Young Writers Society

This isn't a typical rhyme here, because you are relying on voice and sound. Just one stanza doesn't flow without the rest so I like it because it is unique. I like it, though I am not quite sure who "she" is. Is she a metaphor?

Anyway, I think my favorite part

"So on, I crave it, it's madness
Now I'm lost in the sadness

And we are lifeless
And priceless
And pennies couldn't pay

Money never could dream of
Being worth another day"

"We're falling, and bagless
We're racing to the Earth
Soaring, and screaming--
Is all of this really worth--
----really nice, powerful MOVEMENT
A quick breath
Of freedom
Moments to be a heathen (words is breathy, nice)
To burn in my truths or--
Or maybe just to soothe Her."

Then you say her, only thing I think will help with the effect is using Bold for "her". Italics or even underline can help too though you can even using Bold and Italics Right now, it just looks to plain like that.

The tone is a little hyper, so I am not sure how to take it seriousley but I like it so whatever suits you.
Yep, no other critiques, it's nice, keep writing!

Wow! This is amazing! I seriously can't see any errors or faults in this piece. Everything I wanted to say has been said by other users. I'm totally speechless. It's such a great poem!
''A quick breath of freedom''.
I love this phrase. For some reason, it struck a chord.
Beautiful work! Your poem has a graceful flow, and leaves a lasting impression on your reader. The ending is perfect! It's dramatic and abrupt. Great work, keep it up!

I really, really like this poem. It reminds me of a song I was listening to while reviewing this piece of text. It's called Youth by Daughter. It reminds me also of the novel I'm writing currently called Twisted. Hope you check it out. Anyway, my favorite stanza is
"To caress her, and hold her
To wipe away her pain
She; the demon
She; the lover
Who drove me here--

insane"
Because it finally tells us what HER is really about in one word. The stanzas before remind me of something that should be sung. It really captivates me and takes me into another state of mind, and that is what I love when I read. So very well done. I'm going to be reading a lot of your works
IvyLeonora

in one line----" this is an excellent work." i loved the way in which you have framed everything. from top to bottom this poem exceptionally awesome.

now here's ur poem's grading ceremony:

most touchy lines in the poem:

"Colliding our planes"

"We're falling, and bagless
We're racing to the Earth"

most touchy stanza:

"To caress her, and hold her
To wipe away her pain
She; the demon
She; the lover
Who drove me here--insane"

keep it up!

Hello. Iggy here to deliver her 100th review!

And I've earned my named

Soaring, and scraming--

To whipe away her pain

Okay before I even start my review i have to say holy crap. This is brilliant! Okay now for the reiview.

What I liked:

1. The rhyme. I love what the rhyme did for your poem. It brought a smooth and easy flow. It was quick and faced paced, yet somehow calm, much like the falling you were describing.

2. The end. I loved how you ended it. I can't even find enough words to describe how much I loved it. So I will leave it with I loved it. Please don't even think of changing it.

3. The idea. Expressed through well thought out rhyme and imagery, your idea comes out loud and clear. To me it is fresh and unique. I loved it so much.

What I didn't like:

1. This line. "Soaring, and scraming--" I think you meant to say screaming, if not consider changing it to screaming because I don't even think scraming is a word.

Overall:
Like I said earlier, holy crap. This is a briliant piece and other than the one line I can find no faults. Great job and keep writing!

Hi KittyBee! First off, a belated welcome to YWS! I hope you're enjoying the site.

Overall, I thought this was very good. There is an excellent rhythm in some places that makes it roll off the tongue when read out loud. I'm mostly going to point out some minor errors I think are typos.

And I've earned my named
Detatching and crashing,

Soaring, and scraming--
Is all of this really worth--

A quick breath
Of freedom
Moments to be a heathen
To burn in my truths or--
Or maybe just to soothe Her.

So on, I crave it, it's madness
Now I'm lost in the sadness

To whipe away her pain

She exalts me, She caves me
She makes me swear I'm crazy
She's no lady, screams "oh, baby"
Under the skin that she calls shady