Young Writers Society

Hey, Ari! Here to review this as promised

Now, this is obviously a really tough subject to talk about, let alone write about and you've done it so well here. Well done for being so brave! I'm so sorry you've had to go through this, and self-harm is absolutely horrible. I sincerely hope that you feel better now and not a need to do this to yourself again. More on the writing, it's written superbly. It was a very emotional piece and after reading the last word leaves me with a funny feeling. I agree in that you've really managed to make a connection with the readers which is good technique to use. Technical-wise, as in grammar and stuff I don't think I saw any errors, so well done! It was a haunting but good read.

Okay, so I'm not sure what to say in terms of suggestions, because obviously this is a personal story that you've had the courage to share so I don't wanna bash that. However I did also think that there was more descriptions on the physical harm, and the physical effects of this, but nothing really on the emotional. Maybe you could talk more about the psychological causes of this, because I'm sure that there is a reason for this. So maybe next time you write something like this, or even if you want to improve on this one then talk about more aspects.

Secondly, I think that you've started using some really beautiful poetic techniques like metaphors, such as the one about the butterflies. A suggestion here could be to make the whole piece more metaphorical and poetic, not exactly to turn it into a poem (although I think it would make a great poem) but to use those sorts of techniques. Judging from your work I've reviewed in the past, I haven't actually seen you write any poetry. But I think you'd actually be really good at it so something to think about.

Overall, this was a haunting but beautiful piece. You've been extremely brave for writing about such a sensitive subject so I commend you for that. Your writing is really great, and I hope to read more of your work, so please let me know when you post anymore up! My suggestions are above so I won't try and repeat myself there, but generally this was an amazing piece. I hope this review helped, feel free to PM me with any questions or anything, or if you'd like another review of something.

Keep writing!
~Arc x

Woww, this essay is perfect. You do a great job making connections with the reader; it's not easy to make the reader "find a part of themselves" in a written piece, but you are very successful in doing so. I found no spelling, grammar or punctuation mistakes. I also loved two things so much: first, I liked the way you used anaphora "I need to see a fucking psychiatrist." It is so catchy and the way you have written it in italics makes it more effective by making it clear that they are your thoughts. I also liked the imagery you used for your eyes: "two stormy seas of never ending blackness, gaping holes filled with guilt, sorrow and sadness." It reveals the way you think about yourself.

Overall, this piece is so good. Keep writing, you will even get better. And I hope you overcome your problems...

Dear God, this is great. Hauntingly spectacular in my opinion. It really gives some insight into your alleged past, and it makes me feel rather disturbed (yet I feel that is probably what you were going for). The fact that you never even gave any insight on why you behaved like this just makes it more ambiguous, and scary. It was really disturbing, but your writing style is just the opposite. It was well-written and made it somewhat suspenseful. Well done! Your flow was great and your transitions from paragraph to paragraph were very well-timed. I urge you to continue writing more pieces like this, even if they have other concepts or backgrounds. Again, I shall tell you, Good work!

Deepest and fondest of emphatic regards,

J.R. Spotwsood

I just hope you get over it, How could you hate yourself when you don't watch your self? When you talk, when you sleep, when you laugh.. You don't watch yourself and that's why you have doubts that you are not pretty but- trust me..
You are beautiful.
You are like a flower, delicate and sophisticated. You mind is made of beautiful things, magnificent. You writings make me feel that you really have a future, You are amazing.
These times I have talked to you, I have come to know you and loved you because of your inner beauty because of your words and your actions.
And, I wont stop believing in you until one day, You believe in yourself.

Hello there,

Evidently you are a writer with the unique capability to make the reader feel something genuine, whilst reading this I was able to relate to the character with ease, and this was partly due to your descriptions of the anguish that the main character felt; something that I’m sure, to some extent, we have all experienced.

I was impressed how at the beginning you slyly misled the reader, prompting us to believe that the main character is being assaulted, when in fact, it is self-inflicted harm brought on by the characters own self-conflict; interesting, surprising and powerful stuff.

At times, I would argue, that you delve a little too far into the physical pain the character is feeling. Although you do eventually touch upon the characters inner psychological state, I believe that the initial emphasis on the physical last slightly longer than perhaps necessary. However, this doesn’t’ disrupt the story, and that last point is merely a personal preference of mine, as I like an insight into the characters mind. The reasons why the character is acting in this way? These are the questions that I want deeper and more thorough answers too.

And for this reason, I believe you should carry this piece on, if you do please let me know, because I am interested to learn why the character is in such a dark place.

“I look into my own eyes, two stormy seas of never ending blackness, gaping holes filled with guilt, sorrow and sadness.”

Really love this bit, I really do.

Also,

“I’m a monster,”

Simple and straightforward yet so very effective.

In summary I really enjoyed this piece. A well-written and engaging story with some inspiring descriptions.

Well done on a great piece.

Wow. This is intense. I have no words, or corrections to it. Grammer/ spelling is perfect. Your writing is simply incredible. I especially like the part about the eyes; that's beautiful.
<3Amelia