z

Young Writers Society


12+

The Fourth Wall~ Chapter II

by crossroads


(some of you might remember this from my work titled Reminiscence - indeed I have mixed some of my old characters with new ones, and connected their stories..)

~Jareth

*

He stood in the forest, all alone and just enjoying the moment. No one was close, no one disturbing the silence and peace of the nature around him. He could see every tree: each transparent and white as snow, with thin veins of dark purple running through its core, visible just now and then. The leaves were also purple, but as they fell down to the ground they switched through tens of colours, turning instantly into ashes as they touched the land.

Butterflies tiny as grains of dust raised from the ashes. Their wings and bodies grew as they flow back up into the trees,changing slowly to birds as he watched them. The birds sat on the branches and sang, so quietly they not for a moment disturbed the symphony of the blowing wind.

He closed his eyes, letting himself fly away with the notes. He inhaled a deep breath, smelling both sweet flowers and bitter fruit, in shape of a tear and hanging from a branch too high for him to reach. Feeling that overwhelmed him is both light and heavy, both happy and sad, both dark and illuminating.

"Lord Alistair, um.. sir?"

He opened his eyes, observing for a moment as the forest around him lost the magic and again appeared to be no more than just a forest. Then he answered, without looking at the man standing behind him.

"If my father wants something from me, tell him I'm busy."

"It's time for your medicine, my lord", replied the other man - much older, dressed in a gray suit and with hair in colour of dust tied neatly in a small ponytail. He was used to his master's reaction - Jareth knew, because he remembered the butler being in the family since forever. "You know you have to take it."

I know the way I see the world without it is worth every minute lost, he thought to himself, yet accepted the glass from the butler's gloved hand. It was almost ridiculous, to act like that - as if s family was stuck in a century which passed, holding to the titles and customs the rest of the world had already. Jareth sighed slightly, looking down at the glass in his hand. Mixed with lemon juice, as always, he knew that the drug had a taste he disliked.

He slowly brought it to his mouth and than dropped it on the ground, too unexpectedly for the butler to make a move. The glass crashed, juice spilling around his feet. The young lord sighed, though something flashed in his eyes, making them seem lighter blue than they were for a moment - he knew what was going to happen, and he knew it would be too much fun to miss.

"It must be the illness that made me clumsy", he said, carefully observing his butler's face, trying not to smirk as it turned almost as pale as his own.

"I didn't know", the butler whispered, and Jareth shook his head as if in disapproval.

"Now, I'm sure mother must have told you", he replied, turning his back to him and hiding a small, somewhat evil smile. "I do for sure know she'll be mad as she finds out you weren't listening." He played with his hair, black as night and longer than he liked it being, as he continued in the same manner. "Nothing will happen if I don't take it once, and it will spare you the trouble with your lady. I do believe you do not want to make my mother angry or worried, yes?"

"Most certainly, my lord", said the butler, so loyally and honestly that Jareth almost felt sorry for him. He knew what it was like in the past, when some simply had no choice but pursue the best possible careers - but why would someone, in the world of today, decide to serve an eccentric family of history lovers, was above what Jareth could understand.

The butler coughed silently, attracting his attention once more. "But.. are you sure?"

He turned back, stretching his lips into a smile.

"More than sure. As I'm concerned, the thing is solved."

He watched as the butler took his leave, mostly lost in his thoughts. Even after all the years of the same treatment, he found it wrong. Even after everything the doctors said, even after his parents took him to the modern hospitals, out of their little safe haven they created in their palace, Jareth didn't want to accept what they said. What they all called hallucinations, and were trying to destroy by medicine and various therapies he found pointless, he believed to be glimpses into the world far better than the one he was living in. A world filled with magic and adventures, as well as emotions he knew of only from books, so beautiful and enchanting that mere mortals were forbidden to enter it. Jareth remembered that world, somewhere deep inside though he could never quite place the memory - it was a feeling a grown man would have, as he hears a song his mother once sang to him over his crib.

*

His skin was cold as ice, and his hair sticked out around his head like a bush, as he finally returned to the mansion. Outside, it was still colder than he thought, and he already knew his parents won't be happy about him wandering around. He stood, leaning against a wall before he'd enter the dining room, waiting for a moment for headache to pass - and then instead walked over to the bathroom, his steps echoing in the empty hallway. He had to warm himself up - or at least look warmed up enough - otherwise, he was fairly sure, he'd end up locked in his room regardless of how old he already was.

Water was hot, tiny drops seemed to be burning his skin, but he stayed in the bath for almost half an hour, leaning his forehead against the cold wall, clenching his fists, calming his breathing. He knew his family and their butler were right; he wasn't well, not even close to it, and he was getting worse. But to take those meds..

"I will not do that," he muttered to himself. "I will not forget."

With a sigh, he got out and stood before the mirror, glaring at himself. Well, I look dead already. The bath didn't really help - he was still pale, still looking ill, still with dark circles around his eyes. He shook his head, and then changed to his usually black clothes and rushed down the stairs to the dining room, his hair still wet.

His mother looked up as he came in - his father and brother didn't even give him a glance, and Claudia smiled a bit. He stayed serious, sitting in his seat, left to his father, with mother sitting and watching him from the other side. All of the Alistair's shared wavy, black hair and dark eyes, his mother and brother green and his father and himself blue, and Claudia's straight red strands and big light eyes made her stick out so much, though it's been years since she'd joined the family. Jareth licked his lips, looking at her as she picked on her food. He missed her brother, almost as much as he missed his sister, but he knew he couldn't talk about it - as far as everyone was concerned, Jareth never had a sister, and Claudia's brother left to pursue some dreams of his.

He looked away from the girl, frowning a bit at his mother's expression. He was sure she already heard of what had happened in the garden, regardless of the deal he made with the butler, and he was fairly sure she didn't care to keep it a secret.

"I dreamt of her again", he said, breaking the silence before she got the chance to do the same. His mother sighed, and he continued. "Of my sister."

"You don't have a sister", his brother said, turning silent as Jareth shot him a warning glance. Their mother pushed her plate from her.

"Have you taken your meds?"

"Of course", he cut.

Of course not. He hasn't taken the meds ever since the first dream. It was the only thing still connecting him with his sister - and he promised that he'd never let go of it, both to himself and to the memory of her.

He looked down at his hands, lying on the table next to the untouched dinner: his pale skin, thin as paper, always cold and with visible blue veins under it. I wonder if she's ill too. I hope she isn't, wherever she was. He suddenly got up.

"Excuse me," he muttered, "I…"

"Sit!" His father's voice was a hiss. "You are the heir of the house Alistair, for once act like one."

"Heir to the house," he repeated, smirking. "You are living in the past."

"You will not talk to your father like that." Jareth's mother's voice was colder than usual, but he could tell she was also worried. Worried about you, he told himself. Stop behaving like that, they will never trust you anyway.

"I'm sorry," he said, smiling a bit to both. "You're right, I don't feel particularly well. I would like to get some rest."

He waited for his father to nod before he left the room, followed by both younger siblings as the mother told them to leave the parents alone.

They're stupid to bother trying to keep me safe, he couldn't help thinking as he left his brother and Claudia and headed to his room. I'll probably be dead before any of them anyway.

***


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
19 Reviews


Points: 275
Reviews: 19

Donate
Sat Jul 20, 2013 7:04 pm
champ321 wrote a review...



I'm not gonna really touch on too much grammar. I could understand what you wanted to get across. I really like the way he was in the forest and the whole leaves falling then changing colors then bursting to ashes then morphing into butter flies then into singing birds. I thought that was very visual and very creative.

I felt this particular piece was bit slow, but I tend to write slow - so I don't know. I was a bit confused about why he spilled his medicine and why his butler just let him get away with not having to take it. Then I was a little confused with the mom - like could she read the son's mind and communicate with him telepathically?

I thought the dinner scene could have been a bit more dynamic. For such a grown young man, he seems a bit childish to me.

Overall - I'm going to keep reading to see where this story goes. . .




User avatar
304 Reviews


Points: 22897
Reviews: 304

Donate
Sat Jul 20, 2013 6:46 pm
barefootrunner wrote a review...



Hi Aria! I've read your first chapter and I'm now going to dive in and review this one, starting with a quick delve into grammar, followed by character and plot development, and ending with style and overall impression.

Butterflies tiny as grains of dust raised from the ashes. Their wings and bodies grew as they flow back up into the trees,changing slowly to birds as he watched them. The birds sat on the branches and sang, so quietly they not for a moment disturbed the symphony of the blowing wind.

Okay, firstly we're seeing a lot of purple prose here, which would have irritated me, but here, it could be very functional, because it kicks in only when Jareth is seeing things, and adds to the magical elements of the scenes.
Secondly, you have a lot of small (often almost invisible) errors in spelling and grammar.
In the first sentence, "raise" is a transitive verb, meaning to lift (something). The one you should be using is "rise", meaning to go up. "Flow" should be "flew". You have no space between the comma and "changing". Then there are some point so fine that they could even be personal preference, like the use of commas and relative pronouns.
Here is my version:
Butterflies, tiny as grains of dust, rose from the ashes. Their wings and bodies grew as they fluttered into the trees, changing slowly into birds as he watched them. The birds perched on the branches and started to sing, so quietly that they did not for a moment disturb the symphony of the blowing wind.

Some small changes, like "sat", which is a passive, non-moving verb, becoming "perched", which is more likely to denote activity, or commas around the inlay about the size of the butterflies. You can choose whether you like these or not.

"It must be the illness that made me clumsy", he said, carefully observing his butler's face, trying not to smirk as it turned almost as pale as his own.

"I didn't know", the butler whispered, and Jareth shook his head as if in disapproval.

Remember, the commas must be inside the quotations, like so:
"It must be the illness that made me clumsy," he said.

He hasn't taken the meds ever since the first dream.
Keep it in the past tense! You have the dreaded present a couple of times in the story. The only time a verb may be in the present tense in a past tense work, is in quotations or in thought.

All of the Alistair's shared wavy, black hair and dark eyes, his mother and brother green and his father and himself blue, and Claudia's straight red strands and big light eyes made her stick out so much, though it's been years since she'd joined the family.

Don't use a 's at a normal plural, not even SBs or Alistairs or 1980s. (Only at p's and q's, abbreviations with mixed caps and lower case or abbreviations with periods, e.g. M.D.'s, though MDs, and PhD's as well as P.h.D's.)
You made a tense-o! It's been years is present, where it should be past perfect. It's something that happened before the current story, which is in the past, so the past-of-the-past = past perfect.
"It had been years" is the answer.

As for character development, sterling job. I can't complain. Plot development hasn't languished either! This is probably your strongest point: you maintain the perfect balance. And that is a rare gift. You should be proud :)

Style: good. You have a lot of information dumps in there, but they aren't catastrophic, so you can hunt and kill later. Your use of dialogue is minimal and you could have a bit more, but it's not bad either. Your pacing is great. It's a nice, medium slope of a build, not too steep and not too gentle either. Good job!

Overall, a good impression. You need to work on your execution, though the content is great. A touch of editing is all it needs.

Great job!
barefootrunner




crossroads says...


Don't use a 's at a normal plural, not even SBs or Alistairs or 1980s. (Only at p's and q's, abbreviations with mixed caps and lower case or abbreviations with periods, e.g. M.D.'s, though MDs, and PhD's as well as P.h.D's.)


I think I love you xD You're the first person who actually explained this - including my English teacher - and with English being my second language, it kind of bothered me for a long time >.<
As for present/past, it was actually written in present originally so I guess I overlooked some (many) points <.< Thanks for pointing it out, and thanks for the review ^^



User avatar
289 Reviews


Points: 30323
Reviews: 289

Donate
Sat Jul 13, 2013 11:34 pm
Caesar says...



I call hax. I'm sure I reviewed this before.




User avatar
332 Reviews


Points: 10657
Reviews: 332

Donate
Sat Jul 13, 2013 6:39 am
View Likes
Blackwood wrote a review...



Evil Santa is back after just posting a review for the previous chapter of this. Evil Santa is very exhausted from the previous review and feels like not doing that again. AND I AM SO MOTHER OF SANTA ELVEN EXHAUSTED FROM THAT MOTHER OF SANTA REVIEW. And now guess what you plague me with. This chapter.. is EVEN LONGER than the last one. Now this chapter will taken me ELVEN DOUBLE AS LONG. So long that mrs santa will eat all my cookies and get her fat santa backside fatter than it already is I think she has diabetes or something because she is so FAT. Shes even fatter than dancer who got fat when he retired because he always ate those "dancing nutrient" as he claimed but everyone knew it was really chocolate anyway.

He stood in the forest, all alone and just enjoying the moment. No one was close, no one disturbing the silence and peace of the nature around him. He could see every tree: each transparent and white as snow, with thin veins of dark purple running through its core, visible just now and then. The leaves were also purple, but as they fell down to the ground they switched through tens of colours, turning instantly into ashes as they touched the land.

WHAT IN THE NAME OF GREAT MOTHER OF SANTA IS THIS? Its beautiful.. amazing, like strawberries on my tongue to my ears but to my eyes because I am reading it but to my brain because my brain is comprehending it. AND I AM EVEN IN A BAD MOOD YA KNOW? but what you should actually do is actually really not put the word 'was' in there after 'no one' and before 'close' and also get rid of 'the' before 'nature' because you know why if you write "No one close, no one disturbing the silence and peace of nature around him." THEN IT WILL SOUND LIKE A ELFING BAD-ASS MOTHER OF SANTA POETIC HARMONY OF HEAVEN AND YOU WILL BE BAD-ASS OK. But why did you write tens of colours that's so weird i mean who would want tens of colours. Hundreds of colours sure, maybe you should just write many colours or something BUT WHO CARES ANYWAY.

Butterflies tiny as grains of dust raised from the ashes. Their wings and bodies grew as they flow back up into the trees,changing slowly to birds as he watched them. The birds sat on the branches and sang, so quietly they not for a moment disturbed the symphony of the blowing wind.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID WRONG HERE! I AM NOT KIDDING YOU COMMITED THE WORST CRIME EVER ITS SO TERRIBLE I SHOULD MAKE YOU RUN LAPS AROUND THE NORTH POLE IT IS SO MOTHER OF SANTA BAD BECAUSE YOU WROTE THIS ONE THING THAT WAS INCORRECT. And I am not talking small scale incorrect, oh i mean big time, you are real in deep reindeer poop this time because you know what you mother of santa-ing did? YOU ELVEN WROTE FLOW WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE WROTE FLEW I MEAN FLOW ISN'T EVEN RELATED TO FLEW AT ALL. Its not even the past tense I mean you wrote that the birds were liquefied or something and then flowed against gravity into space I mean... what are you on candy-canes or something?
BUT APART FROM THAT... This was even better than the last paragraph I mean just read it, again and again and again, I read it like twice already. Its so descriptive that it makes me feel like I am getting married and eating unicorns all over AGAIN.
OH AND
He closed his eyes, letting himself fly away with the notes. He inhaled a deep breath, smelling both sweet flowers and bitter fruit, in shape of a tear and hanging from a branch too high for him to reach. Feeling that overwhelmed him is both light and heavy, both happy and sad, both dark and illuminating.

LIKE THIS IS ALMOST AS GOOD BUT. Just get rid of "in shape of a tear and hanging from a branch too high for him to reach." Just cut it. I'm not kidding. In fact go to its funeral, cremate it and scatter its ashes over the ocean because its not THAT bad I mean its not even bad but it just doesn't help and the whole paragraph would be better if it didn't exit. So yeah, give it an honourable death, maybe one of those viking ones in the flaming boats or something and play the last post as he gets buried in his unnamed grave forever.

"Lord Alistair, um.. sir?"

He opened his eyes, observing for a moment as the forest around him lost the magic and again appeared to be no more than just a forest. Then he answered, without looking at the man standing behind him.
ok so um yeah um its fine up until the word magic and then that MOTHER OF SANTARING CONFUSING BIT COMES IN. I mean just make it more sexy, for the sake of humanity please.

""If my father wants something from me, tell him I'm busy."

It's time for your medicine, my lord", replied the other man - much older, dressed in a gray suit and with hair in colour of dust tied neatly in a small ponytail. He was used to his master's reaction - Jareth knew, because he remembered the butler being in the family since forever. "You know you have to take it.

YES... YES... I am in love ... THAT BUTLER IS SO SEXY I MEAN YOU DESCRIBED HIM WITH THE PERFECT AMOUNT OF DETAIL BECAUSE ITS NOT TOO MUCH BUT NOT TO LITTLE FOR A MINOR CHARACTER. It turns me on it really does. I mean... hmmmm he reminds me of that sexy guy of that show that was on tv that one time. Anyway I know he ISNT MEANT TO BE SEXY SEXY but i mean like perfectly subtle sexy in a way thats sexy ok. Santa like likes.
OH BUT NOW I AM CONFUSED AS TO WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN JARETH AND ALISTAIR? YEAH FIX THAT. NO EXAMPLES FOR YOU BECAUSE I STILL AM UNSURE.

I know the way I see the world without it is worth every minute lost, he thought to himself, yet accepted the glass from the butler's gloved hand. It was almost ridiculous, to act like that - as if s family was stuck in a century which passed, holding to the titles and customs the rest of the world had already. Jareth sighed slightly, looking down at the glass in his hand. Mixed with lemon juice, as always, he knew that the drug had a taste he disliked.

so yeah this is like.. a mother of santa beauty. It just touches my hear u mean the use of the word 'lemon' just tops it I think it gave me some sore of sexual satisfaction because I AM EVIL SANTA AND I LIKE THAT KINDA STUFF. But yeah when I read it it makes me feel like I am bathing in custard that is filled with chocolate chips and there is a long stray dog watching me BECAUSE ONE LINE IN THIS IS NOT OK ITS MOTHER OF SANTA NOT OK AND THAT'S THE VERY FIRST LINE IN WHICH HAS THE ITALICS AND SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT THOUGHTS AND SEEING THE WORLD AND SOMETHING. Just it doesn't flow on or make sense in context like yeah just be a maintenance worker and fix it because I am not getting paid so I am not going to fix it for you unless you pay me or something so if you decide you want to pay me call my service number on 124988374%%834 and I will come and fix it. I charge minimum rate per hour and yeah, you better not prank call me.

He slowly brought it to his mouth and than dropped it on the ground, too unexpectedly for the butler to make a move. The glass crashed, juice spilling around his feet. The young lord sighed, though something flashed in his eyes, making them seem lighter blue than they were for a moment - he knew what was going to happen, and he knew it would be too much fun to miss.

"It must be the illness that made me clumsy", he said, carefully observing his butler's face, trying not to smirk as it turned almost as pale as his own.

"I didn't know", the butler whispered, and Jareth shook his head as if in disapproval.

I AM ALREADY DISJOINTEDNESS THAT ITS A NEW CHARACTER SO DONT TEASE ME DUDE OR GIRL OR WHATEVER BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL THE SAME TO ME. Don't even say "young lord" at all in this whole chapter. Lain is young lord, you are just confusing the readers. FIGURE OUT A DIFFERENT DESCRIBING WORD I MEAN USE YOUR IMAGINATION ITS LIKE PRIMARY SCHOOL OR MOTHER SANTAS. yeah but that butler is still keeping himself hawt.

"Now, I'm sure mother must have told you", he replied, turning his back to him and hiding a small, somewhat evil smile. "I do for sure know she'll be mad as she finds out you weren't listening." He played with his hair, black as night and longer than he liked it being, as he continued in the same manner. "Nothing will happen if I don't take it once, and it will spare you the trouble with your lady. I do believe you do not want to make my mother angry or worried, yes?"

For this next act I will quote Genna from 'bad story'
Rubyella pushed her long waist length dark soft and silky black hair that felt like velvet.

You know what I mean. Nuff said.

"Most certainly, my lord", said the butler, so loyally and honestly that Jareth almost felt sorry for him. He knew what it was like in the past, when some simply had no choice but pursue the best possible careers - but why would someone, in the world of today, decide to serve an eccentric family of history lovers, was above what Jareth could understand.

yeah so.... I hate to say it.... but.... this... is simply.. BREATHTAKING YOU MOTHER OF SANTA GENIUS I MEAN YES. INFACT IT IS SO MUCH I AM GOING TO WRITE A SONG ABOUT IT.
"LALALALA THE BUTLER LALALALA LIKE BEST POSSIBLE CAREERS"
THE END.
the use if the word said after the speech is absolutely perfect. I mean if you had used any other describing word it would have ruined it and it would have not had as big of effect than the simply plain said that is perfect and I am not being sarcastic even If you change it i wear I will GET MRS SANTA TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND SQUASH YO FACE. and kill you.

The butler coughed silently, attracting his attention once more. "But.. are you sure?"

He turned back, stretching his lips into a smile.

"More than sure. As I'm concerned, the thing is solved."

He watched as the butler took his leave, mostly lost in his thoughts. Even after all the years of the same treatment, he found it wrong. Even after everything the doctors said, even after his parents took him to the modern hospitals, out of their little safe haven they created in their palace, Jareth didn't want to accept what they said. What they all called hallucinations, and were trying to destroy by medicine and various therapies he found pointless, he believed to be glimpses into the world far better than the one he was living in. A world filled with magic and adventures, as well as emotions he knew of only from books, so beautiful and enchanting that mere mortals were forbidden to enter it. Jareth remembered that world, somewhere deep inside though he could never quite place the memory - it was a feeling a grown man would have, as he hears a song his mother once sang to him over his crib.

*
Ok so i'm getting bored of writing reviews and I am going to take a pizza break soon but im not really hungry its juts I HAVE TO SLAVE AWAY MAKING PIZZAS FOR MY COUSINS AND YOUNGER BROTHERS AND FEED THEM LIKE THEY ARE SOME SORT OF PARASITE I MAN ITS NOT FAIR ON ME IS IT? THEY'RE ALREADY LIKE 13 AND 15 AND SOMETHING SO WHY CANT THEY DO IT THEMSELVES they get babied enough as it is. Oh yeah and that paragraph was good and stuff.

So yeah I am back after a 2 hours break. Santa lets get on with this.

His skin was cold as ice, and his hair sticked out around his head like a bush, as he finally returned to the mansion. Outside, it was still colder than he thought, and he already knew his parents won't be happy about him wandering around. He stood, leaning against a wall before he'd enter the dining room, waiting for a moment for headache to pass - and then instead walked over to the bathroom, his steps echoing in the empty hallway. He had to warm himself up - or at least look warmed up enough - otherwise, he was fairly sure, he'd end up locked in his room regardless of how old he already was.

WHO IS HE? THIS IS A NEW SECTION. SANTA NO KNOW WHO IS HE? But his hair sounds sexy.
Oh headache. Santa knows how he feels. Santa gets headaches that are out to murder him.
Ok that's alright.

Water was hot, tiny drops seemed to be burning his skin, but he stayed in the bath for almost half an hour, leaning his forehead against the cold wall, clenching his fists, calming his breathing. He knew his family and their butler were right; he wasn't well, not even close to it, and he was getting worse. But to take those meds..

"I will not do that," he muttered to himself. "I will not forget."

Only half an hour? Come on. Here in the north pole a bath lasts at least 12 hours of the day. I MEAN WHAT IS THIS GUY SOME SORT OF WIMP WHOS AFRAID OF GETTING HIS TOES WRINKLY AND HE CANT EVEN HANDLE A 12 HOUR BATH? BY MOTHER OF SANTA....you make me crave a bath... mmm that warm water, the description is delicious... what was that.. bath of custard again? Oh do not tempt me with that hot bubbling custard. Santa really likes the hot tiny drops part. it is nice and descriptive.

With a sigh, he got out and stood before the mirror, glaring at himself. Well, I look dead already. The bath didn't really help - he was still pale, still looking ill, still with dark circles around his eyes. He shook his head, and then changed to his usually black clothes and rushed down the stairs to the dining room, his hair still wet.

His mother looked up as he came in - his father and brother didn't even give him a glance, and Claudia smiled a bit. He stayed serious, sitting in his seat, left to his father, with mother sitting and watching him from the other side. All of the Alistair's shared wavy, black hair and dark eyes, his mother and brother green and his father and himself blue, and Claudia's straight red strands and big light eyes made her stick out so much, though it's been years since she'd joined the family. Jareth licked his lips, looking at her as she picked on her food. He missed her brother, almost as much as he missed his sister, but he knew he couldn't talk about it - as far as everyone was concerned, Jareth never had a sister, and Claudia's brother left to pursue some dreams of his.

HULK SANTA LIKE THE FIRST BIT. Yes, it is very pleasing between "with a sigh" and up to "still wet" what beautiful craftsmanship you have developed. I enjoyed the pleasant pride it evoked in Santa. yes santa likes.
AS FOR THE NEXT BIT.. OH CLAUDIA... I AM JUST GOING STRAIGHT TO THE POINT. I am going to quote another quote from genna, you will know what I mean.
I curled up my long waist length silky and shiny long black locks behind my ear and looked at jake.

Yes, please cut back that description.

As you may have noticed santa am getting more and more lazy. if this was handwritten then satans writing will be getting sloppy. Did you see what I didnt there, I am not really santa, santa is just an anagram for satan mawhwahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Everything else.

for your own decompression I am going to refrain from continuing to review. As you can see I have completely lost my mind to the point where I am insane. Most sincere apologies brontosaur to you because I would really have liked to continue this beautiful, enrapturing and surmountable review but as you can see I just said all of this. Yes. Yes.... I blame you... YOU. YOU TURNED ME INTO THIS EROGENOUS MONSTER AND A HEAP OF NONFLAMMABLE PILE OF GHOST.


Thank you for listening.





Life is a banana peel and I am the fool who dared to tread on it.
— looseleaf