Young Writers Society

Hi! Great poem. Definitely for a good cause. I think, since you ended it with " The fall of the twin towers" I think it would sound better if that's how you started it, to. Just a suggestion. A few minor errors, try changing the format a bit, that's about it. Keep up the good work!

What are the twin towers

Is this a poem or a chapter of a story or something.

Very nice rime here and good grammar.

Keep Writing.

Hi Megz and welcome to YWS! I hope you join in and review soon!

Ariana caught some errors, but I think there's a couple more. "morn" should be "mourn" and "apart" should be "a part". "Terrorist" should be plural, and "There" should be "their".

Now, here's my honest opinion of this piece: It's nice. It sounds like it could be read at a 9/11 memorial assembly and received well. If that's all you were going for, then it's good. But I don't feel much emotion coming from it, even though it's an emotional subject. There's little here that couldn't be said by virtually any American.

To improve this, I'd add more imagery. If you have some personal connection to 9/11, include it. If not, I might focus this on one story that you heard that touched you enough to write this. With a subject like this where a lot of the images/emotions are commonly felt and expressed, it's more powerful if you can put a unique spin on it. You might have to ditch the rhyme scheme to do this, but the piece will be stronger.

Also, there seem to be some factual errors. The "before evening's call" seems strange when it's well known that the Towers fell in the morning. Also, I was confused by the "shallow grave" line. Did you mean the victims or the terrorists? Bin Laden was buried at sea, so it was definitely not a shallow grave. Make this more clear or cut it.

Overall, this piece is okay, but it doesn't add anything new to how we look at 9/11. It would be interesting to be more specific. Good job and keep writing!

Megz,
I really love this! Most of the poems on here involve the meaning of love or something similar. Yet yours goes so deeper! It's about something that we all feel pain for. I love the line 'But the terrorists were the ones who were rotten'. So, not only do you give a loving poem but you also supply us with information about it. Just from reading this, I can easily assume that two buildings "twin towers" have been destroyed. I can tell that many lives were lost but "not forgotten". I can also tell terrorists were the ones who caused this. I believe you have lot of talent. How long did it take you to write this? I wish I had even a fourth of your talent. I can't wait to see your next piece!

Reviewed.
RedApril29th.

Hello there Megz. I liked this poem, even though it was depressing. The way you wrote it was creative and it served as a lovely tribute. Now, on to the substance. Reading this is a bit of a challenge. Here's why: there are no stanzas. You may want to fix that. In addition, there are some grammar and spelling errors to speak of. For example, you say "we morn", we shatter. 'Tis not apart of this matter." You should say we "mourn" with a U, we shatter, 'tis not a part (two words) of this matter. Next you say "there" grave more shallow then the waters bay. This line was unique, however contained many grammatical errors.

it should say, "Their graves)
more shallow THAN (then is implying a sequence of events, than is more of a comparison word.
Water's bay-you would not say waters bay, implying multiple waters. You also said "the TTs didn't have to pay". Shouldn't that say
DID have to pay,
pay for this tragic plot.
And they will never be forgotTEN.

Other than that, pretty good job, I'd just read it again for grammatical errors.