Young Writers Society

Niteowl;
My, my, so many reviews. I'll keep mine as short and sweet as this lovely poem.
Firstly, I love it. As you've already heard, short and sweet is definitely my thing and adding such simple but provocative words throws this poem right over the awesome cliff. Favorite lines:

our worlds blended
but we never collided.

Absolutely gorgeous to read. The whole space-oriented, stary-eyed theme really sucked me in too. I also like how you left this poem lower-cased. I think it really says something here - almost like the narrator is whispering what he/she really just wants to scream into the galaxies.
Just lovely, keep writing!

Hi, niteowl!

Disclaimer: if you find typos, it's because I'm on mobile.

This poem is quite beautiful. I see that you'be already recieved a lot of reviews on this piece, so I'll keep this fairly brief.

I love the personification of the stars in your first stanza. It really started off the poem strongly, and set the tone of looking back at desperation. I love how you progress the "end of days" feel as well when the dust orbits each other at the end instead of the stars or worlds or whatever remaining whole.

Honestly, I don't have many suggestions for improvement. The only thing I would do is add "of days" to the end of the previous line. It doesn't feel right with "of days" as its own line. I think it would make the poem a tiny bit better if you combines those two lines.

I hope this review was useful to you. Happy poeting!

Hey niteowl! Congratulations on doing NaPo! This poem is very beautiful, I'm not sure there's enough for me to critique to warrant a review. There's plenty of material you could work off of, so you might want to consider expanding upon your message! (Space is infinite after all.) Now, here's my opinion on what you can improve on in this poem.

-The title doesn't really match the poem much to me. While it does touch on the basic message of the poem, it's about stars more than worlds. The stars are a metaphor for two people meeting, but the title is misleading.

-The last stanza could be illustrated better. The first was full of sound and color, and the second just carries the blunt of the actual message. You might want to consider spreading that weight around a little.

Anyway niteowl, I hope my review helps. Keep writing!

i actually didn't get it completely !
dust of stars ?
anyways keep penning !
:angad

i like the use of varying sentance lengths. you used alot of "advanced" words something i dont see in works very often. you seem to know what you"re doing and have a very vivid imagination and make it easy for the reader to connect and see what you saw while writing this peice. i didnt see many mistakes, if i saw any at all, but dont take my word for it, im not one who notices that kind of thing alot. but all in all, this is a good peice of writing.

Bravo, great poem, Night owl. The poem has a beautiful sense of confusion blended into it. I love that in particular. The fact that you say
"Our worlds blended
But we never collided" deeply contributes to this.
Hm. I'd like you to keep it up with the great poems.

Hello There.......
First off I would like to say that I love your profile animation!! HA Secondly the poem is a little edgy and rough. However it is good at the point it is trying to make. The main thing I see from just looking at the poem is it needs punctuation and all the lines need to be capitalized. In the first stanza the second and third lines could have been together. It would have made the poem smoother.

All in all, the poem was good. It just needs a little more work.

This poem is nice. I love the concept and the imagery you've used here is brilliant. Though I do think this poem should be extended to give it more depth. But you don't have to if you don't want to; it's just a suggestion. Overall, a lovely poem. I just think people would appreciate it more if it was a bit longer.

Hi, this is a great poem however I feel that it needs a bit more depth. You could do this by expressing more your emotions. I love the way you began the poem with an effective simile though if I were you I would start it with a capital letter.

Overall it is a very original poem with the universe background. Your writing is brilliant so keep it up!

love the words you used to create this short poem. The concept was well portrayed through the relation with our universe. It's a nice love poem as well of how the two worlds only blended but became one.

Hey little author here,

Aww this is a really sweet poem. Unlike the others, I thought it was a perfect size. It covered all the topic in those 8 lines and it was good enough that it didn't need anymore than that. This poem made me feel all bubbly in side and it reminded me of me and my best friend. I could relate to your poem and that's what poems are for.

Keep writing

Hi, this is a great poem however I feel that it needs a bit more depth. You could do this by expressing more your emotions. I love the way you began the poem with an effective simile though if I were you I would start it with a capital letter.

Overall it is a very original poem with the universe background. Your writing is brilliant so keep it up!

I love the words you used to create this short poem. The concept was well portrayed through the relation with our universe. It's a nice love poem as well of how the two worlds only blended but became one. I could see it become a great masterpiece. I suggest to make it longer? But even like this, it is truly amazing.

Yours Truly, RainGrae

Hello!

For a short piece, your writing is good. I really like the concept, and I feel if you took the time to develop it into something longer it would be really intriguing!
Two things I noticed were that you should capitalize the first words of your lines and that you should make the stanzas contain an equal amount of lines. A way to do this (just a quick example) would be to put "of days," in the same line as at the end (though perhaps you meant to do that and it was a typo).
Happy Writing!

Hello!

For a short piece, your writing is good. I really like the concept, and I feel if you took the time to develop it into something longer it would be really intriguing!
Two things I noticed were that you should capitalize the first words of your lines and that you should make the stanzas contain an equal amount of lines. A way to do this (just a quick example) would be to put "of days," in the same line as at the end (though perhaps you meant to do that and it was a typo).
Happy Writing!

Hello there here is a me with a review for you remember that this is for review day so it will not be so big.

Hopes is helps.

Sorry but this does not make that much sense to me I am not sure what you are talking about.

Second prob is wait there is not one I can't see any more prob's in here besides it was really good.

Good good work here I really like this here it sounds very very poetic. XD

Until later "may god be with you and good bye".

Keep writing and good luck.

~Jon~

Hope it helped you out.

Good work hope is helped.

Forgive me if I rambled I do that a lot.

ohhhhhh...why oh why. i kinda got into it and begun liking it. i devoured every single word with care only for it to end too soon.