Hexodynamic - Chapter Three: Into the Attic

by BenGrange

Published February 27, 2013

E - Everyone

In Hexodynamic

Chapter Three

Into the Attic

His letter stated that, should I be worthy, I would find the keys to this adventure hidden in locations on the farm. The letter wasn’t the only item in the envelope, however. A pad of paper with nothing but numbers was enclosed as well.

He didn’t explain what the numbers meant, and I was afraid to show it to my parents, for fear of them asking too many questions and squelching my chance for adventure. So I read. I looked up books in the library about codes, forms of secret communication and the like. Back then we didn’t have tools like the internet for quick research—this project took me a long while.

Ω

“I heard the voice again earlier,” Rian whispered to Blake as they cleaned up from dinner.

“Where did you hear it?” Blake asked, wiping crumbs from the table.

“In the kitchen, and then again at the bee shed.”

“You went out to the woods again, eh?”

“The voice led us out there,” Rian replied quietly as they folded the tablecloth. He glanced over his shoulder into the kitchen to make sure Val and Kathlene couldn’t hear. “Val still doesn’t believe me.”

“Well, what has it been telling you? And how many times have you heard it?” Blake asked. He grabbed the wicker broom from its resting spot in the corner and began sweeping under the table.

“I don’t know, maybe ten times?” Rian said. “She mostly says nonsense.”

Blake looked into Rian’s eyes, amused. “It’s a she, then?”

“The voice is a girl.” Rian opened the armoire and deposited the tablecloth inside. “I don’t know what she wants because she just speaks gibberish. But we can definitely rule out bugging—I think it’s a real ghost.”

“Bugging?” Blake asked.

“You know, when someone plants a recording device in a room. It could have explained my bedroom, but I hear it all over the farm.” If only I could have found that key, I’d know what she wanted me to find in the attic. He had looked for the key for three hours without success. Val had given up after about twenty minutes, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

That frightened him slightly. Maybe someone murdered her up there, and she wants me to find out who did it, he thought.

“Hmm.” Blake stopped sweeping the floor and stroked his moustache. “Yes. Well, I think I’ve solved the problem of your ghost.”

“Really?” Rian asked, taken aback. “What is it, then?”

“I can’t tell you that, son; you have to figure it out on your own! However, I doubt she’ll say anything else to you.”

“How can you tell?” Rian asked.

Blake leaned down next to Rian’s ear, and whispered, “Magic.” He winked. “The question is this: do you want to hear her again? If you don’t, then the voice won’t come.”

Rian was silent as he swept the pile of dirt into the dustbin. “So, you believe me then? I’m not just dehydrated or something?”

“I believe something is going on in your head that you need to solve. You’ve experienced nightmares that you need to come to grips with. And for you to do that, you need to confront them. Now run along and wash up—there’s plenty to do before the sun goes down.”

Ω

 

Rian rolled over on his bed. He lay there, only subconsciously aware of his surroundings. A dim light was keeping him from falling completely asleep. Why didn’t I turn off the night light earlier? He thought sleepily, rolling over again and trying to get comfortable, too tired to get out of bed.

Then he slowly opened his eyes, confused. He didn’t remember having a night light.

Rian glanced across the room at his window. An unnatural pale, blue glow flowed into his room from outside. He threw his covers off and jumped out of bed, heart pounding as he approached the window.

A small blue orb floated on the other side of the glass, swirling in white wisps of smoke and mist as it slowly bobbed up and down. Rian squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing them with his fists. When he opened them, the light was gone.

Rian shook his head and took a step closer to the window, searching the dark grounds of the farm. Light from the moon outlined the yard, but there wasn’t a trace of the blue glow.

“I need to see a shrink.” Rian turned to go back to bed.

Sho vutshs shua shloattal nus shan Lushs,

Thumsham omsat’n Saum omsh Ushs.

Rian started, looked out the window again, and cocked his head, listening carefully. He thought he heard the voice, but her words seemed mixed together—almost as if she were speaking a different language. She hadn’t been as loud as before, sounding like rustling blades of grass.

Rian placed his palm against the window. “What do you want?” he pled, his whisper fogging up the window.

Val wouldn’t believe him when he told her what he’d seen. She’d raise her eyebrow and smirk as if she knew he was faking it for attention. But he knew he wasn’t seeing things. Something supernatural was trying to contact him—a ghost or spirit of some kind—he could tell.

Out in the dark, a dim light popped into existence near the shed, the same pale, blue glow as before leaking out from underneath a rock. The whispers surrounded his ears again, filling them with the sound of wind—the words still drivel to his ears.

Ush niashsa shes sho shteoam ginns,

Shenus uht ella om tassam giamms.

The light underneath the rock pulsed slowly, growing light, then dim, beckoning him to come outside. Puzzled, Rian thought he understood what the voice wanted him to do, even though he couldn’t understand the language—unlike earlier.

The light continued to pulse, beckoning him outside. Rian’s heart pounded as he tried to decide what to do. According to Uncle Blake, if he wanted it to, the voice would go away. He wasn’t sure, however, that he wanted that. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. Exhaling, Rian opened his eyes.

The light continued to pulse.

“I’m coming,” he whispered.

Pulling on his socks and shoes, Rian glanced up at the clock on his desk. The hands still pointed to 7:20, and he could barely hear the faint tock, tock, tock, tock it made as the second hand ticked back and forth. He grabbed his jacket and quietly left his bedroom. Walking down the stairs, Rian stepped over the creaky floorboard and tip toed his way to the door.

Rian approached the pulsing light near the shed, anticipation stirring in his chest. Kneeling down in the grass, Rian lifted the stone from the ground and blue light illuminated his surroundings. The light slowly began swirling inward, condensing into a bright, blue ball at the center of the depression left by the rock. Rian shielded his eyes from the brightness as the light continued to swirl, gathering speed. With a tiny pop, the light extinguished, revealing a small silver key.

“That’s where you’ve been hiding,” Rian said as he picked up the key. Ecstatic, Rian rushed into the shed and set up the step ladder near the attic door.

“Please work,” he whispered, sliding the key into the groove of the lock. He felt the tumblers in the mechanism give way as he twisted. The door clicked open, swinging downward. Without hesitation, Rian clambered up the ladder and pulled himself into the attic, ready to solve the mystery of his poltergeist.

When his vision adjusted to the room, his stomach lurched in surprise.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Shady
Review
Shady wrote a review Review · Mar 2, 2013

Hey Ben!

You've uploaded new works! Yay! I'm going to review them... :D

Blake asked, looking over his shoulder to make sure Kathlene and Val were well out of earshot.
~ Lian just said this in the previous paragraph. Maybe make it say something about Blake checking for himself that they were alone, or something.

Okay, I'm going to pause now to say that I love how Blake is taking Lian very seriously, even though I'm not sure whether he actually believes him or not. It's cute.
~~~

Wow.

You've got a knack for suspense. I didn't see any other I'm interested in reading on...

Keep writing!

~Shady

Thanks for noticing that. I went in to fix that part but must not have done it properly (it was 1 am when i did it so I'm not surprised). I'll get to it now. :)

User avatar
dogs
Review
dogs wrote a review Review · Mar 2, 2013

Hello there Ben! We're just going to dive straight into the hard core reviewing here.

Ok, to start things off, as excellent as your dialogue is in your writing, you depend on it sometimes a little too much. You do need some imagery and description to go along with it, otherwise the scenery is nullified because the reader doesn't have any context. You briefly mention that Rian and the Uncle are cleaning up after dinner, but you need to add in a bit about them washing dishes in the sink or however they clean their plates. Or are they clearing plates from the dinner table? And where is his Aunt and Val in comparison to their position? Minor details that will really add a lot to your writing.

"someone murdered her up there"

Her? Where does he assume that the "her" comes from. This just dawned on me after reading it several times that you mean that someone murdered the narrator? Anyways, if so you need to clarify that.

"Rian rolled over on his bed"

Woof woof we just had Rian develop the powers of teleportation as he poofed from the kitchen to his bed. Unless the bed is right next to the dishwasher/ unless Rian's uncle was talking to him on his bed than we have a problem. You need to add in a transition from cleaning up after dinner, to Rian trekking up the stairs or down the hallway to his bedroom/bed/ whatever you choose to describe. But the magical teleportation isn't working for your story ;).

"as it slowly bobbed up and down"

A few too many words in this line. Omit all useless words whenever you can, just say: "as it bobbed up and down."

"making it sound like blades of grass hitting each other as a soft wind blew threw."

This line just sounds incredibly awkward and is bugging me. Firstly, it's awkwardly worded. Secondly, you use boring and overused words in this line when you have an opportunity to use more imaginative and creative words. A good way to help out with this problem is to look up some of the words such as "hitting, soft, and blew" up in a thesaurus and editing thusly. As for the wording, try saying something like: "making it sound like blades of grass rustling gently in the wind."

"she was saying- un like earlier"

The "unlike earlier" bit is unnecessary, cut it out in this sentence.

"Ecstatic, Rian rushed..."

Ecstatic, niiicceeee. I like that subtle reference there. Clever, well done. Lovely chapter, a few more errors in this one but nothing particularly major. Certainly the biggest issue is writing the transition to Rian in his room. Also, I think you should add in the fact that it's the middle of the night and everyone is asleep, because that bit is a little unclear. As always, loved reading it and I'm on to the final chapter! Wish me luck!

TuckEr EllsworTh :smt032

Thanks for the first suggestion. I went back and read it, and the imagery was lacking. I put in a bit more description, so thanks!
As to the second comment, Rian clearly states that he thinks the voice is a girl, and tells his uncle so. So when he's trying to find out what the voice, or "ghost"(in Rian's mind), wanted him to find in the attic, he thinks that her ghost is trying to lead him up there. You're the only person who's had a problem with that part of the story, so I'm not sure what to think about it.
I agree that all unnecessary words need to be taken from the story, but "slowly" describes the motion of the orb. If I take it out, you won't know if the orb is wizzing up and down super fast or if it's slowly drifting outside the window. I hope you see the point.
However, the next comment is spot on. I need to go in and fix that sentence for sure. Thanks for noticing it!



A person is more than their experiences, stacked up like stones... Our best moments are the foundations we use to reach for the sky.
— Yumi and the Nightmare Painter by Brandon Sanderson