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Young Writers Society


12+

World's highest battlefield

by Swarnima


Cold- that's a word too pleasant to describe,
This place is a punishment of all past lives.
A soldiers nightmare,an officer's threat,
Here the egoes of two countries are at stake.
Hither brave men have died,
Without a fire being shot from any side.

Everyday we are scared to shut our eyes,
Fear of them being sealed forever by ice.
We have forgotten how the divine spring looks like,
Forgotten how dewdrops of grass on feet feel.
We don't even talk of boredom ,
How do you when even the living conditions are not normal?

People forget us, everytime a new movie releases,
The ministers are busy planning vacations to Goa's beaches.
With us,we got no food,no hospital,no family,
And they say, in Indo-Pak talks we are a priority.
We don't remember when this "war" begun,
 Don't have any hope left for a near end.

Still we trudge on we patrol, we train,
Protect our motherland, more important ro us than our measely pay.
Not only us, also think of the soldiers on the other side,
They bring us all in their dratted political fight.
It is a heart- felt  plea to whomsoever it may concern,
Please, please put an end to the war in Siachen....

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Mon Mar 18, 2013 11:28 am
kayfortnight wrote a review...



kayfortnight here with your review!

Nitpicks first, like always. Capitalize each line, egos not egoes, there's a space between boredom and the comma, I'm guessing importanr is supposed to be important and ro is to, fighr isn't a a word, no space or hyphen in heartfelt.

Now that the boring stuff is over, interesting poem. I've never heard of the war of Siachen, but then I'm not Indian, and I do know some wars take a higher toll on the soldiers from natural causes then the soldiers fighting. You build an emotional picture of a hopeless battle very well.

we don't even talk of boredom ,
how do you when even the living conditions are not normal?

I think you need to cut down the bottom line to make it fit in with the rest of the stanza. How about 'how do you when the living conditions aren't normal?'

Otherwise, I think you do great with the rhythm of your poem.




Swarnima says...


Thank you. I'll remember all that and correct the spelling mistakes. :) Thank you again.



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Mon Mar 18, 2013 10:58 am
Arcticus says...



I can relate to every line of this poem.

It's the same all over Kashmir. We too, are tired of all this. But the people in charge treat Kashmir as a 'line'. Forgetting that there are people living in there, and have their own aspirations.

I wish they could see the horrors of what they've done. They wouldn't be able to sleep for the rest of their life.




Swarnima says...


I have heard a lot about the living conditions in Kashmir. One article about problems of soldiers posted on the border inspired me to write this. I pray to God everything becomes better in the Valley. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.



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Mon Mar 18, 2013 9:25 am
Animal wrote a review...



Well...I am also from India and know the condition of Siachen...
Well, very touching poem... :)

Cold- that's a word too pleasant to describe,
This place is a punishment of all past lives.
A soldiers nightmare, an officer's threat,
here the egoes of two countries are at stake.
Hither brave men have died,
without a fire being shot from any side.


Thoughtful... Now let find mistakes... egoes it should be 'egos'
Try capitalizing 'here'
Well, and yes, you are true, Siachen has more natural casualties than war casualties.

they bring us all in their dratted political fighr.


fighr is no word :(




That's all, please capitalize every line, I mean the first word :)




Swarnima says...


Thank you.... I'll remember that capitalization thing. :)




Remember: the plot is nothing more than footprints left in the snow after your characters have run by on their way to incredible destinations.
— Ray Bradbury