Well, I don't think I got here in time. 
But I'm here, and I think that is what counts.
Take with salt; mind with care. Don't be offended if I'm harsh - it's just the way I review.
Being different is an understatement. Being awesome is an overstatement.
There's this rhetorical thing about conjugations of "to be:" do not use them where they can be avoided (at least in English). In some languages, the conjugations of "to be" are different and beautiful. Like French: "Etre" can be "suis," "es," "est," "sommes," "sont," so forth. In English, which is the language we speak, "to be" is just ugly and painful and superfluous. "I am as could be one which is how one might think of being were one to be such as I am," or "many would think I be different, but such I am." Pardon my hyperbole, but I think you get the point.
I know that I am different, but awesome is a whole other subject.
There are some kindly reviewers who have suggested that "whole other," while incorrect grammar, might be justified by your narrative tone. Actually, it makes your writing juvenile (no offense). Instead of "a whole other," just say "another."
I also have the opportunity here to introduce my nearly repetitive lecture on the "egregious 'p's." In the above sentence, you write "I know that I am different." The word "that" is an egregious "p" - a preposition - and so I would tell you, without hesitation, to remove it. "I know I am different" is a more active clause, with better flow, than "I know that I am different." I have a whole weblog on the egregious "p"s (prepositions are not the only ones) and why they are evil here:
The Egregious "P"s Lecture (not really a lecture, I promise - more like a paragraph).
Some people will agree and say I'm different. They will even disagree and say I'm awesome.
Remove "will" and "and say." Compare:
"Some people will agree and say I'm different."
"Some people agree I am different."
Which seems stronger (so to speak)?
"Babe girl, you know you're awesome. I just don't say that cause your my girlfriend either."
This is an instance where colloquial speech meets narrative form. It sucks for writers. And it sometimes sucks for readers.
A few tips: don't try to make things sound perfectly colloquial. I realized one day that, if I wrote things exactly as they came from my lips, and everyone had to read those things exactly that way, I would never become anything. Why? Because nobody would read past the first few sentences. Humans suck at speaking. This is why writers generally write characters with perfect locution - even if those characters are uneducated or stupid (excepting common American historical portrayals of blacks). Otherwise, it is hard to read. Anyway, here is what I would do: change "Babe" to "Baby," move "just" after "that," make "cause" into "because," and correct "your" to "you're."
I will never understand how she knows actually what I'm thinking, but that's exactly what I was thinking.
Second half of that sentence. TL;DR. From "but," just say "she does." "I don't know how, but she does."
Sometimes I get to think maybe she should be in this school right along with me.
Unless your character is a hick, or is meant to be quaint, remove "get to" and "right along." I can't help but read that and see a fella (or lass) leaning against a faded blue pickup with a cattail lolling from his or her lips, speakin' all slow-like and waiting for the heat or the devil to spur them to move, whichever comes first.
The school of the gifted. The school mainly consist of people who are special. It doesn't matter if they use their gift for good or evil. I like to think of it as right and wrong. Their really isn't a right nor wrong way to use a gift given to you.
The school of the gifted? The only school of the only gifted? All alone in the world, all in one place? You can either capitalize "School" and "Gifted" so that it is a proper noun, which would make more sense, or remove "the" from the name entirely.
Also,
"consist"
-> "consists"
"People who are special"
-> "special people" (and consider the word choice on special - perhaps "different" or "unusual" or even "gifted" again)
"they use their"
-> "one uses one's"
"It doesn't matter... evil. I like to think of it as right and wrong"
-> "It doesn't matter... evil; right or wrong, as I see it"
"Their really in't a right nor wrong way to use a gift given to you"
-> "There is no correct way to use one's gifts."
Note the last sentence incorrectly uses "their" in place of "there," and "nor" in place of "or." And it contradicts your previous sentence about how "good and evil" is "right and wrong" to you...
Too bad you don't know your gifted until someone comes by and tell you. Then the person doesn't even tell you how many gifts you have. You have to figure that out all by yourself.
You are is you're. Your indicates possession. Correct those mistakes. Remove "that" from the last sentence - it is an egregious "p," after all.
Like me, the first two just came to me. The third freaked me out so bad I think I fainted.
Non sequitur? What are you talking about here? I cannot find the antecedent to "the first two" and "the third," nor can I find a precedent for the discussion.
Either way, I'm glad I'm here. Meeting new people is always fun. The worst part is meeting the people who don't like or want to kill me.
Either way of what? There are no two options presented above this sentence, and so "either" makes no sense.
The biggest two fighters this school have are Firecracker and Ricky. They're not too bright either, but I guess the person they're working for doesn't mind. As long as they kill me, their 'puppet master' is happy.
Change "biggest two" to "two biggest." Remove "either." Remove the quotes around puppet master - make it literal, if you are insulting whomever this is, and don't suggest those words belong to someone else.
Coming to this school for me means stepping in some serious magic. I'm just glad my Guardian Angel has my back, sometimes.
Sometimes?
Looks like I do have to listen, learn, and understand in order to get out of this mess.
You did not really introduce a mess. And the sentence is trite. "listen, learn, and understand" - three really good things, but better off implicit. Show situations or reasons listening, learning, and understanding are necessary, and allude more classily (not a word, I know) to characters like the "puppet master." There is no explanation for that character, and no discussion of his or her minions either, save that they are the two biggest fighters at the special school for the gifted.
You have a good spin on a Potteresque theme here, but you fail to create a drawing prologue. This is, in general, and excellent exploratory piece - you adopt some complex and necessary literary devices, such as protagonist and antagonist, relationship construction, spoken word and tone, and so forth. If you can better meld these things into a coherent introduction, you will have a pulling prologue for what hopes to be an excellent shelf-jumper.
Don't take me too seriously. No one has made that mistake yet, but don't be the first. I may review harshly, but it is with the aim to improve, and not to destructively criticize.
~Skorlir
Points: 1115
Reviews: 83
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