Young Writers Society

I liked this poem-I could tell you had put lots of feeling and emotion into it and spent some time on thinking about imagery, your thoughts and feelings and the editing before posting it. The punctuation confused me slightly because I have never seen so many hyphens ever (and semi-colons before two hyphens)! Also, I think there may have been capital letters in odd places as I didn't quite know when stanzas ended/began and also have a look at your rhyming pattern because it started off without then rhymed at the end. But yeah very effective poem-well done!

tiggpanda145

This really has a lot of emotion in it. I applaud this. It really does seem to speak to the reader, and have them feel what the writer felt. Imagery was used VERY well. I, personally, found it very easy to see what you were describing, and that is a great quality in a writer.

There's one thing I don't like too much, and that's the rhyming. In the beginning, there's none at all, but as we progress into the story, it suddenly starts too. I recommend that you either rhyme from the get go, or not at all, and keep it up through the whole poem.

Other than that, this is done extremely well. Keep up your writing. I can't wait to see more.

~Haley~

You really poured out your feeling in this. I think pieces of it would make an excellent song. If you are interested in turning this into a story, or chapters of a story, I encourage you to do so! You could turn this into something bigger! I liked the emotion, and the way the feelings show through each sentence. As always, good luck to you and your writing.

Hi, Street! You've written a lovely poem, and Alliyah is here to review! So, without further ado:
My first feelings when reading this poem, is that you do a great job not only addressing and relating the emotion you're portraying but you have a way of sweeping the reader with that emotion. Your lines are engaging, and from the first stanza I'm hooked and have to read the rest. It seems like in the the beginning the speaker is just reminiscing, and then as she/he thinks more about their feelings and memories they get sucked into this cloud of sorrow that expands until they're brought to their lost love's door step. And then even as the day fades, and maybe they come to terms with their sadness a little, they still can't keep their lost-love out of their mind.

So... I don't have very many suggestions, since you did quite a good job.

I really didn't see any spelling/grammar mistakes, so THANK YOU for editing this before posting, to make sure there weren't any! The only questionable comma-placement I saw was towards the end: "I end up at your door - with no words left to say. - So I turn around and leave." I think there should be a comma after "So" or you should combine these two sentences.

For me the last line, just didn't ring very conclusive. I think you could maybe change it to something more conclusive, like: " I'll always think of you" or something like that..

By the way, at one point I had like 3 pieces that my computer/YWS wouldn't let me put the line-breaks in too! But, eventually it let me put line-breaks in stuff I wrote again, and then I went back and editted all those pieces to add the line breaks in. So, it might be a similar case with you, where in a few weeks it might let you edit it and put in the line breaks. If the problem persists another thing you could consider as posting it as a comment to show the line-breaks because comments aren't as touchy. Good Luck!

I hope my review helped!!

~alliyah~

Hey there StreetRat. I am your excited reviewer today. So here is the review

What I liked:

1. The imagery. You have many solid images as you describe running (walking away). I can see everything from the point of view you put out. Great work on that.

2. The emotion. The reader can really get a grasp on your feelings. I think you manage this through the words that you chose.

3. How you bring it together. Warm earth then cool earth, brilliant. It provide a complete circle, like that of the stages of a break up or relationship.

What I didn't like:

1. The rhyme scheme. In the beginning of your poem, there isn't one. That is fine, except in the second stanza you created a rhyme scheme, thereby disrupting the flow of the poem completely. Plus, once you have created the rhyme you switch it to diffrent types throughout the stanzas going from couplet to every other then back to couplets. While creative, it disrupts the flow of the poem.

Overall:
It is a good start, a great start in fact. I thank you for telling how the formating should go when the site wouldn't let you do it that way, so thank you. Consider the rhyme scheme and how the poem flows if you rewrite it. Great job, and Keep Writing!

This is an amazing piece!

This is beautiful! Keep writing! I really enjoyed No Words Left.

Sincerely,
Paige