This is cute I like the detail and I think you should write more of it. It has the potential to turn into a really cute love story. The word "outshone" was the only thing that stopped me from reading this piece for a moment. It didn't sit well with me but that's the only thing that bothered me. I like the last sentance, I just think that it should pack more of a punch and lead into whatever is to come. Maybe make the reader have to think about what's going to happen next for the boy. Good job
Sarah
Points: 2238
Reviews: 21
Donate