Hm....

Hello! I'll be doing a review of your poetry. Here are a few things:

Grammar:

Well now,
Isn't this awkward
Im here [Should be I'm]
Right now
With nothing to say

There are some other things the reviewer commented on, so fix those. Also, use your commas, those are a pretty good tool in poetry.

Flow:

You should just stand

Straight and tall
And just go and file

K, so this is an awkward grouping of stanzas. You didn't finish the sentance and off it goes to another stanza. Group that a little diferently, maybe such as:

"So I guess I better
Think my way
Out of this jam
And go out in style
Because when you think
You should just stand
Straight and tall

Just go and file
in a line with all the others
who can't wriggle their ways
into the cracks of their minds
well you can wriggle into yours
filled with mines
explosive words
storys
and poems
ready to be unleashed to the world"

The flow can get a little hard to follow sometimes, but take heart, it becomes easier when writing more and more and taking critiques and applying them. I find that what helped me the most was looking at other's poem and then reading the critiques on them so I had a better understand. I still do this.

Overall:
I think you are doing pretty well. It could always use work (everything can). You are on your way. If you need any help with anything or have any questions, feel free to PM me or post to my wall. Good luck and keep writing!

~Kay

Hello there, CM here with a quick review

First of all I liked this poem, a lot. Simple and not overloaded with heavy terms and meanings, it was a poem I would love to read more of.

Secondly, here is my review.

Well now,
Isn't this awkward
Im here
Right now
With nothing to say

I'm slightly confused because you used the right punctuation in the second line but it appears you got lazy on the third when you wrote *Im* and it should of been *I'm*. It gives off a bad impression to the reader, and they end up thinking you just couldn't be bothered to put an apostrophe in. Apart from that, it was a quirky interesting stanza.

So I guess I better
Think my way
Out of this jam
And go out in style
Because when you think
You should just stand

I think you should have stopped this stanza after the fourth line because the fifth and sixth line only work out when you quickly read the next stanza. In other words, it's to broken up. Apart from that, another nice stanza. I liked the use of 'jam'

Straight and tall
And just go and file
in a line with all the others
who can't wriggle their ways
into the cracks of their minds
well you can wriggle into yours
filled with mines
explosive words
storys
and poems
ready to be unleashed to the world

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CAPITALS! Seriously man, what up? I mean so far you've been going great and then BAM! No capitalization...

So pull the trigger
and let that baby free
Well now, that wasn't so hard!

Now you see!


Overall, I loved your poem, simple brilliant and full of great vocab and flowing stanza's (was that last smiley face really needed?). And I would love to see more of your work.

WELCOME TO YWS! :):):):):):)

CM

Hey! Aley here to help review <3

First off just some common preliminary things that I have to get out of the way for 90% of reviews.
Punctuation, use of punctuation can determine whether you control how you want your reader to read something, or you let them explore for themselves what they want to read it as. If you have a sentence like, 'the dog ate the cats food' without any punctuation, you could end up with the dog ate the cat as food, or the dog ate the cat's food. Use at your own discretion.
Capitalization, this is something that people debate about all the time. Sometimes we capitalize the first letter, sometimes we don't. It is important to be consistent. Either stick with capitalizing for sentences, or capitalizing for only important words, or for the start of lines, but do it consistently.
Lines, use for creating interesting relationships between words and demonstrate an understanding of structure and how quick lines, or short lines, will make us read faster while longer lines will make us read slower.
The most important thing through all of that, is consistency. As long as you're not changing it up half way through the poem, you should be able to defend your case if you have one. That being said, I'll start my review ^.-

So you're not consistent with your punctuation. "Isn't this awkward/Im here" right off the bat we have Im instead of I'm, and that's an issue. I am happy it is capitalized, but this is the only case where Im appears. Unfortunately, you're also not consistent with your capitalization. At the front of the poem, you're capitalizing the beginning of every line, but you stop in the third stanza. Pick one. Typically the only place where this type of change would be acceptable would be in a poem where you establish it is about the mood changing, such as relaxing, and then waking up when you're using caps and punctuation to indicate level of awareness or that type of event. I don't see that going on here.

I like your use of lines. To begin with we have short things that really just let us skim and brush past them until you get longer to a point where things are supposed to actually be important, but I don't understand getting short in the middle of that. I'd suggest keeping that long because the diction makes it a quick read even if it is in it's own line together. Also it will be more consistent for the poem to grow through itself.

I think that's really all I'm going to say. You'll get another review from someone else and they'll nitpick other things <3

Welcome to YWS! I hope you review a ton.