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Young Writers Society


18+ Language Mature Content

Ordinary Days and Extraordinary Nights, Installment One

by Jared


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.

Installment One

It was in the middle of a bank robbery that John almost realized how precious live truly is. Just almost.

"Everyone on the fucking ground, now!" one of the robbers shouted, discharging his shotgun into the ceiling. Plaster fell from the ceiling like snow flakes as the unfortunate people in the bank quickly flattened into pancakes on the ground.

There were three robbers, John noted. They all wore black, and they all wore bizarre masks, like it was Halloween.

Certainly, they meant business. The teller had likely gone for the alarm, as John could see her lying on the ground, unconscious. Fortunately, the three robbers seemed to be nearly done a few minutes later. After they had left, the police arrived. Typical. 

John sighed as a burly police officer waded his way through the crowd to accost him. 

"Ah, sir. I'll need your statement now." the officer said. His voice was gruff, and a little hoarse, as if he had been shouting recently.

"Yeah, sure. A masked guy in a black outfit screamed for us to get on the ground and we all did. I think he knocked out the teller. Oh, and they all had guns." John said.

"Er...anything else, sir?" the police officer questioned. Clearly, he thought John was mentally handicapped.

"Uh...not really...officer." John replied.

"Well, I'll go talk to other witnesses. Call me over if you think of anything. My name's Jack Benton." the police officer said. 

"Sure." John said, walking away. It was dreadfully boring, and John contemplated asking an officer if he could just leave. He longed to be back at home, drinking beer and maybe lighting up some weed if he had time. Of course, he wouldn't voice any of this to the police.

It had to be at least 10:00 PM when the police officers said people could leave. Happy to oblige, John wandered out onto the streets as quick as possible. As per usual, the streets were clogged with people, bustling about, doing their daily business. His apartment building was a few blocks away, but he was panting by the time he got up the stairs into his small, but comfortable apartment.

The floors weren't elegant, the walls hardly had any nice features, the TV was broken, and he had a stereo with two blown speakers. He could barely afford rent, and the floor was littered with empty beer cans and needles. He had tried rehab, and he truly didn't like it. He sat on his couch, and it sagged in a few inches because the springs were broken and he was too lazy to fix them.

After a few minutes of relaxation, he was undeniably thirsty. John sometimes found it hard to haul himself to the refrigerator, but he did manage. With a sigh, however, upon opening the refrigerator, he noted their was no beer. Resigning himself to a walk, he left his apartment hastily, wallet in hand, to go to the nearest drug store.

It was wide open, and people seemed to be exploding from every crack of the store. He made his way to the back of the store, where the coolers were, and pulled out a six-pack of his favorite beer. After paying for it, he got out of the store as quickly as possible. The streets seemed to be emptier on the way back.

It took John four minutes to realize he was being followed by a man in a gray trench-coat. Pulling upon years of street experience, he hurried his pace. He knew his apartment building was only a half a block away, so he wasn't too worried. 

Even as he made his way to his apartment building, the man followed. John didn't have to be a cop to realize the man was following. No one needed to be  a cop, if they paid attention. He didn't turn around, and he didn't concern himself too much. The heavy concerning would come later, as he tried to sleep. 


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200 Reviews


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Wed Jul 09, 2014 10:40 pm
EmeraldEyes wrote a review...



Hi.

So I noticed right from the off this work was going to be an acquired taste because of the language and the way it was written and the length and just EVERYTHING REALLY! XD
Fortunately it was to my taste :)

There were three robbers, John noted. They all wore black, and they all wore bizarre masks, like it was Halloween.


A very basic style, which is quite effective actually.

This chapter was REALLY short, you will have to make it longer if you want it to suit a novel. But you've got the gritty, insider language down to a t:
The heavy concerning would come later, as he tried to sleep.


"the heavy" Lulz. XD




Jared says...


Thanks. I was definitely going for the simplistic, gritty language. I like Stephen King novels, and I like his gritty, layman's writing style (though sometimes I prefer different styles). In this case, I thought it would be nice to write it somewhat like someone would imagine John would write it. Yes, the chapter is really short. I think it would be better if it was called an installment.



EmeraldEyes says...


Agreed. Well done though :D



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6 Reviews


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Wed Jul 09, 2014 10:37 pm
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FantasyWriterGirl15 wrote a review...



Hi, Fantasy here for a review!

[snow flakes] this should be one word.

That was pretty much the only error I found in this, so kudos for that! It’s usually a lot worse for people! I thought your story was pretty interesting, except I don’t feel any sort of connection to your character. I know he’s supposed to be a bad-ass druggie and drunk, but we need to have some sort of emotion. Hatred at everything would be fine. But just simplistic i-don’t-give-a-shit, isn’t really doing it for me.

But good job otherwise.




Jared says...


Thanks for your review! And, I just want to say, I'm not trying to make him out to be too much of a bad-ass just yet, because I don't think drunks or druggies are bad-asses. However, I do understand the need for more emotion. I am already thinking up someway to create more of a connection between readers and John.





But they think they're bad-asses anyways.



Jared says...


^ Indeed.



Jared says...


^ Indeed.




It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth. I didn't feel like a giant. I felt very, very small.
— Neil Armstrong