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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
This poem was deep and i really like this work. My favorite line was "The witch will die,
but her soul will last.
She will be free!
She will feel free, at last!" and the message was clear and defined. If this was turned into a song i would definitely listen to this. I hope to see more work like this and just one more time to say i love this poem.
I really liked this poem. It made me fell like the witch would rather die than be judged for what she is instead of who she really was. its kind of sad because no one should have to feel that way. I hope this is close to what you were going for. I think that you should keep writing because you are very creative.
I really liked this poem but I do not know why you call it short, its the perfect size! The repetition is great and the sad and funny sort of genre makes it nice to read. However, here is a stanza I think you can improve:
When they set me on fire,
for some child I did not devour.
I'll be free!
Your starting is also very nice. Your rhyming words and arrangement are great as well. I look forward to reading more of your work. Keep trying and good luck!
I do like this, but at the beginning it seems like she is a bit suicidal. I see witches as strong/powerful and independent which seems contradictory to whats happening to her. She states her will so valiantly yet desires to die. Despite this the whole poem works well, nice and clean.
One line which doesn't make complete sense is
I would take another look at that if I was you, it technically makes no sense.
I really like the rhyming in the first few stanzas, but not at the end. In the final stanza you rhyme last with last which is no in poems. I think you should end with last to repeat the word at the beginning but find another word for this line "but her soul will last." instead of last. Tkae a look at a rhyming dictionary.
Schadenfreude
Good job.
Hi there Jozue! Nite here to offer some feedback this fine Review Day!
I enjoy the overall feel of this, how the witch is excited about dying. It's an interesting perspective and a topic most people don't think to write about.
However, I find that rhyming brings a lot of poems down, and this is one of them. I can't even tell if you think this rhymes or if that was your intention. Ideally, a rhyme scheme should be so natural that the reader doesn't even notice it right away. Otherwise, it looks forced and really detracts from the piece. In the future, choose the best words to convey your meaning without concern for the rhyme. This will create a stronger poem.
Also, let's talk about punctuation. It is not necessary to have a punctuation mark at the end of every line. If you're having trouble figuring out the punctuation, a good rule of thumb is to write out the piece like prose and punctuate as you normally would. Then put it back into lines. For example, the punctuation of the second stanza would be
Also, I think a little more development would be interesting. Is she really a witch or is she actually normal and just pressured by the accusers?
Overall, some good ideas but the rhyme scheme and punctuation are awkward. Keep writing!
Hello, Jozue, I'm here to review your poem!
The rhythm flows easily. The repetitive style that you chose for this poem is a huge boost that improved this poem.
Also, I realize that this is a narrative poem, and I think this poem is definitely much better than what I can do when I write a narrative.
Now to treat the stanzas with my harsh words (and praise!).
This is a quick jump that already goes into the main message of the story. It's fine, but a slower approach could help the reader understand what you're trying to say.
Your rhythm was very good too. All I can say is that I would give it a nine out of ten for this first stanza.
Another good stanza, but I don't understand, how did this witch's skin "turn to dust"? Otherwise, your sense of poetry is better than mine (is this the 3rd praise? Perhaps not)
I personally think this is the second-best stanza.
Now that that's done, I don't think "devour" is the right word for it, but it does express eating children in a more... maybe grotesque and powerful way.
I must talk about the first line before moving on. "Town's folk leave" doesn't make much sense. Where do they leave off to? Their homes? Would that be leaving?
The whole town? Maybe just a family.
You need to explain that in a little more detail alright? That settled comfortably in your brain? Yes? Good. (Sorry if I sound demanding)
Secondly, I don't understand the second stanza.
"When the witch, when I leave" kind of breaks the poem's flow that you were progressing so well on.
Maybe, "When the witch leaves" or "when I leave" is better. Although, you may change the poem however way you like.
Hm... first two lines are well-written. Next, let me fix this up a bit.
"The witch will die,
but her soul will last.
I will finally be free, free at last!"
That's my version of it. I still am pretty bothered by how last followed up two lines.
What did I change? I don't think you have to repeat the third line. At least delete the fourth line at the very least.
I loved this poem! At first, you could be somewhat confused, but in the end, you finally understand it.
This deserves a like. Keep writing more poems like these! I would love to read them.
I like the first part of the poem.The first,second and third stanza i liked.The rest were confusing:
First the movement for 'I' to 'she' had me wondering for a bit.This should have been indicated or start with 'I' end with 'I' same for 'she'. I realized you used the 'town's folk' to make it sound older, but in the stanza there's
'when the witch,when i leave.'
This contributed to the confusion. I didn't get that line.All in all I like the poem nice piece!! Keep writing!!
I like this.
The first stanza is perfect, the amount of syllables and word choice go perfectly with each other. This makes a very strong beginning.
The second stanza isn't quite as perfect, though. The rhythm is jarred by the words, "is at it's last." Those three short words cause the reader to slow down and make it difficult to get back into the flow of the poem. Also, you end two lines with 'last' within the first two stanzas.
The third stanza I really like, especially with your use of the word 'devour.' Although, the second line does seem like another mouthful.
You lose me a little with the fourth stanza, I'm really not sure what you're trying to say ere. Plus, you end both with 'leave' which seems a little repetitive and could be done a little better.
I like how the last stanza is a completely different structure from the rest of the poem, but again you rhyme 'last' with 'last.'
Overall though, I like the story you tell here and the way you present it. Please keep writing! <3