Young Writers Society

This is a short piece, but guess what? It doesn't need to be long because everything has been said in only a few paragraphs. I have this same problem with my necklaces, but I don't usually care about people asking what the necklaces mean. The only problem I have with them is the tangling and the almost falling off when I'm on amusement park rides. This is a very well done piece, but I did find a few things that need to be fixed. Just pick me ups:

Every now and then is a transition, so you need to put a comma after it.

"Whether hidden beneath scratchy cotton or angelic silk, they are covered and repressed as though they were not there."

"...to stuff them underneath skin, so no one could see them, believe me, I would."

"...to my heritage, and (get rid of the on) another hangs a hand-painted resin character from an alleged children's movie. The third is the only one with two charms, and it bears the heaviest burden. It is solid gold with two ideas about the same topic, and it gets twisted into knots quite often."

At the same time is a transition, so comma after it begins the sentence.

"...are covered, and no one gives me a second glance."

When "eventually" beings the sentence, put a comma after it.

I was wondering, what exactly are your necklaces? I can relate to your piece pretty well, on a metaphorical and more literal sense. For awhile, I had a necklace that I would wear that I had to constantly hide because people would harass me about it ;-;

This is a really fascinating story. It was honestly the sort of story that needs to be read a few times, because of all the layers. By the end of it, I still wasn't entirely sure what to make of it, but for me that was at least part of its charm. It left me wanting a little more, and yet it did seem to end at a perfect point. I'm not entirely sure what genre of writing I'd call it- it seemed to be more of an extended metaphor than a short story, per se, but it definitely seemed to convey sort of an idea of hiding something about oneself in order to get along in society. This was definitely a very enjoyable piece, over all!

Hey thebrightestfell!

Wow, I really liked this piece of writing! The symbolism that the necklaces bear are really incredible. I've never thought about symbolism like this... Like, being able to be used like this. Wonderful.

Some things I noticed:

"At the same time I hide these possessions I spread on my war paint."

At this part, I'm not sure what you want to say, but I'm sure it's something wonderful. Maybe clarify the meaning of 'war paint' a bit? (Or maybe I'm just a little less smarter than you, who knows? :3)

And at here,

"If there was a convenient way to stuff them underneath skin so no one could see them, believe me, I would."

Something seems a little off here. Or maybe it's just me again. But, I think that it might be a little more smoother if you said something like,

"If there was a convenient way to stuff them underneath skin so no one could see them, believe me, I would do it."

Otherwise, nothing. But those two things I said probably don't need to be fixed anyway... haha.

So, let me attempt to understand this. Is it about being unique? The necklaces are the uniqueness of a person, but if you let the unique part of you out, people would think of you as... I don't know. Weird? Strange?

Sorry. But that's the way I read it... If you wrote it to mean something different, please let me know.

Wonderful work of literature! I hope to see more of your works on YWS!

Keep on writing, Mephis

Woah. The cultural concepts of this and the running metaphor of necklaces for a culture or just simply what makes you you are really profound. I love it. Nice one!

Absolutely amazing. Keep up the awesome work!

*sigh* i have to say, tis a great story although i think that necklace metaphor totally flew right past some of us.

does anyone ever make happy stories anymore

Incredible.

This is absolutely amazing. I don't know if the necklace is a metaphor like others have been saying, but either way this is absolutely beautiful.

We shouldn't have to hide anything about ourselves, even if it's as simple as a necklace. We should be able to wear ourselves/things with pride and not be ridiculed by others.

Being a gay teenager, this really speaks to me. I have to hide some aspects of myself if I go out in public, depending on where I go. I went to a Catholic High School, so it was especially hard for me to be myself there.

I love this so much!

Keep being awesome!

Hi there!

I love the shortness of this. It seems to sit very well with the metaphorical questions and themes you throw at the reader. The vagueness, yet familiarity is well executed.

Keep up the awesomosity.

Cheers,
L

I like this. I would like to know what are on the necklaces that are making people whisper about them. I wear a pagan symbol around my neck and in some company, I also put away my necklace. The necklaces represent characteristics about you that you think other people find shameful, but you should put the specifics of what are on the necklaces even more than you already described them. I especially want to know what the one is with the cultural heritage. It sounds cool.

I really like how deep this is. This isn't about necklaces, is it? It's about hiding who you really are, at least in my eyes. It's sad how we have to hide ourselves to save us from the pain. We never escape that pain though. If we hide who we are, we only add to our stress, which would represent adding more charms to each necklace.

After all... it is very well done.

This is great. I can relate to this in a way that everyone puts on facades when they leave the comfort of their homes or even minds. You have to pretend you are just like everyone else, otherwise you get strange looks and you are judged for being the way you are. The necklaces can represent one's personality and how you must suppress it when around those that do not approve of it. It's saddening, honestly.

"At the same time I hide these possessions I spread on my war paint."

I cannot get over how relevant this whole thing can be to so many people... My friend once was confronted and patronized over what her necklace held and it made me so angry to hear how horrible these people were to her because what she believed in and they believed was wrong or condemning.

I cannot find anything wrong with this piece. It is very concise, straight to the point, and so very true. I hope you can find the strength to ignore the looks and display your necklaces proudly. People's opinions should never shape the way you live. It's something everyone should learn to do: love yourself and what makes you different.

Great piece.

~Ikkoku

Hi..
I wasn't sure whether to take this metaphorically or literally. Hmmm.

But cold metal bumps and burns against my skin.

Four pieces on three separate chains always intertwined anyway.