Hi jackolantern!
I liked how this poem progressed from a silly lighthearted vibe to a more melancholy tone. The images are funny and they keep my attention. I do think that stanzas would help make this more readable as others have noted.
And got out a ukelele and strummed,
And flashed in the middle
Of a four way intersection.
I think it might be more smooth to say this like "I played my ukelele naked in the middle of Main Street" or something like that. The wording is awkward as is.
And in the dead of night,
I set it free and ran from it's teeth across Indianapolis
To Boston.
The second line here is very long compared to the others in the piece. Plus "it's" should be "its" here, since it's a possessive. I might reword this as "And at midnight I let it go/
and ran from its teeth/from here to Boston." I assume the cities have some significance (the speaker's moving to Boston?), but "Indianopolis" is a long and chunky word and it's hard to make it fit.
And we parted ways and you drove off in a BMW, and
I walked home because you didn't offer me a ride.
I would never end a line on a weak word like "and". You use that word a lot here, and generally it works, but you want the ending of each line to be stronger. I might try
And we parted ways and you drove off in a BMW,
and you didn't offer me a ride,
so I walked home alone.
Your wording is fine, but I thought using "and" there actually could emphasize how uncaring "you" is.
Reflecting my eyes back at me.
I asked the mirror if I was sad.
I should have been.
It looked back at me unabashed.
Nothing happened.
Loved this. It's a strong ending that says quite a bit without flat-out stating it.
Overall, lovely piece, just a few things I'd clean up. Good job and keep writing!
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