z

Young Writers Society


18+ Language Violence

Liberation [Prologue]

by EscaSkye


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.

It was cold, to say the least. The air conditioner was turned on to full blast and he was left there, tied to a chair, half-naked and freezing. They had dunked him into a tub full of ice cold water a few hours ago – they had figured that maybe, this treatment would finally make him give them the information that they had wanted. Unfortunately, they underestimated this man’s bravado.

“He hasn’t been moving around much. Do you think he’s…?”

A man in a khaki military suit twisted his chair to the side. “Lieutenant Colonel, he may be dead. We’ve been keeping him for days on end.”

“Nonsense.”

From the back, another person emerged. He wasn’t like the others – his eyes were stone-cold and his lips were fixed in what looked like a permanent scowl. The way he walked towards them was of authority, his back straight and stance firm. He bent down to study the subject on the monitor. A nerve-wracking smile formed on his lips. Everyone else in the room felt their hair stand on end.

“A lowly dog as he could hide anywhere, even if the area’s hot as hell. If he could handle that, he could handle the cold.” His eyes were transfixed even more on the screen. “Don’t be fooled by someone such as him.”

“If I may suggest, sir, why don’t we go inside and check if we could force him to talk this time around? He’s already been beaten up. This is probably the last thing he could handle.”

The Lieutenant Colonel straightened his posture and crossed his arms. “If you all are going soft, then why don’t I do just that? I don’t think I want to handle any more whines from any of you.”

He turned around and made his way to the door leading to the freezing room. As he placed his hand on the handle, he gazed at his men. “Well, which one of you is coming with me?”

The men looked at one another. One look at their faces and you could already tell that they wanted someone else to go with their superior. Somehow, most likely because of pressure, the newcomer stood up and followed their higher-up into the other room. Once they were sure they couldn’t be heard, everyone else sighed of relief.

“I couldn’t believe we’d be in the devil’s team. He’s young and surely highly capable, but the way he handles his underlings is downright terrifying.” One of them said as he checked the monitor. “Twenty nine years old and already a high ranking officer. His skills are absolutely amazing but I still think some work of politics helped him rise in ranks.”

“Well, whatever the case, we’re stuck with him through this whole operation. We might as well live it down as best we can.”

“Agreed.”

They all turned their attention to the monitors.

Those bastards were too scared to even follow me. I really have to get them to my side.

The Lieutenant Colonel smirked as he stood in front of the half-naked man. He really wasn’t moving, but the Lieutenant knew better.

“So, when are you giving up?”

Both he and the newcomer could hear laughter coming from the tied fellow. It was low at first, but then grew increasingly maniacal. This wasn’t to the officer’s liking.

“What’s so funny?”

“All of you.” The man replied, raising his head to look at the officer in the eye. “You think all this torture will beat my spirit. Well, too bad. You could kill me but I still won’t give any of you any information regarding the group.”

This piqued the interest of the Lieutenant. Something behind his eyes seemed to glow in delight. “You’re sure of what you just said?”

“You think you could make me take back my words?” The man grinned. “Try your hardest so that the drop in your pride would hurt you even more, Lieutenant Colonel Victor Dravis.”

“Oh, don’t worry.” Victor said as he touched the man’s face. “I plan to. I don’t think I’d fail either, just so you know.”

Victor’s smile turned to a grimace. “Private! Untie him from the chair and bind his hands behind him. Use the pulley’s rope.”

“Sir, yes sir!”

The underling proceeded to do as he was bid. Moments later, the man was standing up with his hands behind him. He looked above. He noted the pulley.

Let’s see if this doesn’t get you speaking, rebel.” Victor chuckled. “Hoist him!”

The private began to turn the handle. Slowly but surely, the rebel was being lifted from the floor, arms first. Eventually, they hear one pop, then another. Through this time, the man was screaming in pain but even then, Victor’s smile only grew wider.

“So, tell us where your cohorts are. If you do, I promise we’ll let you down.”

The rebel didn’t stir. He was only hanging there, not moving.

“Did he lose his breath?” The private asked, a little guilty of the act he just did. “Is he dead?”

Victor moved closer to the rebel to gaze at his face. Once he did though, something wet landed on his face. The rebel was smiling – he had just spit on the Lieutenant Colonel.

“Why you – “ Victor’s face was full of anger. “Drop and raise him! NOW!”

Having no power over the decisions made in the operation, the private followed orders. On and on he did it, following Victor’s orders of “Again. Again. Again!”

Finally, after doing it so many times, Victor felt like he won. “Are you still alive, you lowlife? Have you had enough?” Victor’s eyes widened. “Just beg for your life and I will give it!”

“Not… in a million years… will I plead to you.” The rebel struggled to say. “No one of us will ever, EVER, plead to you!”

“What did you say…?”

“If I have to lay down my life for our cause, so be it. I was prepared from the start!” The rebel yelled. “Just remember, Victor, that the rebellion will overthrow the tyranny which you so try to protect like a madman. We will restore freedom to our beloved country, even if there are men like you who try to stop us!

In a final act of rage and likely a lapse of judgement, Victor Dravis found himself pulling out his gun and shooting the rebel right between the jawlines. The bullet made its way out through the cranium and blood was dripping on to Victor’s face, adding even more red to the face of the infuriated man.

“Shit… I lost my composure.” Victor murmured. He saw the private tremble in horror.

“Clean this up.”

Without saying anything more nor looking back, Victor made his way out of the room to where the rest of his men were. Even there, he could see the look of terror on their faces.

“What are you all looking at?!”

Like a child who lost a toy, Victor exited the room and entered the corridor. Stomping his feet as he walked, Victor tried to remove the blood off his face with his uniform sleeve but unfortunately, only made it worse as it smudged.

No one makes a fool out of me… That was the first failure I ever had in my whole military career. I will hunt all of them down. I WILL HUNT ALL OF THOSE REBELS DOWN!

Mark my words… I will save the state from those bastards. I WILL BRING JUSTICE.

Just then, another officer went out of the conference room which was a few feet ahead from where Victor was.

“Oh, Victor – “ The officer stared at the blood on Victor, but decided not to pry about it. He knew when the man was in the mood to talk about it or not. “The meeting will begin shortly.”

“The meeting…?” Victor squinted his eyes.

“About the console the company asked if we were willing to bring into the country… your platoon is in charge of guarding it, remember?”

“Oh, right.” He sighed. “I’m sorry, it slipped out of my mind. I will be there shortly. Let me just… clean this off.”

The two officers nodded and saluted one another. As he walked away to go find the bathroom, Victor’s lips curved into a smile once more.

I won’t fail. I won’t.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
118 Reviews


Points: 629
Reviews: 118

Donate
Mon Feb 09, 2015 9:27 am
View Likes
IceWinifredd wrote a review...



Awesome prologue though the only thing that would've made it even better for me would have been more details and descriptions of the characters, their surroundings, and the murder. Other than that, I really enjoyed reading this and I'm enthralled to read the oncoming chapters behind this story. Please let me know when they are available. You've done a lovely job on this piece. Have an awesome night! -IceWinifredd




EscaSkye says...


Thank you for the compliment. To be honest, I might not update for a while as I'm focusing on another novel I have going, plus I have to rewrite this, but I'll notify you when they're available. Have a good day, Ice! :)



IceWinifredd says...


You're very welcome and I'm glad I could help you out. Until then, I will be waiting and when I have the time, I'll go to your profile and check out your other novel. Have a good afternoon too!



User avatar
494 Reviews


Points: 0
Reviews: 494

Donate
Mon Feb 09, 2015 6:20 am
View Likes
Holysocks wrote a review...



Hey Esca! :3

Interesting to get us hooked using a torture scene! I am actually, well, you're quite good at making me cringe for your characters. The poor things! Oh well, I liked that you opened with torture, for some reason.


“Twenty nine years old and already a high ranking officer. His skills are absolutely amazing but I still think some work of politics helped him rise in ranks.”


I feel like there's a more stiff way to say 'high ranking officer', or a shorter kind of army slang perhaps... but I can't think what that would be. 'High ranking officer in this instance just doesn't seem like the army dudes would be saying, you know?

Also I felt like this bit of dialogue was a bit info-dumpy. It's just seems like too much thoughts freely given about this guy. Though I can understand that it's a bit hard to take your time in a prologue. :-P


“Try your hardest so that the drop in your pride would hurt you even more, Lieutenant Colonel Victor Dravis.”


I'm not sure that we need to hear his full title. The way it's said here almost makes it seem like the guy's teasing him! I don't know, maybe he was teasing him? In the military, I think they mostly go by last names, so it would be more like 'Lieutenant Dravis' but maybe I'm not understanding what you're meaning, as well. :3

they hear one pop, then another. Through this time, the man was screaming in pain but even then, Victor’s smile only grew wider.


Like I said: You're poor characters! XD I want to pat him and tell him it's fine, the pain will be over shortly... but seriously, girl, you sure like making me cringe in pain ( Good job )!

“Did he lose his breath?”


Um... well, dude, were you drowning him, or lifting his entire body weight by his arms? I think he's breathing okay ( Don't mind me, Esca, I'm just chatting with your characters :3 ).

We will restore freedom to our beloved country, even if there are men like you who try to stop us!


I don't think bolding it does much for this line.

“Shit… I lost my composure.”


No, really?! XP Victor sure has the temper.

I'm really hoping that this is going to be following the rebels. I don't know why, I just think that would be really interesting. I'm not sure how exactly they're rebelling, but I'm sure they have a good reason for it, and if not... well that would be interesting too. :-D

Keep it up Esca!!!

-Sockless Holly




EscaSkye says...


Hey, Holy!

Haha, go ahead and chat with them. Who knows -- they might just reply. ;) Thanks for the review and tips! They'll come in handy when I come back to work on this novel.



Holysocks says...


XD You're welcome!



User avatar
81 Reviews


Points: 9485
Reviews: 81

Donate
Sun Aug 31, 2014 3:41 am
Masquerade wrote a review...



Hello, happy Review Day! Well I thought this was a pretty intriguing prologue. Definitely makes me curious about what will happen in the rest of this story. You did a good job of creating tension and a nice hook at the beginning of your story. There's a few things I noticed that could use improvement, though.

First, you use passive voice several times, and it weakens the writing. Active voice is much stronger, and for a piece that's as intense as this it would suit the writing much better.

Second, I would have liked to have seen more of Victor's emotion. Most of what I got about him came from the other men, and though you said he was angry and shooting the man proves he was angry, I didn't feel a lot of anger in the writing. I think some more descriptions that indicate emotion could really strengthen his characterization.

Also, I feel like the way Victor speaks is a bit odd for someone in his position. Sometimes he sounded very formal and militaristic, but sometimes he didn't and it felt a bit inconsistent.

Here's some nitpicks:

"Somehow, most likely because of pressure, the newcomer stood up and followed their higher-up into the other room."

There were a few sentences like this one that just felt rather awkward in how they were phrased. The "most likely because of the pressure" part sounded awkward and then "stood up" and "higher-up" both have the word "up" in them, and that repetition was a bit awkward.

"Those bastards were too scared to even follow me. I really have to get them to my side."

I realized later that this must have been Victor's thoughts, but when I first read this I really had no idea who's thought this was. The second half of the prologue seems to be following Victor, but at the beginning it isn't clear who's point of view this story is going to be following so it was unclear that this was Victor's thoughts.

Overall, an interesting and exciting beginning. I'm very curious about where this story will go, and I think you've got a good start.

Good work and happy writing!

-Masq




EscaSkye says...


Hello, thank you for reviewing! I'll take note of what you've said and improve on it. As for Victor, I was trying to make him seem "trying" in a sense. What I mean by that is, he is a military officer who should sound formal, but at the same time he still is a young man who is in a very mature environment that maybe, not everyone in his age could handle that well yet. As for the passive voice, I wasn't too aware of that, so thank you for pointing that out. I will also try to rephrase the parts you've quoted. I really appreciate your review, thank you again!



User avatar
29 Reviews


Points: 164
Reviews: 29

Donate
Sat Aug 30, 2014 4:23 am
GrinningMan wrote a review...



I will be honest right now, I came here to review for points, but stayed for a captivating prologue. Normally this is out of my comfort zone to read, but I happened to like this work that you've made and I'm happy to have read it. If I wasn't already motivated enough, I am more so now.

Not to mention, this is done very well, better than I could pull off since I don't put much thought. I look forward (truthfully, I do) to see more from you.




EscaSkye says...


Thank you for your kind review! I will try my best to write even better chapters in the future.




I do all of the training for Walgreen’s cashiers.
— The Devil