HI. I've a few little things to suggest and say.
I found that all the verses with once, twice, thrice got a little bit boring and some of them the rhymes felt forced.
Examples of that:
Scream once for the war,
Scream twice for the peace,
Scream thrice for the wonders
That never will cease.
and
Fight once for the same,
Fight twice for the change,
Fight thrice for the innocent
Who get within range.
these two felt very forced. Now I did really like the format of this poem though, and i like the way you change it at the end. It's very effective.
"With the laughing, the crying,
The scream out of hell,
The singing, the fighting,
The incessant yell,
With all voices raised
For death and for birth,
Let our song be heard
All over the Earth."
THese last two verses feel particularly powerful because they break the trend.
Good job
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Reviews: 179
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