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Young Writers Society



Gorbak the Gobux Chapter 7

by guineapiggirl


Chapter 7
Pook's blood ran cold. Was this old, half-dead gobux about to betray one of his own kind? Tell them where he was and sentence him to years in jail and the loss of a hand, sentence his family to certain starvation? Surely he would not...
"Where?" the chief guard barked. The gobux remained silent. The guard bellowed, screaming, spraying spit. He grabbed the gobux by the scruff of his neck and shook him, "Tell me where! Tell me where or I'll kill you!"
"Kill me?" the old gobux chuckled, "Don't you see, you and your cronies have already killed me, along with our city. No, kill me. Go on. All you'll do is spare me a few more days of pain."
"What do you want?" the guard whispered.
"Food." the gobux stated simply, "Or just a few pennies to buy some food. I'm starving to death."
The guard kicked him in the stomach. The gobux retched. He would have vomited if there was anything inside him to vomit.
"You'll tell us where he is or I'll get it out of you through force!" the guard hissed threateningly. Pook crawled further back onto the roof. He didn't want to look, and he knew he had to get far away before the old gobux gave in and told them where he was hiding. He jumped onto his feet as lightly as he could then tiptoed off, leaping onto the neighbouring roof. He could hear the guards' heavy boots impacting with the poor old gobux's frail skin and the yelps and squawks of pain he was making. He winced, as if the blows were to him, knowing that if he didn't get away quickly they would be.
"Tell us! Tell us and we'll let you go, leave you to bleed to death in peace!" the guard mocked. The rest of the Malicia jeered.
Pook couldn't hear whether the gobux told them or not. He knew he would have, after a beating like that, although likely as not the gobux would be too winded to speak.
"To the roofs, lads! Quickly!"
Pook didn't wait to hear them drag themselves up. He leapt from the building on to the street below, stretching his tiny wings out as far as they'd go to break his fall a little.
He landed on the street and stood a moment, panting, while he recovered, then set off sprinting into the night.
He'd escaped arrest. He'd escaped! Pook felt filled with a new love for life. He skipped and danced, singing, but quietly (the guards still weren't far off). When he'd danced a little way, attracting the odd curious look from those in the streets, he stopped, convinced he was safe. He crouched down in the doorway of an abandoned old house and took the beads, feathers, ribbons and string from his pocket. He looked left and right; the street was busy but there were no guards in sight.
First, he tied the string to the stalk of the seagull feather. He muttered under his breath as he did so, occasionally clicking his tongue,
"Kinneeba muwokena druknapeeb eskaneed cluck tut cluck, urukenda nakeebu wamokwab tut tut cluck."
Was it just the light as the sun came out from behind a cloud or did the feather really glimmer, did the string momentarily flash blue?
Pook continued with the small amount of magic the Koog had taught him as he threaded the beads on one by one, tying crewd little knots to keep them all in place. He took the parrot feather (he didn't know what it would do, but it looked interesting) and tied it on with the ribbon, then he wrapped the ribbon in and out of the beads.
He smiled when he was done, satisfied with his work. Certainly, it was not as good as the Koog's, but it would suffice. He murmured and clucked the last little bit of the incantation:
"Kuwooda cluck bukunda cluck remokwa cluck neebeskaneed ukwooni edsinik cluck cluck cluck!"
The completed charm rose out of his hands and spun around in the air a few times before falling back into his hands. It was done; he had finished the birth charm for the goblets Mook carried.
He smiled. Tomorrow, he would renew his search for a job with new vigour. He and Mook would make a success of their life in the city yet.
"There he is!" Pook jumped at the shout and looked up. A merchant was running down the street, a guard following him, "There's the little slimeball that was doing the magic; there, right there!"
The merchant was pointing at him. There was pure hate written on his features, abhorrence and hatred. The guard's sword was outstretched.
Pook was confused. The merchant was shouting that he was using magic, but whatever was wrong with that? Why was the guard after him; he couldn't be one of the ones who had chased him for stealing. As far as these men knew, he had done nothing wrong.
Pook was so confused and surprised that he didn't think to run until the guard was metres from him with arms outstretched. Pook stumbled to his feet too late; with one blow to the back of his head he was sprawed back on the floor.
The guard stooped and grabbed him by the wing, "Do you have a license for using magic? Have you a degree from the University?" the guard chuckled at the thought of a gobux going to university, then chuckled even harder when he saw Pook's blank stare, "No? Well then, it looks like I'll be taking you to the jail!"
Pook couldn't comprehend it, "I don't understand. What have I donne wrong?"
"You," the guard hissed with contempt in his voice, "Have used magic with no license or degree and that is punishable by an undetermined jail sentence." the guard considered, "How does ten years sound?"
Pook's mouth dropped open. He shook his head, "Please, my Mook and goblets..."
"You ought to have thought of them before you broke the law!"
"But I didn't know it was against the law!" Pook protested, "And I don't see why it is! I don't understand why I shouldn't be allowed to use my natural talents-"
The guard struck him a hard blow to the beak, "Do you dare to question the justice system of Baluchinople?"
"I'm not questioning it. I'm outright saying it's wrong!" Pook struggled to get the words out through his bleeding, bruising beak.
"You are an ignorant gobux; what you think is of no consequence." The guard pulled him up roughly by the wing, "You're going to pay for your insolence in that jail!"
"Please, can't I tell my Mook first? She'll be devastated if I don't go back and imagine that all sorts of atrocities have befallen me!"
The guard only laughed at his request. Pook began to cry. He couldn't believe that he had escaped arrest for his stealing only to be taken to jail for using his gobux magic!
If this was justice, he didn't like it.


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Sun Mar 31, 2013 9:52 am
Big Brother wrote a review...



Hello again! I liked your last chapter so much that when I saw your next was also in the green room, I simply had to have it. So here I am.

Oh so the old Gobux is on the ground down below? At the end of the last chapter it seemed like he was on the rooftop with Pook. I'm not sure if that was me misreading, but I think you just described him as being in the shadows? Maybe re-check that and add some clarity if needs be.

You've got a quick spelling typo in there - crewd should be crude - but for the most part, this is another smooth chapter. I like that you put the 'clucks' into the dialogue as that helps us make some sense from a line that would otherwise have meant nothing. That's a nice trick of breaking it up and keeping your reader engaged, good stuff!

I think I'd have liked to see Pook grovel and beg more at the end, but on the other hand I wouldn't. It would be more in keeping with the character you have presented to us, the one who thinks in his head how quickly he would give someone away when being beaten, but I almost like that differing between thoughts and actions. I suppose what I'm saying is I haven't read enough chapters to feel justified in telling you what your character would or wouldn't do, but if I point out something I'm unsure about, you can consider it in light of the earlier and later chapters and your greater knowledge of Pook.

Keep writing!




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Sun Mar 17, 2013 6:08 pm
arianaSarroyo wrote a review...



Hello... I'm wonder why this has no comments? :O

Anyway, on to the poem. You have a nice idea here. The figurative language is good, the imagery is okay. However, I did detect a few problems. There are a few grammatical and spelling errors, it appears. What does "Donne" mean?

Other than that, I don't really have much else to say to critique your work.




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Sun Mar 17, 2013 8:55 am
guineapiggirl says...



Ooops, sorry, submitted this one twice!





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