The easiest way to stop over using the word is to stop putting simple sentences, and try to get rid of unnecessary details. Example
"Every night, Dylan used a spell and turned me into a fish so I couldn't escape from him. I slept in a small round fishbowl. "
could become...
"Every night, Dylan used a spell and turned me into a fish putting me in fishbowl, so I couldn't escape from him."
Less words an the unnecessary details are out. Without you saying "small" or "round" I can picture the fishbowl from The Fairy OddParents.
Another thing is your use of adverbs. Adverbs usually end -ly, and writers are supposed to use them sparingly. The most places you would see adverbs are after dialogue, because that seems where it seems to fit best. Here are a few from your work.
"His eyes searched Dylan accusingly."
"I immediately wondered..."
"He could always read me so easily"
"He picked up the sparkly red dress"
There's more, but I think you get the point. I know it's hard not to use adverbs, I, too,struggle not to use them, but they only harm your work more then do justice to them.
Why can't "I immediately wondered..." just be simply, ""I wondered...". How fast she wonders doesn't make us read the piece any faster, or does it help us understand what's going on, so why present useless information to your reader.
I would like to skip to the first scene break.
"Water.
Beautiful, clear, delicious waves lapped at my ankles."
Your imagery was so near perfect. Get rid of the first two adjectives they do your work no good. "Beautiful" is vague. Your beautiful, and my beautiful can be two different things. But "Delicious" is perfect. When is the last time I've read somebody call water delicious as it lapped around their ankles... never. It's original. You use a word in a way that it's never been used before-- to my knowledge-- making the picture even more memorable then something I've read hundreds of times before.
There's only one thing, I feel needs some work and it's your use of dialogue. You used a lot of it. Have you tried condescending it down deleting the unnecessary dialogue. Maybe combining dialogue into one paragraph.
I hope this helps you become a better writer, and I can't wait to read your next piece.
~Paris
OHMYMOTHEREFFINGGOD THIS IS AMAZING! :')

xoxox
You are a great writer, I'm very exctied about the fact that he has magic and everything.
When the police came to his door I was literally holding my breath I was that nervous !
I can not wait for the next chapters to come
Great job by the way (Didn't know if I'd metioned that yet or not) .. Anyway, if you have the chance check out my story called 'Good Ol' Days' which is coming out soon ?
Thanks!
-HiddenUnderAMask
Hello, I'm Kev! I read all the current chapters in one setting because you had captured my attention so well. The concept you have going here is one of a kind and truly spectacular. I love your plot, feel for Bella, and want to know more about Dylan and this back story you have going here.
Bella is interesting to me and has me constantly guessing and wondering what are her thoughts and actions going to be. From the previous chapter, we saw that she was timid and caring, yet could be seductive and slightly sadistic.
At first, I felt resent towards Dylan because he treats Bella like dirt-- however, Bella still feels devoted to him and obviously feels something for him in a way that's hard to describe since I'm not too sure why. I have began to like Dylan in the same way Bella likes him. I've connected with Bella so much I feel what she feels for other characters. You have me, as the reader, hooked and wrapped around your finger. I'm simply gobbling up everything you write so I can find out more about this odd relationship and interesting characters!
There are some grammatical mistakes, but don't you worry because those can always be fixed. (-:
1.) “Oh.” I said.
Here, we have a typo that's occurring periodically throughout your story. You need to put a comma instead of a period. Also, you tend to capitalize pronouns when they need to be lowercase. (i.e. “You drained someone, didn’t you?” He said softly.)
2.) “We’re not sure. There wasn’t any blood, any scratches, marks, or injuries to convince us that he had been killed with the use of a weapon.” One of the cops said.
When the police come over to Bella and Dylan's house, I only got the image that there was one policeman instead of two. You only described one searching the house, not two or more. Perhaps it was a typo or you forgot you had mentioned another cop?
Now I just have a few more things to point out, okay? They're all minor and nothing to fret over.
1.) It could just be me, but I don't think the policeman's dialogue was very professional.
2.) When the policeman found the dress, he just left. I thought Dylan would be arrested/brought in for further interrogation because it was the dress described to be the one Bella wore.
Don't worry about anything that I've pointed out because they're nothing more than my opinions and you can choose whether you want to fix them. You have made me into a fan, and I would love it if you would notify me when you have another chapter up. Keep up the great work!