z

Young Writers Society


12+

The Strange Life of an Egyptian Platypus and Other Stories from Psych Class

by TheAlibi


The Strange Life of an Egyptian Platypus and Other Stories from Psych Class

TESS and ISAAC are classmates and close acquaintances working on a phycology project involving what people do when they are alone. They are sitting in the back of the classroom where two beanbags and a child’s carpet make their sitting are. A few desks have been set up behind them. TESS is an intelligent, if not sarcastic girl of seventeen. ISAAC is her age, but slightly more reserved.

TESS: This is a stupid project.

ISAAC: [annoyed] I know, TESS.

TESS: You need to speak more slowly; the project might not understand you.

ISAAC: I already slowed down my voice for you-

TESS: [sarcastically] You’re so funny, Isaac. I’m dying of laughter.

ISAAC: Sounds like it. [Picks up clipboard, pen, stares at it in frustration]. So, as much as I’m terrified to ask, what do you do when you’re alone?

TESS: I pretend I’m an Egyptian pole dancer and practice my routine on my bed post.

[ISAAC looks at her with a mix of confusion and disgust]

TESS: Alright, fine. When I’m alone, I turn into a crime fighting platypus with laryngitis and a gay-guy fedora.

ISAAC: You….you are something else aren’t you?

TESS: Well, yeah, how many crime fighting egg laying mammals of action are there?

ISAAC: Seriously, Tess, can we just get this over with?

TESS: Fine, when I’m alone I play Age of Empires and eat ice cream and occasionally watch Letters To Juliet because it makes me bitter about the love life I don’t have. Your turn.

ISAAC: Um…

TESS: If it’s porn, I don’t want to know, [holds the clipboard out towards him, he doesn’t take it] just put it on the paper and don’t tell me.

ISAAC: No, TESS, that’s not…no… [shakes his head, is looking everywhere but at her]

TESS: Ballet?

ISAAC: No, and…really Tess? Do I look like a ballet dancer to you?

TESS: [spoken like a question] Yes?

ISAAC: Here…give me the paper, Perry.

TESS: Anything you say, twinkle toes.

[ISAAC writes something on the paper, then folds it and puts it well out of TESS’ reach]

TESS: What’d you write?

ISAAC: Does it matter?

TESS: This is supposed to be a group project.

ISAAC: You really want to know?

TESS: Yes, I do.

ISAAC: When I am alone… [he hesitates for a moment, trying to read her expression] when I am alone I read the posts on your Facebook wall and hope that maybe you’ll send me a message.

TESS: What?

ISAAC: You wanted to know.

TESS: I did, but… Did you write that on the paper? We’re turning that in!

ISAAC: So what if I did? Maybe I’m into belly dancing platypi from Egypt. Our teacher won’t judge, he’s probably into that stuff too…

TESS: Wait, so you like me?

ISAAC: I do, actually. And while I’m spilling out my secrets to you, about that ballet thing…

[ISAAC raises an eyebrow, smirking]

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93 Reviews

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Reviews: 93

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Thu Aug 15, 2013 4:20 am
Sylar wrote a review...



I seriously love this skit! It reminds me of general banter between my cousins . . .

I don't really have anything bad to say about this adorable mini-play! I love the relationship between Tess and Isaac, and the best part is that the conversation is so real! I am mainly a screenwriter and director, sometimes attempting to write a short story, so I like to prowl around YWS to find as many screenplays as I can find. Since I am very picky about my craft, I sometimes turn down pieces because of incorrect formatting, but since yours is a stage script, I decided to look at it! The best part about your script is your dialogue. It's just, so, REAL! Some scripts I've read were just so flat, boring, and each line seemed so staged, but your piece has lines that almost roll off your characters tongues, like a normal conversation. It was witty, quirky, and interesting. Amazing job.




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347 Reviews

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Sun Jun 30, 2013 6:50 pm
OliveDreams wrote a review...



Haha I loved this! It's so original, quirky and really quite endearing! :) I've never read a script on here before so I thought I would give it a go & your piece of work really caught my work. Obviously :)

I really like the relationship between Tess and Issac...I just wish you'd waited a little longer before Isaac made his big reveal! Especially as you described him as much more reserved than Tess.

I don't really have any more critques - only that I'd hoped it had been longer.

You're clearly very funny and talented :)

Good luck and feel free to take a look at my work when/if you have the time!
THANKS!




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41 Reviews

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Sun Jun 23, 2013 3:09 am
illitar wrote a review...



omg. this sounds like it was a conversation you had in real life, but how can you think of so many random things to put together? i know i am pretty good at random stuff but this was something else.

this was amusing and very funny. I am terrible at conversations so i love reading stuff like this. I am all action and no reflection. thanks for making me laugh.

freaken ballet. lol so amusing.




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303 Reviews

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Sat Jun 22, 2013 7:57 pm
StoneHeart wrote a review...



Hey Alibi, Black here for a real quick review.

Okay, so first off: this was amusing. But, if I had to assume, I would say that you aren't exactly very familiar with the whole English language. Your grammar is kind of messy, your style is missing detail and emotion, and you need to work on your spelling a lot. But really, you did a great job. I'm not good at doing scripts at all. No, I'm dead dog-gone awful at writing scripts, but I can still judge the smaller aspects of your writing and style, as I'm doing now!

What I'm going to do here in this quick review, is I'm going to explain your problem to you, prove that you have it, then I'm going to show you how to fix it on a direct scale, and then hopefully I'll be able to generalize and help you fix the real problem . . . in your style. But remember: At the end of the day it's all going to be up to YOU to sit down and do the hard work of fixing the problem itself.

So I'll start with your Grammar. So, as I said earlier I'm going to show you you have a problem, fix it on a lower scale, and then do the best that I can to generalize and solve the underlying problem. Here goes!

They are sitting in the back of the classroom where two beanbags and a child’s carpet make their sitting are. A few desks have been set up behind them. TESS is an intelligent, if not sarcastic girl of seventeen. ISAAC is her age, but slightly more reserved.


'are' should be 'area'. If it shouldn't then you need to re-structure that sentence. The 'TESS is an intelligent, if not sarcastic girl of seventeen' is an incorrect sentence. You need to make more sense with the 'if not' part and verify that you're talking about age when you use 'seventeen'. XD

You need to speak more slowly; the project might not understand you.


Okay, your use of 'more slowly' is a classical misuse of grammar. You need to say 'slower'. Also, this isn't the type of 'project' that can understand anything. Maybe you're talking about the people who'll be reading the project? You really need to fix that.

So, as much as I’m terrified to ask, what do you do when you’re alone?


Okay, this is an incorrectly styled question. Read it. Would it make any sense to you? Read it to yourself and try to fix it. . . . I can't really do it myself seeing as I can't really understand it.

Okay, for a generalization I'm just going to say that you're not very familiar with English at the moment and only really need to practice. The solution to this problem is really simple: You need to sit down and get a lot of practice with English. Write. Talk. Get into conversations. . . . It doesn't matter whether or not you're familiar with English, it's still the solution.

I've gotta cut this review short. I'm going to advise you to only emph the names at the beginning of sentences. Also, try to show more emotion. Another thing you could do is put more detail on what's going on, I have a hard time understanding exactly what they're doing back here.

Okay, that's it for now! Great work! You really did a good job here (especially in compare with me), and I hope you keep it up! Remember: Keep writing - Do that and I give you a 100% guarantee of improvement!


~Black~





Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.
— Mark Twain