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The One's Who Understand-Chapter Two

by LittleCaroleen


Chapter Two

Jessie quickly followed me into the bathroom. I was in there crying, because I was so angry at him. I wanted to smash the mirror, and tear everything apart, but instead I just sat there and cried like a child.

“What was that?” She asked.

“That stupid kid. Here he comes acting like some kind of gentleman offering me a dance. Then he mocks me, and talks about his bad boy status. Ugh! I can’t believe him.”

Right then and there Isaac burst through the door.

©©©

To tell a story truthfully, you should tell it from all different sides. This part is Isaac’s story, and it’s just as important as mine.

Isaac and I have been in school together for as long as I can remember. I always saw his name, but never once was I able to match it to a face. Every year, he somehow looked different in an unrecognizable way. I remember people telling me that he had a crush on me. They would say stuff like “Isaac’s in love with you!” and I never knew who they were talking about. He would always leave me strange notes, always signed I.H, up until about my 7th grade year. That’s when everything changed for Isaac.

Isaac was adopted. He knew his real parents couldn’t take care of him, and easily accepted his adoptive parents. He had 3 brothers, all which were his adoptive parents’ biological kids. They were a very happy and loving family, and Isaac was there pride and joy.

Well in 7th grade Isaac had gone over to his friend’s house and stayed the night. There was some faulty wiring in the house, and there was a huge explosion. All of the family he knew was burned alive. The judge had reunited him with his birth mother after the incident. There was a good reason why she gave him up for adoption, and he really should have gone into a foster home.

His real mom was a mess. She was only 15 when she had Isaac, and decided that she should give him up for adoption to better his life. She didn’t make it very far. Although she graduated with a 4.0 GPA, Isaac’s mom never had any motivation to do much more with her life. She married Isaac’s father at 19, and when she was 22 he cheated on her with a man. When he left her, he left in the middle of the night. She awoke to find a note that said, “Our love is real, but our attraction is not.” That was the last she heatd from him. She never fully recovered from it.

Even after he left, she still called herself Mrs. Lola White. Mrs. White liked to chain smoke and inject heroin between her toes. She bleached her hair blonde, and kept pink streaks in it. She lived with a man who went by Smokey. They lived together in a small, ugly yellow trailer. People called her “the town whore”, and they called Smokey “the town drunk”. They were the perfect couple if you asked me.

It’s interesting how they had gotten custody of Isaac, and I’m not really sure why the court allowed it. His life went all downhill from there. He started cussing, smoking, and drinking. He never tried the heroin, because he saw how much that ruined his mom’s life. His grades dropped and he was put into special classes that he was way too smart for.

He lost all of his old friends after that. Isaac met some new friends, and they liked trouble. The police would always blame him for something, just because there was no one else to blame. Everybody stopped giving him chances, and started labeling him as the bad kid. Eventually he got it together and stopped causing some trouble. In order to stay away from his mom and Smokey, he spent a lot of time at the park, listening to music, playing with kids, and trying to do anything to make a better name for himself.

He’s never been able to make any good friends after everything that happened, and he still carried around all of those false labels. Nobody had given him a chance since they found out who his real mom was. He was the town’s bad boy and always would be.

©©©

“Could you tell me what that was back there?” He asked. There wasn’t much anger in his voice. He seemed very calm, actually

“Get out! Don’t you know this is the Ladies room!?” I yelled.

He came closer to me, “Ha! That’s funny, because I don’t see any ladies in here, except for maybe our Jessica over here. She knows how to treat a man right. So, darling tell me, what’s with the freak out back there?”

I know I over-reacted here. I started shouting, “Get out! Look, I’ve heard the rumors and I know the stories. Everybody knows the stories. Don’t think you can make a fool out of me, Sick Isaac! Get out of here, now!”

Jessie stood there shocked, unsure of what to do. The other ladies that were in there had ran out long ago. Many people were crowded around the bathroom door, eavesdropping, not sure if they should interfere or not. Mostly, people were wondering why a man would enter into the wrong bathroom. Jessie went and hid behind me, scared she might get hurt somehow.

He started laughing, “Haha. You silly child. You listen to rumors and believe that they’re true. But there’s so much more than you know. Things you couldn’t even comprehend. You’re a very rude dance partner. I’ve done nothing except be nice to you. Of course the incident in the park was my mistake. It wasn’t my business to interfere with your problems. I do extend my full apology to you. Thank you for the dance, even if it was shorter than I expected.” He tried to grab my hand and kiss it.

“Don’t touch me!” I pulled away.

“Haven’t you been hostile long enough? You know anger will only turn you ugly, and it would be an absolute shame if that happened. I’m sorry to have ruined your life. I’ll be leaving now.”

He was halfway out the door, and then turned around and said, “Oh by the way, this might hear interesting rumors for the next couple of days, because everybody is outside listening.”


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303 Reviews


Points: 11152
Reviews: 303

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Fri Mar 01, 2013 9:28 pm
StoneHeart wrote a review...



Okay, I read the first chapter of this story a little while ago and believe I commented on it . . .

Again, good work.
This was an impressive story, and I enjoyed it a lot.

You wrote 'heatd' at one spot instead of 'heard'. Small typo. Other than that I can't find any spots where you need much work. Overall your grammar is quite good.

If there are other problems with it, then I'll leave them to other users to pick out for you.

Your idea.
Okay, it seems great. If not totally original. It as potential, I can see this going somewhere.

Did I mention I have a brother named Isaac who soooo reminds me of your Isaac?

Nice work with your characters.
You used your explaining card well, that was nice.

Ah, you could really use a bit more explanation in here. I know, I know, I say that a lot, but you really could use it!

Not kidding.

Just more detail on what people look like, how surroundings look like, the like.

Your plot
Ah, the plot is a bit hard to get this early on, but I'm liking the way it's going overall.

Now, keep writing. No writer ever got better by just reading books ;)




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179 Reviews


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Reviews: 179

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Fri Mar 01, 2013 5:30 pm
guineapiggirl wrote a review...



Hi. Guineapiggirl here to review! First though, welcome to YWS.
I haven't read the first chapter of this but I gather the girl has a problem, he tried to help her then they were dancing and she got stressy for some reason? And Jessie's her friend.
My first point is the title:

The One's Who Understand

This means either The One is Who Understand, which makes no sense, or Who Understand belonging to The One. This also makes no sense.
I'm pretty sure you meant The Ones Who Understand. You got it right in the title of your first chapter.
Other than that, your writing style is pretty good. YOu've got good sentence structure, spelling, grammar etc. I could find pretty much no mistakes in there.
the whole scene in the bathroom is wellwritten but I have a few little issues to point out with it.
Firstly, I don't like the way you chop right in the middle to this great big long backstory. It's not suspenseful enough to be interesting and it's just a bit annoying. I've got a problem with the whole backstory, as a matter of fact, but I'll get to that in a minute...
I also think the whole speech is a bit far-fetched and not very realistic. They're just saying all sorts of things that I don't really think people would actually say. When the girl starts going on about all the rumours about him that's just mean, and all that really kind of polite stuff he says when he's meant to be a 'bad boy', as you say in your description of the work. I don't get it...
I also don't really like the whole character of Isaac. The whole way he acts, through the scene in the bathroom, and throughout the whole backstory just seems really unrealistic.
Now onto the backstory. I don't think you should tell us all of this straight away. Firstly how does she at this point in the story know all of this stuff if she can barely put his face to his name, and also you've kind of ruined the whole the readers finding out he'd not as bad as he seems (although he doesn't seem really bad).
Also, you say that you don't understand why they gave a child who'd been given up for adoption into the custody of a woman who lives in a trailer and injects heroin into her feet.
Seriously, I don't understand either. I don't think it would happen. She's given the kid up for adoption, and she's a heroin addict living in a trailer.
So, there needs to be some sort of reason why they did get custody, otherwise us readers just aren't believing it.
ALso your description of her:

Mrs. White liked to chain smoke and inject heroin between her toes.

Ooh, that's pretty bad.

She bleached her hair blonde, and kept pink streaks in it.

Irresponsible parenting... I think not. Coming after your description of her drug problem this made me laugh. I don't know if you meant it to sound like this but it sounds like you're saying the hair dying is as bad as the drug-taking. It's just the ordering of it.

In conclusion, you've got a very good writing style but I think your story could do with a fair bit of work.

I hope I've helped :D






Adressing one part in the review: His mom is about 30 years old, which is why it's weird that she has pink streaks in her hair. She's supposed to be trashy. I'm not saying that dying your hair like that is trashy, but it is a little atrocious if you think about a 30 year old women bleaching and dying her hair.




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