z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

The Uplifting

by tacoguy1988


Chapter 1: Choices from culture and belief

Sapion- “We are protectors of life.”

Sina- “You are the preservers of death. You allow unadvanced sentient beings experience a slow and painful rot until death. We introduce the choice and abilities to allow continuation of life.”

Leuthid- “In doing so you destroy culture and history.”

Pygmalio - “Past history are often irrelevant. Coincidences and the unlighten actions of the masses, and the one are not things to be revered. The ancient cultures of the past can be forgotten and lost. Beyond these points, factually, your limited minds can’t comprehend most of your past cultures. The small inkling of the past in your unaugmented minds is negligible.”

Aequus discreetly to Pygmalio though his neuron implant- “Use more tact. This will not go well if you don’t.”

Agal- “We do record and preserve history, we just don't stay in it. The cultures of species we uplift usually would have taken eons to reach the technological level to control their own biological fate. The cultural transformation over this time period will have their past culture phased out of existence. Time and the Confederacy would have them die. We give them the choice to live.”

Eguanid- “The savages you intend to ‘uplift’ next are are homicidal dunces. They near abundance and they rape, pillage and murder. They are too short sighted. Their minds will taint all of space civilization.”

Leuta- “We police our own. As we always have. The transitory period will be difficult with this species, but we do not treat this as a burden”

Leuthid- “I have seen them bloat their guts and dirty the land, sea, and air. They have in recent times they pollute space with their garbage. The know we could exist and they don’t care to show concern.”

Nanomorph- “They will learn as we have learn. The cure for their selfishness and disregard will lay in our tools of alteration and production abilities.”

Gunchrolutes- “The Humans have been given enough history to show us that is not true.”

Pygmalio- “New minds will be civilized.”

Glab- “We don’t trust this can always happen. These mixings bring unfamiliarity.”

Agal- “We know our capabilities better than you. We will continue with the upliftings and continue to earth. We believe that the uplifting is the moral choice. We will voyage toward earth”

Pygmalio- “Then talks are dismissed.”

Chapter 2: The Uplifting

As the talks ended, ships departed the space station. The ships heading toward earth united and plunged past stars beyond light and empty space. The trip was short in time but. All that was to be done was planned in sundry and numerous scenarios. Seemingly countless to certain minds.

When the amalgamation ship arrived the ship separated only to complete its task. The ships twirled around earth at speeds the most advanced human tools could pick up. Green beams then blanketed the planet.

Human bodies and human machines seemed to be frozen in time, but human minds continued to think. Humans were stopped in their activities to listen. Some were dying in hospital beds. Some have even taken their last breath moments ago to be suddenly awakened. Some were eye to eye sending bullets into one another’s flesh. All were stopped.

Trans-civilization Union delved into every human mind to introduce themselves, “Sentient beings descended from the Terran planet, you have been indoctrinated in a culture of death acceptance. This message is from Trans-civilization Union. You lack the ability not to die. The Union is giving each sentient being a choice. The choice is being uplifted into us where you can be incorporated into the Trans-Civilization Union and receive the ability and the knowledge to control the processes that create death.

Humans around the world made a choice. To join the Trans-Civilization Union and given the capability to be transformed. They could advance themselves physically and mentally. They could not resign to death.

Chapter 3: The Conversation

Eguanid- They give us a choice now, but when they surpass us beyond to where we are near nothing compared to them will they allow us to continue?

Sapion- Don’t they give themselves choice too? The beings who have individuality in the Trans-civilization Union are allowed to self terminate.

Glab- The Trans-Civilization Union copy minds and memories. Their minds become AIs and their AIs become flesh. If ideas lead to war they have a huge advantage because of how they mold body and consciousness. Ability is ubiquitous among them. Rank is assigned by number, not by merit because merit because merit is just as ubiquitous as ability within them. One general falls the next in line is just as capable.

Gunchrolutes- We may have our own kind of crafts we are willing to expend, but they are mixed in with theirs. They are their crafts. They are their colossus and the minds. They are not limited to blood, but into fabric of their choosing.

Sapion- That shows it is madness to attack them.

Glab- We may lose but the preservation of this way of life could end.

Sapion- There is no chance. It will end of your species. This will be the undoing of the Spacefaring Species Confederacy.

Eguanid- Then we will die trying to preserve our ways.

Chapter 4: Outcomes

War was never declared but the Spacefaring Species Confederacy attacked the Trans-Civilization Union worlds. They attacked what they believed to be the weakest point. The species who were most like them, the Lequus. They were the only species in the Union who stayed mostly how they were before they were uplifted. Many of their colonies were obliterated, but they were prepared for this. Their neural implants took copies of their brain and uploaded them across space. Their digital copies enacted much scorn and physcial vengeance. The Lequus was mostly destroyed but their digital minds melded with other minds in the Union. With their old physial bodies abdcent they had no problem with drastic changes. The union was ready to enable full force now.

The war was total. The Trans-Civilization Union had no mercy in war with Spacefaring Species Confederacy. Factually the Union believed that these species were not as much killed, but had their small lifespans shorten. It is more of a tragedy to kill a mind that has not resigned to die.

Humans newly introduced to the Union had little part in the war. Most humans choose not to join, but over generations were inclined to join. Humans, or what they evolved into spread across the galaxy and then the universe.

The war did not dissuade Trans-Civilization Union from continuing upliftings. As the Trans-Civilization Union spread across the universe they found more planets with conscious life. As their reach extended to the edges of the universe they had a pull on all matter. They woke up the universe and from that point they saw something more.


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Sun Jun 30, 2013 11:45 pm
Nate wrote a review...



It's interesting how you wrote this; it's a mix of script and short story. I don't think I've ever seen dialogue laid out in a story as you have here. However, while I applaud the experiment, I'm not quite sure it worked.

The problem is simply word repetition. When writing dialogue, writers tend to use "he" or "she" after the first name introduction because the constant repeating of the name gets tiresome. Plus, it ends up distracting from the work and pulling the reader's focus away. So again, I like the experiment, but if you plan to continue writing dialogue like this, I'd only use "Name - " the first two times. After that, the reader can infer who's speaking.

As others have also pointed out, what you have here is mostly a base idea. It's interesting, and I think this works very well as an outline. Your next step is to expand upon your idea and add flesh to your chapters.




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Sat Jun 01, 2013 6:26 pm
Andrea2676Marie wrote a review...



You have a great base idea here. I really think you can build an awesome story out of this. However, my advice is to read through this a few times. Find the spots where you can add in description. Think about how you tell a story to a friend and then include that in your writing. When talking out loud to a person we use a lot of description, so you just need to add that into the writing. Good luck to you and your writing, I hope you continue to write. Also maybe a different topic would be easier to write about.




tacoguy1988 says...


There are 10 characters and I know how they all look like. I think I want to create short version and a long version.



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Sat Jun 01, 2013 12:31 pm
Aquila90 wrote a review...



I found the text confusing and a little hard to read. It was lacking in certain key descriptions in the first chapter that I needed to re-read it to roughy get a mental image. In chapter 2 the descriptions were better, such that it enabled an orientation of my senses. This should be done for the conversations between the beings in the first chapter.

Do look out for mistakes like 'They weakest point was believed to be the weakest point,' chapter 4. And punctuation to avoid confusion: 'Trans-civilization Union “Sentient beings descended from the Terran planet, you have been indoctrinated in a culture of death acceptance. This message is from Trans-civilization Union. You lack the ability not to die. The Union is giving each sentient being a choice.' This should have an inverted comma to indicate who is talking or what is narrated.

The theme and setting is a breeding ground for a potentially good story, but remember, for an epic, descriptions and direction are paramount.




tacoguy1988 says...


Thanks for showing me my mistakes. Its not complete. I have notes on what the. The themes are being ferociously anti-death, tradition, diplomacy, and culture. It will be more hammered out.



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Sat Jun 01, 2013 5:18 am
ShonenChicoBoy wrote a review...



My first review!

Whoah there... try and break up the text! It's really confusing and hard to read through... you need to space things apart.

I thought that your idea was interesting. It looks cool. But I thought this was sort of boring because it's mostly just people talking. The first section/chapter reads more like a script for a play than a book or story.

You need more description and action. What do the space ships look like? What about the space station or the aliens on it? What do the aliens look like?

Then with action: How does the ship descend to earth? What are the people's reactions?

I liked how you kept mentioning death, it seems like it will be an interesting idea. This needs a lot of work though.

This reminded me a little bit of Star Trek... almost.

Hope this helped!




tacoguy1988 says...


>Whoah there... try and break up the text! It's really confusing and hard to read through... you need to space things apart.

I think you read it as soon as I posted it. For some reason, at first it wasn't recognizing my spaces.

The story is very rough. I don't consider it a rough draft.

>What do the space ships look like?

The Union ships are made up of long fibers mainly so they can rip apart and transform.

>What about the space station or the aliens on it?

Its big and blocky.

>What do the aliens look like?

All the characters look different and I will describe them later.

>Then with action: How does the ship descend to earth? What are the people's reactions?

The ships don't land but stay in orbit. Most people react negatively at first but then accept them. I am going to put in some specific people experience with them.

>This reminded me a little bit of Star Trek... almost.

One of the elements is that the Union would be against something like the prime directive in Star Trek. They are severely against leaving primitive species alone.




Every empire tells itself and the world that it is unlike all other empires.
— Edward Said