Hey there, Harry, I'm on a bit of a reviewing spree at the moment and unfortunately/fortunately, you are one of my victims! I found this whilst browsing in the Green Room and noticed you wanted more reviews to complete the rest of it, so here I am to hopefully try and help you with that.
Sorry i was locked up in bathroom , by staring at the security i understood my apology is not worth making , he is not expecting sorry but he is expecting my presence .
I think 'Sorry i was locked up in bathroom' is meant to be dialogue, right? Where the character is speaking? If so, you need speech marks. You're also missing a 'the', and so it should look something like this: "Sorry I was locked up in the bathroom."
Running to flight i couldn't even say good bye to my motherland
You need a 'my' between 'to' and 'flight'. I'm also not too sure what you mean by saying motherland. Maybe I'm just being a bit stupid, but I'm not sure what a motherland is.
the only reason to stop my embarassing behavior for the rest of the journey is commonsense
Embarrassing* Common sense is also two separate words
but i couldn’t find any placard because i am not send here to do job or hired by company make a business deal
This should be written like this: "but i couldn’t find any placard because i was not send here to do a job or hired by a company to make a business deal
Please take your seat ,I can’t promise you the best supper but I promise you the special one’s -—chaitanya
You can just use speech marks, you don't have to write '-—chaitanya'. Like this: "Please take your sear, I can't promise you the best supper but I promise you a special one," said Chaitanya.
Overall
I think you have a really interesting idea here that has a lot of potential to be original, so well done for that! There were several perks to your writing here, one of the main ones being your use of description and imagery here, in my opinion. I can't remember any off the top of my head right now, but I know you had some really neat, cool similes in here. An awesome job on that! I also quite liked some of your characterisation, and I think that the people you've created here have lots of juicy potential. For example, I find your main character's train of thought rather amusing, and I can differentiate him from other characters. Overall, a nice piece with lots of potential!
I must admit that I don't really have anything major to critique for you when it comes to the content, plot e.t.c. of this, so my main focus is on grammar. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm going to assume that English isn't your first language. I've got a good friend on here whose first language also isn't English, so I can completely see where and why you're making the mistakes you are making when it comes to grammar and punctuation as your mistakes are similar to hers. Generally speaking, you do have the basics of grammar in your grasp, which makes the majority of your story make sense. That's always a good start! There are definitely some grammatical issues you can work on though, and I'll try my best to try and explain some of them to you.
One thing I noticed was your use of capitalisation. I noticed that you don't capitalise names, which is very important in writing. I can't tell you the exact reasons why names must be capitalised, but they always have been in writing, and it's a very important rule. That should be easy enough to remember, right? Just make sure you use a capital letter at the beginning of every name i.e. John, not john. Another problem I noticed with your capitalisation was that you often forget to capitalise the letter, I. No matter what you're saying, that letter must always be a capital letter when it's by itself. Remember that, and you'll be improving your grammar in no time!
Something else I noticed regarding grammar is that you seem to be a bit unsure of how to use spacing surrounding punctuation, for example commas. An example of how to use spacing for punctuation such as commas and full stops/periods would be this very review. Have a look and take note of how I myself use spaces with my punctuation, and see if you can figure it out from there. The basic two basic rules are:
Before you use a punctuation mark such as commas and full stops/periods, don't put any spaces, just place the punctuation mark straight after the word.
&
After punctuation like commas and full stops/periods, you need one space before you start the next word
&
After punctuation like commas and full stops/periods, you need one space before you start the next word
For example, think of what I just told you and now look at this simple sentence: the cat was fat, short, and stumpy. What you'd probably do there would be: the cat was fat , short , and stumpy . Can you see how the first version of that sentence looks a lot neater and more correct than the other version? I'm not sure if I've made any sense, I hope so, but if not just let me know and I'll see if I can explain further.
The final thing I want to mention is that you occasionally miss out words from a sentence, especially articles (articles are the words, 'a', 'an' and 'the'). The problem with this is that when someone is reading your writing and these words are missing, things can get a little bit confusing for the reader. Those three words are very important, you see, and they are some of the most common words that need to be used in writing. When it comes to using these words, they are basically used for referring to things. For example, you wouldn't just say, there was apple on floor. Instead, you would say, there was an apple on the floor. Do you see how the second sentence is a lot smoother and easier to read?
In all honesty, I'm not sure how much sense I'm making and articles are a little hard to explain. I'm certainly no expert either, so try using this website here, which explains them a little better: http://www.learnenglish.de/grammar/articlestext.htm
I think that's it! I've tried my best to explain the grammatical mistakes you're making, but I'm really not the best at doing so. Nonetheless, I do hope that I've made things a little clearer for you and that you can apply some of the things I've tried showing you into your next piece of writing. The only critique regarding content I have is that the last paragraph of this piece was a bit... sudden. I felt like you should have maybe made a smoother transition from the day your main character arrives in London to the day after that. Other than that though, I think you're good with content. Once again, I hope I've helped somewhat and if you have any further questions, just let me know
Keep writing,
xoxo Skins
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