Young Writers Society

HI! i don't know the original of this song and I couldn't find it on Youtube so I'll just review this as lyrics unconnected to the- oh wait, i was searchiing for the chocolate song, not the painter song. found it!

these are quite funny lyrics! i think it would be funnier if i knew the song well, but they're good anyway. There's not a lot of content (the only really interesting line is whilst you were eating my nougat center) but there isn't in the original either!

ONe bit that I think needs some work:

We’d be there together,

Just like we used to be.

But differently, you wouldn’t know,

That I, could se.

I, could, see that, you were glad.

But everytime I try.


This whole bit doesn't really have anything to do with chocolate or, well, anything, and feels a bit too vague. I think you need to make it make more sense and be more to do with chocolate

I hope I've helped!

I like it! Especially the commas when you write 'you just eat my center part', it reminds me of a pop song, a very cheerful one. And the topic, can't forget the topic. Reminds me when I'm eating chocolate, I eat the chocolate off first then eat the nougat separately, so I think it's nice that you chose a topic people can relate easily to. And the mood of the lyrics suit it as well with its short, snappy bounciness.

I'm quite sure that if it's possible to put a tune into words then I would have a better base on judging your lyrics (many songs have horrible lyrics that sound amazing when put to music).

All I can say right now is it feels very jazzy, and I love the ending, I can imagine the music fading into silence as the last line is sang. One question: have you got a tune for it? I'm curious. xD

This is just for a contest, so bear in mind that it is not one of my most well-made works :3