Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Teen Fiction

18+ Mature Content

The Ballad: Chapter 4

by SkylerLestrange


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.

I didn’t get any sleep until 4.00 a.m. I could still feel Amethyst’s soft kisses on my neck. I was concentrating on her ‘Doctor/Patient’ excuse. Why couldn’t we be together? Who cared if we were different? A lot of different people fall in love with eachother. Unless she had something I didn’t. She probably already had a boyfriend! No, Amethyst was not like that. She would never cheat on someone. Her heart was too kind. Also, were the hoods serious when they called her a virgin? How could someone that beautiful be a virgin? I must admit; I will be very happy for the young man who takes her innocence.

Bored out of my mind, I decided to go through my secret stash. I found a new addition of Playboy which I had wasted my money on a few days before. On the front was one of those blonde plastic girls who dress in those stupid bunny costumes. The only reason I have these magazines is not because I want to gawk at naked chicks all day long. I read them because I wanted to know why these girls do all these things. Were their parents like my Mother? How could anyone let their daughter be a dominatrix? There was once this one girl though. She looked very innocent. She sort of reminded me of myself. Not in appearance for her hair was black but had pink streaks in it. She wore a red baseball jacket with little black hot pants. She had red earrings and had a necklace with a gold chain and green pendant. The description of her appearance did not match mine. She was pretty. I wasn’t pretty. I was ratty.

When I fell asleep, I had a dream. A dream I never ever thought I would have ever.

***

I was sitting on a bed with the girl from the magazine. The one with the black and pink hair. She wore the exact same outfit. I didn’t know this girl but decided to ask;

“Why do you do what you do?”

She gulped as she looked at me. It looked like she was going to cry. A lump developed in my throat.

“Because no one cares...” she simply said with a pained voice, “I once knew a boy. No one cared. So he killed,” she paused as if she was trying to hold the tears from falling. I felt sympathy for her, “I don’t want to kill. So that’s why I do it. Every night, I have someone to care for me. I care for them too. Then, the next day, they are gone...”

I now sat directly in front of her. She was looking at her hands. I looked at her eyes. I took her chin in my hand and lifted her face towards mine. And then, I kissed her. Just like Amethyst had kissed me earlier under the stars. The girl kissed back roughly, pulling my top off me. Once it was off, I pushed her jacket off her shoulders as she slipped down her hot pants. All she wore now was some Victoria’s Secret underwear she probably spent $100 dollars on so someone would at least care.

She then lay down. I began to kiss her neck exactly how Amethyst kissed mine. The girl gasped as I sucked on it a bit. I then lowered my kisses to her chest. Her skin was soft and smelt nice instead of perfumed.

“I do it because you care right now...” she whispered as I lowered the kisses. I began to lick her stomach and navel. Her skin tasted very sweet.

“I do it because you love me,” she whispered again arching her back.

I then returned to her face to kiss her on the lips again. Her kisses felt like Amethyst’s.

And then, I woke up...

The sun flooded into my window and blinded me. I could hear light wind from outside. I guessed it was around 10.00. Mother usually woke around that time. I could hear her dreadful singing from downstairs. But I was more focused on the dream I just awoke from. I never dreamed of kissing girls like that. I don’t think I ever would kiss a girl like that.

Especially not Amethyst. She was too innocent.

I then averted my eyes to the Playboy magazine. It was opened at the page with the girl from the dream. She didn’t just look innocent. She looked sad...alone maybe. Maybe that was why I felt the connection to her. I’m alone...

***

Later, I sat with Mother in a cafe. God knows hwy she brought me to a cafe. We barely leave the house.

She sat and rambled on about that story Wuthering Heights like she always does. I cursed God for inventing Emily Brontë. It was only after awhile that I realised that she had asked me a question. Usually when people ask me questions and I’m not listening I simply say, ‘Yeah, I totally agree...’ Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t.

“Yeah, of course we could but then the walls would look too blue and I...”

Bla bla bla...

“So, how was the movie yesterday?” Mother asked. I was lucky I heard her before I could zone out.

“Oh, inspiring...” I said sarcastically. She could see it, “OK, it was messed up.”

“And how was the walk home with Amber?” She asked.

“It’s Amethyst...not Amber,” I corrected her as I winced, “And yes it was fun. In fact we encountered a few hoods and had a great laugh with them.”

“Well, it’s good to see you’re making friends,” she didn’t catch the sarcasm that time, “friends with the vermin.”

I sighed. She was just contradicting herself again.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
51 Reviews


Points: 77
Reviews: 51

Donate
Fri May 31, 2013 10:44 am
sphealwithit wrote a review...



I really liked this chapter, his mom seems like a right you know what.

You need to proof read your stuff before you post things. I think that the plot line of this chapter needs to be changed as it seems to be slowing the whole story down eventually it will lead to it going nowhere.

I still like the story however :)






Um ok?



User avatar
51 Reviews


Points: 77
Reviews: 51

Donate
Thu May 30, 2013 11:46 am
sphealwithit wrote a review...



Hey there :) what an awesome reviewing day it is today :)

I like how you managed to get the descriptions of the playboy bunny type right.
The story feels as if its going somewhere and i cant wait to read the rest. The guys point of view is very interesting and i feel as if you got the typical Emo guy right. He's all deep and stuff. The whole his mother blaming him for his fathers death is a good thing to have in a story like this. It gives the character something to aim for and hopefully reconcile at the end.






Thank you! Keep reading and I swear it will get good, dude.



User avatar
1220 Reviews


Points: 72525
Reviews: 1220

Donate
Sun May 26, 2013 8:13 pm
Kale wrote a review...



Hello there, SkylerLestrange, and a fine Review Day to you!

I haven't read any of the earlier chapters, so if something I mention has already been addressed in an earlier chapter, feel free to disregard it.

First things first: proofreading before posting is your best friend when it comes to attracting and keeping readers. There are quite a few misspellings and misused words scattered throughout this, which were quite distracting. Another reason to proofread is because not proofreading gives your readers the (not necessarily correct) impression that you don't really care for your writing very much, and if the writer doesn't care, why should the reader?

So, as I said earlier, proofreading before posting is your best friend since it shows your readers that you really care about your writing (which I'm sure you do).

With that said, I really don't like the narrator in this. I get the impression the narrator is supposed to be male, but he doesn't act like a teenage boy. Rather, he acts like a stereotype of what teenage boys are like, especially the attitudes expressed in the first paragraph.

That first paragraph is all sorts of problematic, too. It seriously skeeved me out. 1) It objectifies Amethyst's sexuality as a trophy to be won and 2) it makes the assumption that a beautiful woman cannot be a virgin. It's just ick. And then the next paragraph going on about Playboy and the plastic blondes...

I'm sorry, but the narrator nauseates me. I take it he's not supposed to be repulsive, but he is.

I'd recommend learning more about guys in general before attempting to write from the point of view of one. Another thing to do is write him as just a person instead of as a "teenage boy".




User avatar
303 Reviews


Points: 11152
Reviews: 303

Donate
Sun May 26, 2013 6:22 pm
StoneHeart wrote a review...



Hey Skyler, Black here for a quick review!

Okay, so this was good. Well written, with great wording, a fast pace, and an interesting plot. It was hard to follow in places, and in much if it I kept getting the really annoying feeling that this is something more like a short story and less like a real book chapter. Anyway. Your strong points, in my view, are these: Grammar, Spelling, Pace, Plot, and Originality! All very important things! Your weak points are in continuity, prospectivity, an general idea.

Okay, I'm gonna see what I can do here about them!

First off prospectivity and continuity:

What's your problem here? Simple! This story feels like it is going to be going NOWHERE. . . . Sorry if that sounded a bit harsh, I'm just telling you what I, as a reader, feel. If I were a real reader, checking out this book, I would not be wanting to read any further after this example of your work. You need to put in something that gives me a hint that something interesting is going to happen later on! You really need to do it. I'm afraid though, that I'll have to leave it to you to find this thing.

You also are really jumpy and chaotic with your writing. I mean, in one place you're all easy going and good, it feels like you're writing a story nicely. But then I really start to feel that I'm not reading a first chapter, you start to jump all over the place, room to bed to dream to bed to coffee house . . . It's probably just me who doesn't like that, but it probably wouldn't hurt you to look into it.

Your general idea problem is very closely tied to the lack of prospectivity. You really need to work on them both. To work on one means to work on the other, if you get what I mean.

My must is dead it appears today. It looks as though I'm going to have to cut this review short and live with a small review :(

Bye, and good luck! Keep writing! - I guarantee that you will improve.


~Black~






Oh, there is a reason it's all jumpy and the narrator usually changes his mood quite abruptly. You'll find out at the end though ;)




Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
— George Burns