This her chance! Go Scarlet! See, I'm already rooting for her, and I hope this nice couple adopts her. That voice seems rather sinister though, dispite it's encouraging words. Mr. Slen D. Mann, I presume? ;] This is great, write more soon!!!
Some of the following may be emotionally disturbing for some readers.
Reader's discretion is advised.
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Entry#2 Part#1 ~In the Lunchroom~ 1:36PM
The lunchroom was crowded, loud sounds of forks clanking against dishes, and children laughing and yelling could be heard.
Amongst them all, I sat by myself...Like usual.
Silently eating my lunch in a dark corner, at a small wooden table.
The lunchroom was rather large, the walls painted a sick green, the paint had begun to peel off the walls. The stench was musty and smelled of stale bread, I wrinkled my nose.
Trash scattered around my feet, whenever i would move, my seat would creek and groan. Everyone always ignored me at lunch, than again...people usually ignored me anyway.
I was a nobody, a nothing.
I let out a deep frustrated sigh, shifting in my seat.
At this rate, I was never going to get adopted, who'd want me? A scrawny red-headed child, whom had no talents, was timid, sensitive and weak hearted.
Janet was right, I am a freak.
I closed my eyes, tears gently prickling at my eyelashes.
The clear voices of a man and a woman echoed against the walls, breaking my negative thoughts.
I opened my eyes, my vision was blurred from the tears, I than quickly wiped the liquid away with my raggedy sleeve.
Miss Mary walked in, a young couple steadily followed up behind her.
The woman...She was beautiful, with long wavy blond hair that went down to her shoulders, glistening like strands of gleaming sunlight.
She was wearing a beautifully woven dress with colorful blue and red flowers stitched into the creamy silk, carrying a leather purse, her high heels clip-clopped against the floor as she walked.
The Man was tall and very handsome, wearing a brand name suit and had his hair slicked back with hair-gel, his gaze was confident and clear, he had a clean shave and looked rather professional.
Like I usually did, I turned my attention away from the couple, It wasn't worth it anymore.
I'd been trying for too long, always shot down right from the beginning, no matter how hard I tried it ended all the same. Why bother anymore?
I poked my lunch with a fork, it was the usual, charred meatloaf with slimy greens and mash.
It wasn't that bad, but I wasn't feeling hungry anymore.
I don't want to live my entire life here, mistreated and alone. I'd never make any friends, never get adopted. It's so pointless.
Hush now child, feeling sorry for yourself won't help.
A voice spoke deep within the corners of my mind.
I knew the voice was right, It would only bring more misery to myself. I shouldn't give up yet, no matter what happened to me.
"Scarlet, child come here!" Miss Mary called for what seemed like the hundredth time, her voice sounded hollow and low on patience. Though her appearance remained calm and graceful.
Miss Mary was a frail old woman, with gray hair that resembled straw, her skin was wrinkled like a prune, as if she'd been sitting in water for too long, she wore the classic and plain nun look. The bags under her eyes had begun to form due to many sleepless nights.
She was a kind woman though, maybe not beautiful on the outside but on the inside she was an angel.
"I'm coming!" I said pulling myself up from the dirty bench, trash scattered across the floor as I stood, it made it difficult to walk and I ended up tripping and landed face first onto the concrete ground.
Laughter arisen from the other orphans, I whimpered and scrambled to my feet ignoring the pain from my fall.
"I'm okay!"
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To be continued...
This her chance! Go Scarlet! See, I'm already rooting for her, and I hope this nice couple adopts her. That voice seems rather sinister though, dispite it's encouraging words. Mr. Slen D. Mann, I presume? ;] This is great, write more soon!!!
Hullo, hullo,
You have an interesting piece of work here, though I have yet to read the first section (I will get to that after this review, perhaps!) I can tell you've a great interest in what you're writing. First off, you need to consider your line breaks. Why are you leaving so much space between the lines? We really super don't need it, and don't be afraid of having full paragraphs in your work. You'd find that you have more to each entry if you collated some of your sentences and created more structured paragraphs, leaving room to add more events to each entry.
I'm not sure what kind of entry this is, but I do like that this is about an orphan - who doesn't like stories about an underdog? Not this girl, for sure. So your main character is a little bit flat at the moment. She's like every other protagonist we meet in such stories "oh I'm so boring, no one will ever like me, also I am ugly". It doesn't matter if these are a real person's thoughts, you need to change it up a bit, just like a real person would. We'd get a little more information perhaps about the other times couples have come to see children at the orphanage, we'd have a better idea of what she thinks about the walls and the food and the other children milling about.
Consider expanding your story with some more description and some heavier thoughts - we need to know more than how pathetic she is feeling, hook our interest some how! With any story you have conviction with, you can move on and improve and I expect the same will be for you.
Thanks for posting your work, I look forward to seeing more from you in the future!
~ Penguin.
Hello! It's Review day, so here comes Team Aqua for a review! Don't be scared, just stay calm and everything will be quite alright! 
I haven't read part one of your story, but I feel like this could be a little story by itself. The beginning of this makes a lot of sense without a part 1 and I felt like I got to know your character, especially because of phrases like this...
I sat by myself...Like usual. .....people usually ignored me anyway.
A scrawny red-headed child, whom had no talents, was timid, sensitive and weak hearted.
Hush now child, feeling sorry for yourself won't help.
She was a kind woman though, maybe not beautiful on the outside but on the inside she was an angel.
Laughter arisen from the other orphans, I whimpered and scrambled to my feet ignoring the pain from my fall.
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