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Young Writers Society


12+ Mature Content

Soul Searcher- Chapter 02: Link is (not) human

by CarbRundum


When Link awoke, he was still in the building in which he fell asleep. He stood up from his seat and stretched. Having recalled the Lilin telling him that the way out would be present when he woke up, he walked outside to check. Sure enough, the hole was present. Link started walking towards it when he thought of the Lilin child. He debated whether or not he should check on her. He decided against it.

Link had a relatively quiet stroll through the forest back towards the village. However, when he reached his home, he found it to be rather noisy. He discovered Carrie, in tears, apologizing over and over to his mother. She said that it was her fault that Link went missing. However, she stopped as soon as Loki pointed out Link’s presence. Carrie stormed over to Link and gave him a good, hard slap in the face. She started to lecture Link, but was interrupted by the chief Lilis entering the den. He told Link that he was responsible for delivering a letter to the Lilim in an adjacent village. Of course, Link objected, but ultimately went, anyway.

“Wanna come with me?” Link asked Carrie.

Carrie looked back at Link’s mom, who gave a slight nod. She turned back to Link and gave him an enthusiastic “yes”. She proceeded to grab Link by the arm while the chief explained his instructions.

“You see, the Lilim are getting very belligerent. To avert war, we need to calm them down a bit. The contents of the letter should be able to stop this situation from going any farther. However, you must promise me that you will not under any circumstances open that letter.”

“Uh… I promise.”

The chief handed Link the letter. “Look, the entire village is trusting you. If you fail us, more than just your rights will be forfeit.”

“I understand.”

“You’d better get going now. Who knows what the Lilim will do?”

“Yes, sir.” Link exited his den with Carrie. “The Lilim village is over there, right?” Link pointed to an exit from the village. Carrie nodded to reassure Link. They left the village immediately. Although their trip was pretty normal, they knew that something was up once they reached the Lilim village. The air was very odd, and they quickly realized that every Lilim were staring at them. A group of Lilim guards quickly confronted them.

“Hey. We need to see your chief.” Link announced.

“How insolent! Who do you think you are!?” the guard questioned.

“Sorry. Excuse us. My friend here’s not very well mannered.” Carrie gave Link a disapproving look. “We come in peace. Here, we brought a letter from the Lilin chief. We’d appreciate it if you’d deliver it to the Lilim chief.”

“We’ll do just that,” the Lilim assured Carrie.

“Thank you,” Carrie said to the Lilim guard.

The guard turned to Link. “You’re lucky. You’ve got a great girlfriend.” Link doubled back, his face red. Carrie giggled and leaned up closer to Link. She smiled and looked up at him.

“I think we should go. We’ve probably overstayed our welcome,” Carrie urged Link.

“Okay,” Link agreed.

“Thank you for your time,” Carrie said to the guards. She bowed deeply, and Link followed suit. Carrie tugged on Link’s arm and they left the village.

“What was that all about?” Link asked Carrie as they exited the village.

“Don’t you pay attention during your academic lessons?” Carrie asked.

“Well….” Link began.

“The Lilim aren’t like us Lilis. They have a lot of fur on their heads, but they have none on their bodies. They need more resources to keep warm. They’ve went to war with a lot of neighboring villages. This is just the start of another war.”

Link leaned into her face and played with her nose a bit. “You’re such a smart girl.”

Carrie blushed and looked up, “Thanks.”

When they reached the village, they went their separate ways. “Thanks for today,” Carrie said to Link right before she headed toward her den.

“Of course,” Link replied. He spent the rest of the day normally, sans food of course. The next day, he was woken up early by his mother, for he had lessons that day. Link groaned and reluctantly got out of bed. He did his morning stretches and left immediately to the training center. Upon arriving, he found that he was one of the last ones to get there.

“Well, look who overslept,” Fae snidely remarked.

“Shut up, Fae,” Link replied, exhausted.

“Hah! You too hungry to fight me?” Fae inquired.

“I don’t need to have food in my belly to kick your ass.”

“Oh yeah? Prove it.”

“I might just do that!”

“ENOUGH!” the instructor roared. “You two, Fae and Link, cut it out!” Link and Fae instantly got back to their proper positions. When everybody arrived and they all finished warming up, the instructor read that day’s matchups from a scroll. “Well, looks like it’s your lucky days. Link and Fae up first.”

“For real?” they both questioned in unison.

“Do you think I’d choose that matchup? It’s a recipe for disaster.” The instructor readied the two combatants and motioned for them to begin. Link and Fae stared each other in the eyes for a while, absolutely motionless. Suddenly, they both charged at each other. Fae threw a jab at Link, but Link ducked under it. He landed the hook. Fae was on the ropes, that’s when Link saw the look. The tide had turned. Link had nothing left. They said throw in the towel, but that he won’t accept. He was going down. It was the final swing. As the lights went out, the crowd began to sing, “Harder than steel! Harder than steel!” Then, Link got up and beat the living daylights out of Fae in a fit of rage. He picked Fae up and tossed him to the ground. Fae was knocked out, cold. “Link wins!” the instructor announced.

After that, all the students reported to their academic lessons. They reported to a clearing, where they sat in a semicircle around a teacher, who gave a lecture. A couple of hours later, the academic lessons were finished, as well. Link was walking back from the forest when Carrie began walking right next to him. “Hi, Link,” Carrie greeted.

“Hey,” Link replied.

“Wanna come hang out with me?” Carrie asked.

“Sure.”

“Come on, Link,” Carrie requested. She grabbed Link by the hand and ran off back into the forest. They found a clearing and laid down next to each other. Carrie looked Link in the eye and rolled closer to him. She put one arm around him and hugged him close to her. “Here. We can have some privacy,” she informed him.

“Yeah,” Link agreed.

“Want to know something?” Carrie asked.

“Sure. What is it?”

“I love you.”

“Okay.” Carrie nuzzled up against Link’s cheek. She rolled up on top of him and sat up on his lap. “Carrie, can you get off? It kinda hurts,” Link requested.

“Sure thing.” Carrie stood up and walked over to Link. She bent down under their faces were almost touching. “Better?” she asked.

“Better,” Link assured her.

Carrie closed her eyes and leaned forward. Link hesitated to kiss her. “Sorry,” Link said. “I just… can’t go there yet.”

“Okay,” Carrie replied half-heartedly.

“Sorry,” Link repeated.

“No problem,” Carrie said, suddenly upbeat and happy once again.

After a long pause, Link finally asked, “Do you believe the Lilin exist?”

“What a weird question. Well, I guess I do believe that they do exist,” Carrie replied.

“Do you think you’ll ever meet one?” Link pressed on.

“No, I don’t. If they exist, they’d certainly want nothing to do with me.”

“I think the men would be all over you,” Link told her.

“Well, then I’d want nothing to do with them,” Carrie replied.

“Hmm?”

“You’re enough for me,” Carrie informed Link. Link smiled at her, and she smiled back. He got up and hugged her around the waist.

“Let’s go home.”

“Okay.”

Link and Carrie walked back to the village together, but Link didn’t stay long. He told his mother that he was going out and walked back into the forest. He found the hole that he crawled through a couple of days ago and proceeded to crawl through to the other side. He found that the building was still there. He hesitantly opened the door, expecting to see a Lilin child. Instead, what he found was a full-grown Lilin adult. He could tell that it was the same Lilin, as its head fur and body fur were the exact same. The Lilin noticed Link entering and turned to face him. As soon as she noticed who it was, her face lit up like a candle being lit by a fire. “Salutations!” she greeted Link.

Link stood in disbelief at what he saw. “My, you’ve grown quite a bit, haven’t you?”

“Yeah. At least, most of me.” The Lilin reached down at her chest, which was completely flat. “Anyway, what brings you back here?”

“Well, there’s this Lilin female that appeared to me in a dream that threatened to ‘deck me in the schnoz’ if I didn’t come back to visit.”

“Yeah, well you’re about fourteen years late.”

“No, I’m not. It’s only been two days.”

“Not to me, it hasn’t.”

“Well, sorry.”

“Also, you see someone in your dreams as well?”

“Yeah.”

“Does she have black and red hair?”

“Yes. Wait, you’ve seen her, as well?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Wow! She’s so cool, isn’t she?”

“No, she’s more creepy than cool.”

“You’re mean.”

“I’m not mean. I’m just honest.”

“You’re honestly mean. Oops! I forgot, do you wanna come in?”

“Yeah.” The Lilin pulled out a chair for Link and closed the door behind him. “Wow, you Lilin really are all over the place, huh?”

“Why do you keep calling me ‘the Lilin’?”

“That’s what you are, aren’t you?”

“Maybe, but I don’t like being called, ‘the Lilin’.”

“Okay, but what should I call you, then?”

“I dunno. Give me a name.”

“Any name?”

“Sure.”

“How about… Maria?”

“Okay! Maria… Maria… That’s a pretty name.”

“I’ll call you Maria from now on.” Maria giggled and looked at Link for a while.

“So, what do you want to do?” Maria asked.

“I dunno, just chill, I guess,” Link responded.

“Ooh, you know a lot, right?” Maria asked.

“Uhh, kinda,” Link responded.

“Come up with me!” Maria commanded. She ran up the stairs. Link followed suit. Maria opened the door to her bedroom. It was very small. It had a bed next to the window and three swords hanging on the wall. “Do you know what these are?” Maria pointed at the swords.

“I think they’re some kind of weapon,” Link responded.

“Really? Could you show me how to use them?” Maria asked, her eyes wide.

“No, I’ve never seen anything like this before in my life. I’m just guessing that these might be weapons.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, what can you tell me about this?” Maria grabbed her body fur and peeled it off of her skin. She tossed it aside onto the bed. Looking at Maria’s bare chest, Link could already tell that something was off. He had only seen the bare chest of one other Lilin before, that being the one from his dreams, so he didn’t have much to compare to. On Maria’s chest, etched into her flesh, was a circle. Circumscribed in that circle was an upside-down pentagram, with weird squiggly symbols in each end. In the middle was another circle, this time with a spike protruding from the top. Link stared at it for a good long while, but couldn’t make anything of it. “W-wait, are you just using this as an excuse to look at my chest!?” Maria suddenly exclaimed.

“What!? No!” Link denied.

Maria took her body fur and put it back on again. “You’re such a creep!”

“No! I swear it’s not like that!”

“Get out of my room!” Maria shouted.

“Okay!” Link yelped. He quickly ran downstairs and heard the door slam behind him. He was too tired to go back to the village, and instead decided to just sleep on the stairs. Soon enough, he found himself back in the white plane that seemed to replace any chances of him having a normal dream.

“So, you’ve done it.” The Lilin in his dreams took no time to start the conversation this time.

“What have I done?” Link asked.

“You’ve creeped her out,” the Lilin informed Link.

“Sorry.”

“Isn’t she cute?” the Lilin asked Link.

“I guess so,” Link replied. “Hey, I just noticed something. Why is it that Maria had body fur, but you don’t?”

“Are you suggesting that she’s hairy!?” the Lilin inquired, visibly irritated.

“No, it’s just that, she has black fur all over her body, but you just have skin.”

“Oh, you’re talking about her clothes.”

“Clothes?”

“See, the thing is, the Lilin don’t have much body fur. They instead use other material to cover themselves up to achieve the same goal that body fur does.”

“Oh, okay. Then why don’t you have clothes?”

“I don’t own any. Sometimes my master lets me wear his clothes, though.”

“Your master?”

“Loki.”

“Wait, what?”

The Lilin tilted her head, confused. She then shook her head rapidly. “S-sorry. Ignore what I just said. It’s just that I sleep naked most of the time, that’s all.” The Lilin then froze. She tilted her head, as if she were concentrating intensely on something. “She’s here,” the Lilin finally announced.

Suddenly, Maria appeared on the plane, next to Link. It took her a little while to get orientated. When she finally got her bearings, she freaked out, since she was next to Link.

“Don’t worry. He probably won’t hurt you,” the Lilin said. “Anyway, you wanted to know about that marking on your chest?”

“Huh? How’d you know?” Maria asked.

“I may have snooped just a teensy bit,” the Lilin confessed. “Anyway, that’s a transmutation circle.”

“A transmumalitatation circle?” Maria questioned.

“A transmutation circle. It’s used in alchemy.” Maria gave her a confused glance. “Alchemy is the art of turning one thing into another thing of equal value through the laws of Equivalent Exchange. If you need some more details, there’s this really good anime about it. Anyway, Alchemy is turning stuff into stuff, with the ultimate goal of creating a Philosopher’s Stone and/or Elixir of Life, though I wonder why anyone would want an Elixir of Life.”

“So…?”

“In Alchemy, transmutation circles turn stuff into other stuff. That one on your chest is no exception. However, this transmutation circle is special. It’s not just for simple stuff, like dirt or stone. This one is for souls. To be exact, human souls.”

NEXT TIME

The Awakening of the Lilis begins!

The Lilim grow more warlike with each passing moment!

Link’s father appears!

More fanservice to come!


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271 Reviews


Points: 414
Reviews: 271

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Sun Jun 29, 2014 5:29 pm
Gravity wrote a review...



Hello! Co captain of team yellow here for a review. This is my first review of the review day as I have been busy so I might be just a tad rusty.

Ii haven't read the first chapter so I'm going to leave out bits that confuse me. The first two paragraphs are extremely awkward to read. You're doing something called grocery listing. You know, "he did this" "he did that" without pausing to include imagery. You also have several full stops where you can combined sentences to make the flow a lot smoother. For example.

When Link awoke, he was still in the building in which he fell asleep. He stood up from his seat and stretched. Having recalled the Lilin telling him that the way out would be present when he woke up, he walked outside to check.


This is how it could be...
"When Link awoke, he was still in the building in which he fell asleep. As he stood up an stretched, he recalled Lilin telling him that the way out would be present when he woke up. Curiosity seized him making him go outside to check" or something along these lines.

Link had a relatively quiet stroll through the forest back towards the village. However, when he reached his home, he found it to be rather noisy. He discovered Carrie, in tears, apologizing over and over to his mother. She said that it was her fault that Link went missing. However, she stopped as soon as Loki pointed out Link’s presence. Carrie stormed over to Link and gave him a good, hard slap in the face. She started to lecture Link, but was interrupted by the chief Lilis entering the den. He told Link that he was responsible for delivering a letter to the Lilim in an adjacent village. Of course, Link objected, but ultimately went, anyway.


This whole paragraph is just... I don't like it. I feel like you are telling the audience what is happening when you should be showing them, instead. Spice it up, include some more imagery and some more dialogue.

“Sorry. Excuse us. My friend here’s not very well mannered.” Carrie gave Link a disapproving look. “We come in peace. Here, we brought a letter from the Lilin chief. We’d appreciate it if you’d deliver it to the Lilim chief.”


I loved this part. I could totally imagine the look on Carrie's face. I just think that you repeated chief and it was awkward.

Overall, there's a lot of repetition in this piece and you have almost no imagery. I likes your dialogue and I loved the scene between Carrie and Link when Carrie goes to kiss him but he isn't ready. I think you portrayed that very well. Overall, it just needs some work, but it see!s like its a great story. Thanks for writing this and I look forward to the next chapter,

XOXO,
Gravity




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93 Reviews


Points: 184
Reviews: 93

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Sun Jun 29, 2014 5:06 am
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Sylar wrote a review...



Hello CarbRundum! This is icannothearthings for a short review. Happy review day!

I thought this was a really great piece and an awesome way to continue this story! I really want to keep reading, and I hope you put up more chapters as soon as possible. Now, since this story is pretty long, I'm not going to review in nitpicks. Instead, I'm just going to give you a general content review:

WAIT. Before I do anything. I just want to tell you, as a friend :P , don't put on a next time. This isn't a TV show Sean.

I thought this was a really cool story. Now, I haven't actually read your chapter one yet, but I will once I complete 10 reviews from the Green Room, because KNIGHTS OF THE GREEN ROOM ARE THE COOLEST!

Anyway, I really like your story. You have a great way with words. You have a really great voice, and it' unique to you, and only you. I think the part of your writing is your quirky characters and dialogue. It seems very real. Some writers have no idea to make a character sound like they would if they were a real person, but you're great at that!

I also think you have great diction as well. Your word choice is perfect for your writing. You know how to describe something while cutting to the point at the same time, and that's a hard thing to do and do well.

Altogether, I think this is a cool story, and I really like it! Great job!

VIVA LE VERDE AND HAPPY REVIEW DAY FROM ICANNOTHEARTHINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




CarbRundum says...


As for the "next time" complaint, ever watch Evangelion? If so, shame on you for not getting it. If not, shame on you for not watching it.





I <3 lost





SO DO I




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— SilverNight