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Young Writers Society



Gorbak the Gobux Chapter 8

by guineapiggirl


Chapter 8
Pook rotted in a jail cell for two whole months. He spent every day crying for the cruel twist of fate that had landed him here for what could not be a crime. He wondered how Mook was; whether she was still alive, whether she'd had the goblets yet, whether the goblets had lived. He wondered how his older goblets were, especially little Gernpuk. He wondered what Mook thought of his sudden disappearance. She probably thought that he was dead, or, worse, that he'd despaired and abandoned them...
These were the thoughts that went round and round his head, day in and day out.
The cell was grim. He could never tell what time it was. There was just the one window, high, high up, and it was so grimy that it let no light in. The cell stank of the faeces and urine of the forty others, mainly gobuxes, who he shared it with. Whether it was over the scraps of food the guards threw in for them or some insult one had made to another, they always seemed to be fighting. For the most part, they ignored Pook as he sat in the corner, mourning. He had made just one friend; another gobux. He was a little older than Pook and was called Pook Gidunp. Pook wasn't sure why the gobux was in prison; whenever Gidunp mentioned it he was very vague. From what Gidunp said Pook gathered that there had been some sort of misunderstanding and he didn't for a moment doubt the truth of this. Pook greatly admired Gidunp and, to him, everything Gidunp said, everything he thought, everything he was was truth and goodness.
What Gidunp did talk about was his family. He had a Mook and three goblets that were fully grown now and had been halfway through negotiations for the eldest's marriage to the son of a friend, a promising youth employed as a foreman in one of the factories, and had been beginning to make arrangements for an apprenticeship for his own son when he'd been imprisoned. He hoped that his friend and the master had kept their promises but feared that they hadn't.
In turn, Pook would tell him of his own worries for Mook, the litter she was carrying and the goblets already born. Gidunp pitied Pook and told him that, once they were out of prison, Pook must find his family and then come with him back to the gobux slum.
"Tell me more of these gobux slum, please." Pook asked one day.
Gidunp considered how to begin, "You will have noticed, of course, that things in this city are not fair for gobuxes, that we cannot hope to get good jobs and must struggle to get any sort of job at all..."
Pook nodded. He had.
"Because we cannot work with the other folks and cannot afford to employ them for our needs, we had to instead set up our own independent system; a city within a city. The housing is of bad quality, the food and other items produced are of bad quality, the wages are poor and the standard of living is generally low but we scrape by in this place. For the most part, the Malicia stay away. We have our own governor; the Koog."
Pook gasped, thinking of the Koog that he knew with some pain. Of course, he knew there were other Koogs, at other cliffs, but never had he thought he would find one in the city. He found it comforting to know that there was a place nearby where gobuxes lived like gobuxes should; honestly, with a Koog to go to for advice, help, medicines and magic.
"The Koog? What is he like?" asked Pook. He was imagining someone kind and wise like the old gobux he knew as the Koog.
"He is hard to describe. He rules our slum well and justly, looking out for his own and protecting us all from the Malicia and their punishments for things he doesn't consider crimes."
Pook looked at him inquisitively, wondering whether the Koog would allow him to practice Gobux magic, but Gidunp mistook his meaning.
"Aaaaah, you are wondering how I ended up here? Why the Koog didn't get me out? He cannot save everyone. I was outside of the slum when they caught me. Before word had been sent to the Koog I had been thrown in here with no trial. There was nothing he could do, but I am sure that he will use his influence to get me out soon. I am close to the Koog, you see. I am one of his most trusted and loyal helpers in the running of the slum." Gidunp spoke with considerable pride. He looked at Pook, "When he gets me out, I will try my best to get you out with me. I am sure the Koog will be happy to help a friend of mine."
Pook couldn't express his gratitude. He simply stared up at Gidunp through eyes welling with tears, a great beam stretching across his beak and wrinkling his whole face.
"We'll get out soon, Gobik, my friend... The Koog will save us soon."
The confidence with which Gidunp spoke made Pook believe it must be true. He would be saved! All his hopes now rested on the Koog.
He heard a key turn and a gate screech open far down the corridor. Light poured in; it was early morning. He looked at Gidunp just as Gidunp looked at him. They had had the same thought. They were to be saved...
"'Ere's another gobux!" a guard cried. Pook recognised his voice as that of the tubby dwarf who threw in their scraps, "There's no room in the wimmen's so lock 'er up with the men- sh'is already pregnant!" Th guard laughed at his own joke. Pook could hear the gobux struggling as she was dragged along roughly. Pook shuddered at a pregnant gobux being treated in such a way and thought, wings clenched, of what he'd do if his Mook was treated like that-
"Pook!" a shocked and desperate wail. Pook looked up immediately; the Mook could have been crying to any Pook but he would recognise that voice anywhere.
"Mook..." he stared at her and noticed the changes. Her belly had swollen and grown to a massive size. At most, it could only be a fortnight until she gave birth. The rest of her, however, had shrunk. Her cheeks were sunken, the skin of her wings and legs was stretched against her bones. She was starving to death.
Tears filled Pook's eyes. He had let her down, his imprisonment had caused her all this pain; not only months of anxious worrying but this physical suffering.
Mook wrenched herself free from the guard's grasp and ran to Pook. She collapsed with fatigue into his wings and sobbed, rocking back on forth, on his shoulder. Pook stroked her back, feeling the jutting spine beneath her tattered dress. He breathed in the smell of her, oily fish and fresh breeze, sea salt and warm stew.
He looked up. The guard was walking towards them, hesitantly, wondering whether he should tear the couple apart, drag Mook to another cell.
Pook met his eyes. The guard looked away, not wanting to meet a gobux's gaze. He looked over both of his shoulders. There were no other guards in sight. He stared at Pook for a moment then nodded. He locked the gate and left without looking back.
A guard had shown a gobux kindness, had seen that the gobux had feelings and family and was just like him. Pook could barely believe it.
"Oh Pook," Mook eventually pulled away from him. They stared into each other's eyes, both noticing new lines of worry and misery on the other, "Oh Pook, I thought you were dead. Or- or that you'd left us..." Mook looked away, ashamed.
Pook only smiled, "How glad I am to see you, Mook. Even here." But, while he was desperately glad to see his Mook he had to know, "The goblets. Where are they?"
Mook's face fell, "I'm sure- I think- I hope they're alright." Pook's heart nearly stopped, "I was taken in by an old widowed Mook in the slums- there are gobux slums, did you know?" Pook nodded, "The goblets and I have been living with her. She has been so very kind... I'm sure she'll look after the goblets now."
Pook breathed more easily again. How he would have loved to have held his goblets again but really, he was relieved that they were not in this evil place. The gobux sounded good; she would care for them until they got out, "You had me worried there, Mook! I thought you'd still been living on the step and the goblets would have been left there when they got you!" he frowned and asked, "What did they get you for?"
"Stealing." Mook murmured. Pook saw how wounded her pride was and how much it hurt her to admit it to him, "Why are you here?"
"The same." he told her, then wondered why he lied. To make her feel better? He hated to see her unable to meet his eyes for shame. He had stolen too; anyone would have in their situation. Perhaps it was because he didn't understand why gobux magic was illegal and didn't want to have to wonder it all through with her as well.
"I made a charm." Pook said, putting his wing into the pocket of his rags. The guards had been so intent on beating and bullying him when they dragged him to the jail that they had forgotten to take the magical object itself from him. He had hidden it in his pockets all the time he was in jail, carefully keeping it secret from the guards and the other inmates.
Now he handed it over to Mook, covering it with his wing so that nobody could see it. He wouldn't put it past some of his thuggish cellmates to snatch it, worthless as it was.
Mook widened her eyes, querying. She took the object and felt it between her wings, "A charm." she stated.
"Yes. A birth charm, for your litter." It seemed silly to Pook now that he had tried to make a charm, especially as it had landed him in prison. He tried to explain himself, "Back on the cliff, the Koog would have made one, and I just thought it would be strange-"
Mook gave him a look and he fell silent. She smiled, "Thank you, Pook. This charm is precious to me. It is important." She placed it around her neck, beneath her grubby dress. Pook took Mook's wing in his own and squeezed it. Everything felt alright now.


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303 Reviews


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Sun Mar 31, 2013 4:37 pm
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StoneHeart wrote a review...



Okay, so from what I get here Pook is like 'father' and Mook is like 'mother'?

Like a social position? Right?

It's just kinda hard to hold on to without you explaining it (Ding, ding, the problem again) seeing as you call the main character Pook (His rank/position in stead of his name.

But good work again, this was interesting and enthralling, again, and your grammar and style were amazing, again!

All right though, this feels like it's not really on it's way anywhere though, I don't have the slightest inkling of where this story is going to be going, as a story! Obviously Pook wants to help his family and give them a better life! But is there going to be more to the story? Is he gonna save the world or something?

Really, I want to feel that this story is gonna have the main character do something dramatic and important in the world. If you don't want to totally reveal it to your readers then just hint it, just give us a vague idea, maybe he's always had a dream of making the gobux's more prominent, giving them a proper place in society? Something like that, it makes the story so much more enjoyable!

Anyway! Great work again!

Keep writing!

~Black~




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Sun Mar 31, 2013 10:34 am
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Big Brother wrote a review...



Oh look, there's another chapter ;)

I am confused by the part: He had made just one friend; another gobux. He was a little older than Pook and was called Pook Gidunp.

I don't know if it's a typo or if Pook is a pre-name given to all gobuxes and something our narrator chose to call himself? Just thought I'd point it out!

Ah, I think I am beginning to understand! It works much in the way that Mook does - I like that.

In that case, I have little to criticise in this chapter. The dialogue is well placed, you introduce news of these gobux slums with ease and the reader knows it's a plot element, but it doesn't jump out as one.

You've got a very interesting way of writing, but you enact it so smoothly that it quickly starts to feel familiar and it's a great way to show us that the gobuxes are different, but the same as well. The interaction with the guard was a nice added touch of this and I think you're doing really great. The only thing I'd maybe ask for more of is description, but by that I mean tiny specifics. You have a good sweeping eye so we know where we are and what the scene looks like, but I'd love little details of objects, like what his new friend wears? Is there a particular word scratched into the wall that his attention attaches to?

It seems to me two months is a long time to be in a single room and even with his grieving, I'd like to see more familiarity with the most minor of details. A flag stone that is slightly raised. A corner which is favoured by the bigger prisoners as it has an extra hour of light streaking through the cramped, high up barred windows at night?

If you could get in a few extra details like that, then you'd have me one hundred percent enthralled.

Keep writing!





You're a hairy, wizard!
— EllieMae