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They Called Me A Liar

by rbt00


The words I said,
Never did they believe.
They called me a liar,
and left me all alone.

They said I could not be trusted,
And for no reason blamed me.
Insulted me in-front of everyone,
Said all they had to.

They said I was double faced,
And advised people to stay away from me.
They called me fake,
And that I never kept words.

Not knowing how I felt,
For inside I burned like fire.
I denied their fact
And they said this was the biggest lie.

For inside I know,
Down to earth I am.
Honesty I loved,
But people considered it as a lie.

And the ones who said that
Were the people whom i cared for.
They said all they had to
And said never did I care for them.

Why was this happening?
I couldn't understand.
For the world was changing
And the honest was considered a liar.

After all I did for them
This was the result,
They said I used them.
Not knowing they used me.

For sensitive I am.
Feelings I do have
For short tempered I am
Anger I do have.

I couldn't just start arguing
So I kept my mouth shut.
That was the best I could do.
Cause i know i was right.

They called me uncool,
But when did I ever say I was cool?
They made up stories by themselves
And when I said I did not, They called me a liar.

Mistakes do happen.
There's always a second chance.
but they called me a liar
And that's why I left them.

So let go of those people.
Who always put you down.
Move forward,
Do what your heart says.

All you go to do,
Turn around and say watch me
Haters will say what they want to
But never will it stop you from chasing your dreams.


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Tue Sep 10, 2013 2:44 am
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KnightTeen wrote a review...



This was very good, one of your best, I believe. I could almost see the emotion in the words, and I mean that literally, not figuratively. The way you wrote this was absolutely beautiful, with good even stanzas, and a very good rhythm. You took a topic that applies to everyone and made it personal, and yet everyone can relate. (And if you say that you can't, well, you're the very thing that this poem says you're not. Can't figure out what I'm saying, here's a hint.. LIAR!)

The punctuation and grammar is very good, well, the grammar needs a little work.

I already explained the (I) thing to you in the last review, but let me just say that it drives me insane. I really don't care what happens in a work, but my mother and various other people have pounded the fact that stand alone (I's) must always be capitalized. And frankly, it just drives me insane. Sorry, didn't mean to rant. Well, I did, just not at you.

I just really hate it when the (I) is not capitalized. But I think you got that so I'm just going to shut up about it now.

Other than the (I) thing......Not going there again, not going there again.......This was really good.

Peace,
HT




rbt00 says...


Thanks. Yes I know we have to capitalize the 'I' but while typing I mostly forget to do that, :)



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Sun Jun 30, 2013 3:21 am
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Blackwood wrote a review...



Hey, this may be a short review because my internet is being a pain.
Firstly capitalize all your 'i's , it looks bad in lowercase. I found the stanza in the middle
"I know what I am.
I know I ain't Fake
I know I ain't a liar.
I know I ain't double faced."
a bit abrupt. It wasn't even in the exact middle. I think this makes the poem less strong.
you have a few typos near the end and random capitals.
This was very emotive and i could feel your own passion coming through. It feels like you are angry or frustrated through the words.

Good job.




rbt00 says...


Ok Thankx :D



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Sun Jun 30, 2013 3:09 am
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niteowl wrote a review...



Hi rbt00! Niteowl here to rescue this from the Green Room for Team Dreamwave! :)

Now, overall, I think this poem has a good message about standing up to rumors and lies and moving forward from that.

However, it struggles with its extreme vagueness. Who are "they"? What was the supposed lie? I feel like the poem is too focused on the emotions of the speaker, when as a reader I'd love to hear the words flying, see the accusers mocking the speaker, and feel the speaker's predicament for myself.

Some minor points:

For sensitive I am.
Feelings I do have
For short tempered I am
Anger I do have.


First off, not understanding the sudden Yoda speak here. It's fine to play with structure and such in poems but I didn't see the point. Plus, this is just listing emotion. Showing the speaker welling up with tears or screaming in fury would convey this much better than just saying it.

About capitalization: Poets can play by different rules, but there doesn't seem to be a reason for it. Sometimes you capitalize I, sometimes you don't. It's best to be consistent. Also, some words are capitalized randomly (e.g. "Knew" in the last line")

Overall, I think a cool story could be pulled out of this, but right now, it's a bit vague. Keep writing! :)




rbt00 says...


Okay Thnkx :D



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Sun Jun 30, 2013 3:01 am
speakerskat wrote a review...



Hey there Kat here to review for ya!

I'm strange I like to pick out the bad stuff first. In the last two stanzas you had a few spelling errors like go should be got and sat should be say . In the last stanza you said know and knew and I felt that was really redundent and didn't need to be said twice so you could probably just git rid of the last line entierly but that's just my personal opinion. One stanza I was really just noit a fan of at all was :
"For sensitive I am.
Feelings I do have
For short tempered I am
Anger I do have."
I don't like to copy and paste stuff in reviews but when you speak like this it just really sounds unatural and detaches from the meaning behind this very well writen poem. I would suggest rewriting that part...

NOW THE GOOD STUFF! I really really really loved the whole message you were sending here it was not justv a bunch of kids bullying a decent honest person but it really reveled the unjust way society sometimes works in the fact that such dishonest people can over power the honest and that's really sad. It was very nice and thought out and your formatting and diction were very good as well. You very vividly expressed your point in a potent way with lots of strong emotions ;)

Keep up the good work
~Speakerskat




rbt00 says...


Thankx :D



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Sun Jun 30, 2013 2:55 am
Hannah wrote a review...



Hey!

Okay, I don't know if this was your intention with the poem, but what I really loved was the idea I got that this outflowing of "I am not a liar" was one more time, a lie.
Here's why. Often, when someone lies, they try to explain the "truth" more than once because they're subconsciously trying to refine it to be acceptable. Also, when someone lies, they sometimes say their "truth" more vigorously than they would a real truth because they want it to seem like they are convicted in what they say as honestly. Lastly, when people lie, they often have to end up saying that everyone ELSE is wrong and you just have to believe THEM, and all these are present in this poem.

If you really wanted the narrator to be honest, I would suggest giving specific examples of the lie so we, the reader, can judge the situation for ourselves and then maybe learn to trust the speaker after seeing hard evidence.

In any case, this poem needs to be cut down. I know I said an unreliable narrator would try to state his truth over and over and thus show it was a lie, but you say the same general idea over and over in this poem and it gets tiring for the reader. So here's an exercise you could do to cut it down:

State the basic idea of what this speaker wants to say in ONE sentence. This is the heart of your poem.
Add two details that explain this sentence -- only the most important details, the things you'd say if your poem were only three lines long. These are the arms of your poem.
Then, CAREFULLY and consciously build the rest of your second draft up around this heart and these arms. Always keep your message connected to the heart so you get it across clearly and fully.

Also, as for a note on language, I would really try to avoid building sentences like this:

For sensitive I am.
Feelings I do have
For short tempered I am
Anger I do have.


The poem ends up sounding like Yoda is speaking. And that brings in humor where the subject matter is not supposed to be humorous, so it ends up weakening your poem. D:

Please PM me if you have any questions or comments about this review.
Good luck and keep writing!




rbt00 says...


tHANKX :D



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Sun Jun 30, 2013 12:11 am
vampyIrishgirl wrote a review...



I like this, specially because it kinda seems to me that it's about bullying... and I understand what you are saying (but if i'm totally off forgive me xD) but I think when you say "haters will sat what they want to" I don't understand did it was a little bit confusing did you mean "see what they want to"? or not? other than that I didn't find any grammar mistakes... it is really good; and I can relate to the poem. great work!!!




rbt00 says...


Oops it was actually will say* ..
Thnkx




Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
— Mark Twain