Young Writers Society

You've created a very realistic family! I like it. There are a couple things that I would like to suggest. Some of the commas could be revised to fit the story better.

"'Coming mom,' Sam yelled back. Normally, if his mother..."

"His father looked at him and said, 'Son, you need to...'"

"George, Sam's brother, looked up and said, 'but not me, right Mom?'"

It isn't a big deal, though. It's still readable. I like the use of 'cascading' and 'mischievous knot'. If I may say so, the story could use a bit more suspense. I would suggest an argument between the brothers that may escalate into physical violence. You could end the prologue with a black eye or something along those lines. (If you don't like this idea, pay no heed to it. I don't care.)

This story has potential. It just needs a little support. Maybe develop the characters a bit more. You could draft a plot too if that's you thing. I hope this helps!

This isn't really an interesting prologue. There is nothing that stands out in this story. It's just a plain normal family having lunch. You could have extended it, or infused funny remarks into it to get readers interesting in the succeeding story. Please, don't be offended, but this is what we do here. We define your mistakes to help you make your writing better. So, here is my review:

Only by reading the first two paragraphs, I can see that your use of comma is very lacking.

Corrections:
"Sam!" His mother's voice echoed through the house.

This is the beginning of the whole story, and it would be best if you don't add the 'His mother's voice echoed through the house'
It should be:
"Sam!"
"Coming mum"Sam yelled back... The following text identifies his mum as the caller, thus, making 'His mother's voice echoed through the house' absolutely irrelevant.

There should be a full stop after "Sam yelled back". Then the succeeding part should be another sentence. In fact, I cannot address all the mistakes in that paragraph in speech. So I'll rewrite it and capitalize the corrected parts:

"Coming mum" Sam yelled back. Usually, WHENEVER his mother called him, it was either he HAD done something wrong or he WAS GOING TO BE COMMENDED FOR SOMETHING HE DID RIGHT; THE FORMER OCCURRED MORE OFTEN THAN THE LATTER.

"It's time for lunch." His fears RESIDED (past tense) AT HER RESPONSE. But that would mean...

He glanced ('involuntarily' is unnecessary here. It doesn't even make sense within this context) at the clock and saw that it was 12 o'clock already. He had been dozing all that time...(I do not understand what was written here. It's very confusing)... He got on his feet sleepily and pulled back the black curtains. THE WINDOW LET IN THE BRIGHT SUNLIGHT WHICH CASCADED DOWN UPON SAM.
He put on his clothes and walked down the stairs.

HE GREETED HIS MUM, DAD, AND BROTHER GOOD MORNING, AS HE SAT DOWN AT THE TABLE. AFTER STARING AT HIS FOOD FOR A WHILE, he began to eat it.

This is where I'll stop. All you need to know is that:
1) End your quotes with full stops if they are sentences. E.g. "I don't like it(.)"Andy replied.
2) Learn to use commas and full stops when needed.
3) By reading many novels, you'll be able to level up your writing skills and conquer punctuational inaccuracy. You can also read the works I've written. That way, you could understand my point and I can continue to help you (and vice versa) in attaining ideas and reachng literary perfection.

Hey, jordin!

First of all, before I go into any detail about the content, I would just like to ask: Where's all your punctuation? Your paragraphs are all just run on sentences!

Also, the purpose of a prologue is to introduce characters as well as give the reader an idea of what your story is going to be about. Your beginning needs to draw the reader in, make them want to read more. This prologue doesn't quite do this. It. All you're really doing is describing what seems like a normal morning for the main character. I recommend changing something to make him or his lifestyle a bit unique, which will make character development easier in the future. Make the story exciting. Prologues shouldn't be to packed with information though. Just start to introduce the plot of the story, because, no offense, but with the way it's going now, you might as well call your story "A normal day in the life of the average kid, Sam."

This story has potential, trust me. It just needs a bit of work and devotion. Good luck, and I hope you continue to work on this!

-Alexa

Hi jordin!

What is this. Seriously. What is it. No, I'd really like to know. I'm curious now. This has no semblance of plot whatsoever, no indicator of anything, it's just... bleh. A boy named Sam walks down to have lunch/breakfast, is scolded by his mother because he argues with his brother. Just... what. Tell me, does this sound like anything you've ever read before? It seems like a bad opening to a novel, but surely not a chapter. It's just... ridiculous.

It's so short it doesn't allow for time for characterization -- though I doubt you ever thought about something as complex as that. Furthermore there's no description. This is bland. Very bland. You should seriously consider things like what objects (and people) look like, sound like, smell like, and so forth. I know, it may be hard for you, but it helps.

Your grammar is also horrible.

“Coming mom” Sam yelled back, normally if his mother called him it was either something he done wrong or something he had done right but normally it was something that he had done wrong she said “it’s time to have lunch” his fears reside after she said that but that would mean.