Young Writers Society

These actually remind me of the songs I write, except, I don't write rap. So if these weren't rap they'd be like, the same.

I noticed a few grammar mistakes like you said, nothing major, just misuse of certain words that can be tricky to use like 'your' and 'you're'. I mean I get them confused all the time. Just like 'its' and 'it's'. You have some capitalization errors and forgot some apostrophe's in some places, but those are just some minor errors.

Now the lyrics. I understand that I may not get rap, but the rhymes sound kinda I don't know, forced or something. I know that these were probably spur of the moment. Like, 'Ah write this down, it's good! I don't want to lose this thought.' But honestly when it comes to songwriting for me, I don't write them all in one sitting. I let the lyrics come to me when they will.

Like I was cleaning one day and boom, I had a great idea for a chorus of a song. And of course I dropped everything and wrote it down. But I've also found that sitting down and forcing myself to write a song, makes it sound terrible.

When I rhyme, I sometimes use words that sound similar but don't actually rhyme. Somehow they still flow pretty good, and don't sound as if you're trying too hard.

An example of something I've written that uses this is,
'I don't want another love story,
Don't want none of that misery.'

They don't exactly rhyme, but they still sound pretty good together.

I don't know exactly how helpful this will be, I pretty bad at this whole review thing. But I hope you'll take some of the things I said into consideration.

And keep rapping my friend, keep on rapping.

~Fantasy

Hello! guineapiggirl here to review these little raps! Bit cheeky uploading three separate raps in one piece, but there we are.
I sort of hate most rap. Apart from the really good stuff. Some of it, when you see it written down on paper, is incredible poetry and stuff. But I hate the rap where they know they're just saying it really quick so no-one can actually hear their words and what they're saying doesn't make sense.
I'll review this just as a poetry piece.
So, the first one:

I'm not saying your mine
For you're words are so fine

I had to scream a little bit when I read this. You've got both your and you are wrong! Both of them! How can you do that? I'm almost impressed.
Anyway. The your should be you're, because it's you are abbreviated.
The you're should be your because the words belong to the person, so it's a possessive your.
I noticed loads of these mistakes littered throughout the piece and also loads of times when you got it right. Please just learn the rule, it's not hard and you just need to think about it for a split second!

If I'm honest, most of your rhymes are pretty basic and many are obviously forced. If this was a poem it would be pretty rubbish, but as a rap it's ok. You've got some good rap themes going here.
So basically, I don't like these pieces and think your rhymes aren't great, but they're fine considering most pieces in their genre and basically they're a lot better than some raps.
OK. Sorry to be harsh.
Hope i've helped a little.